The Awesomeness That Is My Life, part the Latest

My company has decided to take an official "We hate Microsoft" stance (again) and as such has ordered us to use Firefox as our default browser. It is my preferred browser at home, but I'm sometimes hampered by the fact that it's incompatible with some business sites. At work, that's further compounded since it won't work with many of the online applications we make and use and support. To that end, the tech people sent out an e-mail with a link to a plug-in that would allow us to run Internet Explorer applications in Firefox. The link tries to open a browser window in our e-mail program (which has never worked) but after I extracted the link from the e-mail background code and went to the site I found that the "plug-in" consisted of these helpful instructions.

1. Make Firefox your default browser.
2. Also install Internet Explorer.
3. Use that instead.

I'm seriously not making any of that up.

I was also forwarded an e-letter from the law bunny with DeathStar Hospital's latest response. To briefly recap on our relationship, I endured "treatment" at one of their facilities through June and July of 2009, I filed for bankruptcy after a very long and unsuccessful struggle to get them to play fair, they turned a bill over to a collection agency, they turned the bill over to another collection agency,and then they created a new bill and sent it directly to me (along with several reminders to pay), and then they sent that one to a collection agency. My lawyer filed a claim against DeathStar Hospital whose lawyer ignored her deadline for response and then denied our claim stating that, although it was true that the courts notified DeathStar Hospital to cease and desist, they did not notify DeathStar Professional Services, a totally separate entity which can be proven because they have a separate P.O. box at the same address, who waited ten months before billing me. We are therefore mean and do not deserve protection from the law, but they promise that we will not be billed by them again now that we finally did our part and informed the new department we didn't know existed before. DeathStar Anal Rape Billing, DeathStarEvil Trolls unlimited, DeathStarYou Survived So You'll Never Stop Paying Us, DeathStar Pay Us Even If We Managed To Kill You, and DeathStarWe Like Money More Than Your Health are totally separate entities and each have their own distinct P. O. box and may decide to bill me again in the future.

And that's your daily reminder of why you should be happy to be someone else.

Photo Blog

For a long time, I wanted to share some old photos I had from my pre-digital days, but I never owned a scanner. Then I bought a new printer with built-in scanner and I forgot that I wanted to scan my old photos. While scanning the latest batch of medical bills to e-mail to my lawyer*, I remembered and went to collect the old photos. Unfortunately they were in my briefcase which has now been converted to the bankruptcy paperwork storage bin and I couldn't find them. Finally, I did a full search and discovered they were in the coffin. Since a lot of you are traveling and on holiday with family this week, I'll save the ultra macho soldier pics until next week. For now, here are two from the pile of photos I have saved (click to embiggen).

This is a really nice shot of a dolphin I took in the 80's (if you look closely, you'll notice that it has poofy hair and leg warmers):

And this is the contents of a typical soldier's refrigerator in Germany, away from family and the fundie-inspired liquor laws of the US:

* It's been a year since I filed for bankruptcy and, yes, the rotten hospital is still trying to collect

My life as designed by Joseph Heller

Three weeks ago I was sick, overslept, and arrived late to work. By the time I had arrived they had called my mommy and asked if I was in the hospital again. (we're estranged, btw) They told me I needed to inform them if I'm going to be sick again. Then yesterday I was sick again, e-mailed them with the news, and then came to work later in the morning. I was then pulled aside and told that, despite my outstanding work, they couldn't tolerate my excessive tardiness anymore. The new deal is a) I get healthy enough to work a consistent schedule, or b) I arrange downtime in advance (i.e. I have to call in before my shift and inform them that I need x hours more rest before I can get to the office). It's important that I do my job from my cubicle because it can be done from anywhere in the world with a computer and Internet connection, so naturally my employers have canceled telecommuting because the poor economy provided them with the excuse they needed to stop improving efficiency. I was further told that if I they weren't relying on me so heavily they would have more flexibility, but my work is very important and of high quality which is why I may need to be replaced.

I used to be in management before I decided to pursue a career path that ostensibly rewarded having actual job skills and I knew from previous seminars that Georgia is an "employment at will" state, meaning you can be fired for any reason or none at all, so my only legal protection lies in federal law. I contacted a lawyer and he advised me that he can't give advice over the Internet and then added me to his mass e-mail list so I now get spammed by him. I checked the Social Security website to see what criteria has to be met to be labeled disabled, and in plain terms you have to a) be unable to do your job and b) be unable to do similar work under reasonably adjusted conditions (e.g. telecommuting instead of working a rigid office schedule). If you meet those conditions you can be disabled which will then require your employer to work with your medical issues and keep you employed. If not, you can be fired for your poor health and can become a burden on society (but not a disabled one - just a healthy bum).

Also my recent downturn has left me unable to exercise (my life now consists of being in the office, or at home resting so I can return to the office), which in turn leads to a rise in my blood sugars which leads to me being sicker. However, experience has taught me that exhausting the little energy I have during these periods leads to serious downtime and missed work and less exercise as a result. Basically I have to get healthy so I can exercise and get healthy. I also haven't been eating much lately. I think I've gained (more) weight.

And in other fun news, the first hospital that kicked off this whole adventure continues to ignore the bankruptcy ruling and to pester me with old bills, new bills, and collections agencies. My bankruptcy lawyer is taking action against them. Her e-mail to me read, in part, "This should be fun." With luck, that means we'll sue them and win easily and I'll have enough money to live without working for my remaining time. With my luck, that means I'll get to pay her much money to go to court to convince the court that they need to tell the hospital to do what the court said in the first place.

There's some subtle irony in here somewhere, but I just don't see it.

---

Update - they agreed to let me work from home. If you own stock in anything, sell it and spend the money on hookers and beer because the world is ending. Seriously though, that's good for both of us. They'll get their data when needed (before, actually) and I can focus on work and my health instead of expending energy to sit in a cubicle for eight hours a day. As for the above - forget all that. Now I'm good.

A "No, I'm not dead yet" post

Warning - post may contain useful information.

So, it's been almost 16 months since I returned to Deathstar Medical Torture and Anal Rape Billing (against my wishes, but recommended by my former doctor), 11 months since I filed for bankruptcy, 7 months since my debts were discharged, and of course they're still attempting to bill for healthcare inflicted on me during June of last year. So I contacted my lawyer, let her know I've told them and their various collection agencies that the court has discharged my debts, and she's evaluating the situation to see if it would be worthwhile to file a claim against them. I like how any regular jackoff like me who ignores court orders gets arrested and fined or jailed, but for wealthy hospitals we have to take them to court so the court can order them to obey the court's previous orders. I'm not optimistic. The hospitals know how to work the system better than anyone, along with working the old "We can't provide proper inexpensive healthcare because the mean old public is always successfully suing us for no reason" pity ploy.

And in other bankruptcy news, the economy and changes in credit laws have made it harder than in previous years to get credit approval after filing, which sounds logical until you consider that a) I have a history of paying my bills on time, and b) unlike most of you, I can't declare bankruptcy on anyone for another 9 1/2 years. Also I've heard reports of people who filed years ago and have been using credit responsibly and paying their bills on time are increasingly being denied credit. Just a little something to consider in case I've made filing sound like a grand adventure. Fortunately I have a shiny new car (with a lousy credit company that has already sent two letters informing me that they will be sharing my personal information with everyone the law allows) and three rejections for an auto loan and no need to find a new apartment, so I'm good for the time being.

And to make up for sharing potentially useful information with you, here is a bunny.

Hwang Mi Hee (황미희), 28 yo K-bunny.

New Letter from Old Friends

Dear Mr. Grant,

Thank you for the opportunity to inflict pain and injury on you in the name of healthcare in June of 2009. If you thought you were through paying us for what we did to for you, then HA HA HA HA HA moron. You will never be rid of us. And don't think we didn't notice that you tossed a law bunny in our path. We simply don't care. You think the American legal system can stop us? They only affect ethical businesses like banks, credit companies, and debt collectors. If you think the doctors believe themselves gods, consider this: they only affect whether you die or accidentally survive. We will control the tone of your remaining time on Earth, and your file has been flagged "Unending Torment". Following is a brief list (by no means complete) of things that will stop long before us:

1. The Terminator
2. Irresistible Force
3. Perpetual Motion
4. Hello Kitty
5. God
6. Infinity
   

Our records indicate you recently bought a new car (nice pick, btw), so surely you can afford to give us a little more money. We're only asking for slightly more than a monthly car payment, and if you pay this bill we promise we'll never bother you aga- A HA HA HA okay I couldn't type that and keep a straight face. But anyway - pay us. The sooner you pay this bill, the sooner we can all move on, by which I mean to your next bill.

And, no, your failing eyes do not deceive you. We are re-billing for work for which you've already paid. It's just that we thought about it long and hard for a couple of seconds and decided that we want to be paid more than logic / decency / your insurance plan would dictate. Sick people don't deserve their money anyway. Besides, we are combating the encroachment of socialism upon our great society. We don't support that commie claptrap of "from each according to his ability, to each according to his need". We believe in "from each however he can get it, to us". People like you are ruining our freedom. So pay us, and keep America strong. Or we'll shoot you.

Yours in Christ,

your pals at Deathstar Healthcare, Billing, and Anal Rape, unlimited

Why I am awesomer than you

Yesterday I got rid of my eight year old car and replaced it with a shiny, new, bunny-friendly RAV4. The salesman took a picture of me in it:
If you've felt the pinch of the economy and are unable to drive a nice new vehicle like me, then allow me to say HA HA HA ON YOU FUCKERS! Of course, if you have a better vehicle than me, then I'm still better than you because I don't define myself by my possessions, even though I could because I have a really big TV and a new car and my new computer can play Dragon Age while web surfing and my apartment is full of booze and a/c. Oh, and I have thousands left in the bank. You can have access to all that is mine if you are a hot Asian woman and are willing to pretend that you like me, which is of course a euphemism for anal sex.

I got a good deal except for the interest rate, which was 11.7%. I haven't bought anything on credit since filing for bankruptcy, so they were a little hesitant to be the first to help re-establish my credit. They wouldn't budge off the interest rate, but they did lower the price of the vehicle and give me way more than expected on the trade-in (nearly $6k on a car the Blue Book values at about $1,800). Besides, I plan to have it paid off in two years anyway, unless I score an Asian girlfriend and get sucked dry.

And speaking of bankruptcy, it's time to write another letter to the lousy hospital I haven't seen in over a year because they created yet another new bill for me. The main reason I filed for bankruptcy was to stop the hospitals from further bothering me. Apparently, this is not enough to stop the bad ones from pestering you for the rest of your life. They've sent me bills long after the courts told them to desist, then sent the bills to collections, then sent them to another collection agency after the first one refused to try to collect, but at least they've stopped short of reporting the newer bills to a credit agency. And before you advise me to sue them for millions, I think the view that the poor hospitals are under siege by the mean old public is not entirely accurate, based on the number of lawyers (0) vying for my business.

For added fun, I lost my work badge during the move between vehicles. This would be the perfect time to lose my job. I hope the gods of irony are not in ascension, or at least that Satan remembers that He owes me a solid.

There may have been a point to this post, but I lost it while typing three to five words at a time at work.

Real Doctor, Fake Doctor

Or Health Care Update, part the Latest (as if you cared).

Optometrist:
Provides a known and measurable service. Prices reasonable. Provides free (thus far) follow-up support for goods sold. Attempts to send patients to another specialist and to return in three months, but doesn't press the issue. Friendly and competent office staff. Verdict: despite the attempt to drag me through the system, not a real doctor.

High-res photo of me and my newly repaired sunglasses is below.
(former) Bunny Dentist:
Provides a known and measurable service. Prices expensive, but quality of work is exceptional. Provides follow-up support for goods sold at a price. Considers sending patients to another specialists, but settles for return visits in three months. Dental hygienists more miss than hit. Office staff's incompetence has risen below stupidity and should be considered as a valid art form (hence the "former") Note - they tried to twice bill me for work not done for an office visit previously paid regardless of bankruptcy status. Verdict: real doctor, but only because the surrounding team members drag the quality of her care through the toilet.

Current doctor:
Provides services difficult to measure. Prices reasonable. Schedules some follow-up visits with expensive idiots in the same health care system, but drops the issue when improvements made despite their "care". Provides prescriptions for necessary medications. Office staff (including those in referral offices) hit or miss. Wears lab coat well. Verdict: real doctor, but only because of the lab coat. Otherwise, kindly old drug dealer.

Previous doctor:
Provides services difficult to measure. Prices reasonable. Schedules some follow-up visits with expensive idiots in every health care system but the same one, insisting the added injury is part of the process. Provides prescriptions refills only after weeks of harassment. Office staff (including those in referral offices) mostly incompetent. Wears lab coat well. Note - his office continues to contact me for follow up visits a year after being told he's not my doctor. Verdict: real doctor, seriously real medical staff.

Local Chevy Dealership:
Ostensibly provides real goods and services. Tends to "forget" repair items, but remembers them when creating the bill. Ignores calls and e-mails requesting assistance. Won't lose phone number or e-mail addy when spamming potential clients (HA! - as if). Verdict: sales and service run by top flight neurosurgeons.

Bankruptcy and Bunny

I already received official court notification that my debt has been discharged, but over bunny weekend I received a final letter from my beautiful bunny lawyer stating that the case is closed and our business is finished. I was happy to receive it just to have more official reassurance that I'm in the clear, to know that there are no lingering lawyer bills that could strike at any time (medical community, take note of the professionalism there), and because she included in the note that she was happy to have met me and hopes to see me again sometime.

The last bit struck me as a little odd (nice, but strange). Hearing something like that from a bankruptcy lawyer is akin to a mortician cheerfully shouting "Hope to see you all again soon" at the successful conclusion of a funeral or a surgeon sending Christmas cards to his patients with the message "I look forward to your repeat business". Besides, I can't file for bankruptcy for another 10 years, and I doubt the whole "I'm sick and in major debt to the healthcare system" pickup line is enough to lure her away from her husband.

And don't even start with the whole "You should totally ask her out - you never know" bit like several of you did when I mentioned that my married Japanese teacher was really cute. I don't date married women and I don't sour a professional relationship by hitting on people when I depend on their services. Note - it was mostly the women who kept trying to get me to ask out my J-teacher. So much for defending your own.

Bankruptcy is OVER

I got my official ruling from the courts - w00t! Under the 2005 Consumer Buttrape law, the courts are allowed to take up to six months before issuing the final ruling, during which time the creditors / hospitals / financial rapists are allowed to keep reporting your accounts as delinquent. I assumed that "up to six months" meant "at least six months, if you're lucky", but they surprised me a few months early. I enjoyed closing out over $25,000 of debt I left open in my MS-Money program. Plus it's good to know that the legal bunny provided all the info I needed to join the bankruptcy club (under the current law, you can file and have all the bad stuff happen to you but if you miss a step and don't give the secret handshake then you can still be left owing all the debt). In case the court notification was not official enough, I also received several offers to buy a new car, which is the sure sign that you have successfully filed.

The bad thing is that I will no longer have a reason to see the legal bunny. This comes at a bad time as I had to drop Dr. Bunny as my hot dentist. She was the best dentist I've ever had (which is kind of like saying I just ate the best broccoli ever), but she surrounded herself with such incompetents that I felt the price to get to her was now too high. Literally too high, since her office just tried to bill me for work they didn't do but claimed they did eight months ago (I overpaid for what they actually did at that time). I wrote her a nice letter and explained that I appreciated her care but could no longer tolerate her substandard hygienists or the front desk idiots and I would not be paying for care I didn't receive, plus I mentioned the bankruptcy and said she would have received an official notification from the courts of my intent to file if the office tards hadn't taken eight months to over-bill me for the second time. So now I'm down to only the two drug bunnies at Target, which is a distressing trend.

So, now I have to find an optometrist and a dentist, and I prefer for them to be Vietnamese-American women (I've had great luck with those). For some reason, the doc-finder web sites don't include an option for "hot Asian woman", which is such an obvious oversight. Maybe I should just approach Asian women at random and ask them to look deep into my eyes and sell me drugs.

More Health and Money Stuff

Quick status update: heart is better, kidneys are better, liver is worse, diabetes is worse. I'm back in the medical system again, but this time I'm being treated as an outpatient, I managed to stumble on a better nest of doctors, and I have insurance, a little savings, and experience in dealing with American healthcare. I've posted this before, but since it's actually useful information, I'll summarize what I've learned again.

1. Do not get sick in this country.
2. If you must get sick, be sure you are wealthy and can get treatment overseas.
3. If that's not an option, make sure you have decent insurance. Aetna has been good to me. Note - talking to my fellow sickos has taught me that no insurance company is decent once you start costing them serious money.
4. Do not use credit cards to pay for procedures unless you are sure you know the full amount you are facing. Hospitals can bill separately by department, doctor, and date and type of treatment if desired, and often take up to six months before sending you an initial bill.
5. If the bill is more than you can pay, make every effort to contact their billing department to negotiate a monthly payment. Go for the lowest amount possible since you never know if they plan to send you future bills.
6. Stick to the negotiated payment plan. If you have extra money, save it.
7. Do NOT allow the payment schedule to extend beyond three months if the remaining amount will be under $1,000. Although you will be expected to stick to a written agreement with the hospital, they will not have to do the same. I had three hospital bills I was paying that dipped under $1k after three months, and all three billing offices sent them to an outside collection agency without bothering to inform me.
8. If you have a bill that will fall to under $1,000 after the third payment, pay the full amount before it drops below $1,000. If you lack the funds, use a credit card if available. It will cost more, but even before the 2010 law the credit card companies were forced to be more fair and honest than a hospital.

Note - the $1,000 limit is due to a few factors. One is that lower amounts are worth more as a write-off, whereas if you owe serious fundage then they'll prefer the money. Two is that $1,000 is the cutoff between a small-claims court and a regular court case. A full-blown lawsuit will involve lawyers and a possibly sympathetic jury, whereas lawyering-up is considered taboo in small claims and the judges tend to be conservatives who see the hospitals as shining beacons of care and sympathy and the plaintiffs as greedy scum who don't want to pay their fair share.

Health and Money Update

Because those two things are inextricably linked.

Tracy and I were having a contest to see which of us could get sick and die first. She's been beating me since I've known her, but I thought I nearly evened the score. My blood pressure is down so I'm off that medication and my kidney problems haven't resurfaced, but I have another open foot wound and my diabetes is getting worse so I have to see two new specialists, one today and one next month. (when you live in the obese bible belt, it's not easy getting an appointment with an endocrinologist) Then Tracy decided to start having seizures which I thought was going to totally throw me out of the race, but while I was typing this my bunny-referred doctor's office called and said my bloodwork shows liver problems and so I have to meet with yet another doctor, so I'm back in the running.

For added fun, Deathstar Hospital and Billing Inc. is taking another run at getting money from me. To summarize the latest round of drama, I was sent to them by my former doctor (recommending them is part of why he is former), I survived their "treatment" (seriously, all they did was extend my recovery time and bill the shit out of me), they sent me many bills, I paid all but the biggest, I attempted to set up a payment plan on that one but they hid behind their phone system (it leaves you on hold for five minutes, you leave a number for them to call, and then they don't), and in the interim I sent them all the money I had at the end of each month. After three months and thousands of dollars in payments, they quit billing me. Part of why I filed for bankruptcy was because it seemed to be the only possible way to get them to stop, so I filed and my bunny lawyer sent notifications to all of my creditors (including two hospitals) informing them of my intent. Every creditor EXCEPT the hospitals ceased at that point - the "good" hospital sent me a new bill revised to look like an initial bill (which wouldn't be covered by the bankruptcy), and Deathstar turned my account over to a collection agency. Then the courts sent out the official cease and desist order after my meeting at the courthouse, which stopped the other hospital and the debt collection agency. So now, two months later, Deathstar decided they really would like their final $350, so they contacted yet another collection agency and "forgot" to mention the bankruptcy.

And, yes, that is illegal, but no, I can't sue and automatically win millions of dollars. Given their track record, it would be nearly impossible to prove that they did it maliciously instead of through sheer incompetence, I would have to pay my lawyer to go to court, and the most I'm likely to get is an official court order telling them to quit. On the advice of my bunny, I'm writing the new collection agency a letter to inform them of my filing which should get rid of them. That still leaves Deathstar open to try again in the future, but there can't be too many lawyers / collection agencies in America, ね?

SJ was right - the proper way to deal with medical billing is to burn down the hospital after your treatment is finished.

We're finally safe

Note - the links in bold are safe for work; the others, not so much.

Thanks to Jebus Bush's 2003 Protect Act, Americans are now safe from racy manga*. I, for one, feel much better knowing that Osama Bin Laden may still be out there and a lot of foreign nations hate us for no reason except that they envy our freedom, but at least the courts are locking people up for possessing images that the judges deem lacking in “serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value.” I'd like to point out at this time that in no way do I have a game on my computer that allows the possibility of a romantic coupling between consenting teens, nor could I be interested in anything labeled "Do You Like Horny Bunnies?". To further show my support for former President Bush's wonderful "protection" acts, I think I'll campaign against trying to create a nanny state by making sure healthcare is only available to those who can afford it. I'm going out to picket with my "Hellthcare No! Jebus Yes!" sign right now. If xtian fundies have taught me anything, it's that Jesus was all about the hate. Note - the misspellings on the sign are so the others won't suspect I'm not one of the faithful.

*For you dumb rednecks, manga are the Japanese equivalent of comics / graphic novels, except that (as with animation) they're considered a more mainstream form of delivery and so have a wider range of topics, from stories involving women with big boobies to stories about women with super huge mutant boobies.

Bankruptcy Update

In my previous bankruptcy update, I said that Best Buy contested the filing which was a misstatement. To contest the bankruptcy, a creditor would have to send a lawyer to the meeting in order to claim that I'm trying to use the system to cheat them out of money, then the whole thing would go to trial. Instead, what they did was to send my lawyer a contract for me to sign commonly referred to as a Reaffirmation Agreement. Because they had been pissing me off and because (by mistake or intentionally) their agreement tried to get me to pay them more than I owed, I decided to let them take back their used TV since I've already saved enough money to replace it with this. I e-mailed the legal bunny, to which she said she normally advised her clients to pass on reaffirming because a) the value of the property is usually worth less than the amount the creditor tries to get (definitely true in my case), and b) with relatively low-value items like mine they often won't try to collect. So, she e-mailed their lawyer and told him to take a long walk off of a short pier and take a squid up the butt (sorry if all the legalese is confusing to you), and I haven't heard anything further. I'm divided as to whether or not I want them to take the TV, since the 52" Samsung looks really cool.

So, now I'm done with all I have to do and just have to wait for the courts to discharge my debts sometime over the next six months. Hopefully it will be over by my birthday, which is on May 15, a good time to buy presents because you should have recovered from Xmas by then and you have several months before the next Xmas drains your accounts again.

The lamb of god was given to mankind so that we have to buy stuff and screw me over

It's Hannukwanzaramadamasux now, or as it should be called "Screw with Grant season". Hallmark should begin carrying a line of cards for that soon. "It's the most wonderful time of the year for the rest of us...sorry you happen to be Grant." Following is the chronological Grant experience for the last couple of weeks.

1. On Wednesday the 16th my Internet connectivity died at home. The next day I called Charter* (my cable company) and spent over 20 minutes on the phone with the automated system trying to diagnose the problem. (part of the lengthy time is because my crappy, terminal Gateway PC has trouble rebooting) Bear in mind that all I have is a cell phone that charges by the minute since the only calls I make are to order pizza or call Charter when their stuff breaks.

2. The automated system was unable to resolve the issue, so it transferred me to a person who REPEATED EVERY SINGLE STEP. After another 20+ minutes, he also admitted he didn't know the problem and he scheduled a maintenance visit for Saturday (and the guy in India said Saturday, not tomorrow).

3. On Friday, I got a call at work from another automated system that said the maintenance dude was on his way to my place and asked me to confirm that I was at home waiting for him. I canceled the appointment because my work number is not at home. To be fair, India is several hours ahead of us so when I called them Thursday evening it was Friday morning there and the guy probably thought next day service actually meant Saturday.

4. As my current PC is a piece of crap and is failing rapidly, I decided to troubleshoot it before setting another appointment. I swapped out the ethernet card and cables on both ends of the modem to no avail, but then I discovered the motherboard was having problems, specifically a part that interfaces with the network. At this point I assumed the computer is bad and I ordered a refurbished one from work to have around as a backup until my bankruptcy woes are over and I can afford a proper replacement.

5. I had also previously ordered a laptop for a friend, which then arrived. I plugged it into my cable modem, and discovered it couldn't connect either. I took the laptop to my cubicle and it worked there. So, having swapped out cables and components and computers and having proved that at least one worked at a different location, I assumed the issue was with the cable modem since it was the one thing I didn't replace.

6. I called Charter again and spent over thirty expensive minutes on the phone, this time with a guy in the U.S. who explained to me in clear English that the problem was obviously with my computer and that I needed to contact Gateway for support. I patiently explained twice how no computer will connect in my house even though they work in other locations, to which he placed me on hold, then returned and repeated that their network is fine and the problem is with my computer. Since he refused to send a technician, I asked if I could at least exchange the modem at a local store. He then agreed that it might be the modem and claims they'll allow the exchange. I still haven't done that because I needed Mapquest to find the closest place, but unfortunately I still have no Internet at home.

7. So then it was time to go to downtown Atlanta for my bankruptcy meeting with the trustee. I left very early because the downtown Atlanta street system was designed by insane dyslexic monkeys who huff Krazy Glue. I parked in the closest open parking deck, walked a half mile to the building, cleared security, and waited for my turn. In the meantime I got to listen to a lot of people go through their ordeal, many of whom didn't seem prepared for all of the questions. From my observations, I think it was partly because they periodically change what questions they ask and partly because the trustee altered them as she went along.

8. After a dozen or so cases ahead of me, none of whom had a single creditor challenge their filing, my turn came and I discovered that Best Buy sent a wad of paperwork to my attorney contesting $879.04 I still owe on my TV (part of this is due to late fees they've added since I'm no longer required to pay them due to filing). The Reaffirmation Agreement they want me to sign explains that they will graciously knock the amount down to $800. charge no interest, and I can pay the amount in 18 easy payments of $50 each (do the math). That's so much better than the original agreement I had with them, which required me to pay the full amount within 18 months with no interest added but failed to surreptitiously slip in a couple of extra payments. Since Best Buy was already fucking with me (claiming my payments were arriving late when others acknowledged they were on time) and due to the fact that my TV is now used and a discontinued model, I sent my attorney a note saying they can come get it or try again to get their math straight.

9. And that's been my holiday season - no Internet, TV being repossessed, and I'm only able to blog now because I'm at work. Also, since Best Buy contesting my filing was not anticipated, I get to pay extra attorney fees. And I've sent no e-cards to anyone because Wrongcards hasn't been working. It's a free site, so I have to admit I'm getting my money's worth.

Merry feckin' xmas. Pass the booze.

* I've quit hiding the brand names of companies that suck or screw me over. I consulted my blog's legal department on this issue, and they unanimously assured me that I have no legal department.

This is the second Sith-related shopping mall dream I've had

So, I was playing Star Wars - Force Unleashed on my Wii and then I had a dream that I was Darth Vader in a swanky boutique shop in a mall purchasing a fancy package of toffee (or was it taffy), but I left my debit card on the counter for a moment and somebody saw my name and discovered my super secret Sith identity so I had no choice but to whip out my lightsaber and kill everyone in the building. I'm not sure what the Great Magnet is trying to tell me here. Either I should take out a shopping mall, or avoid candy due to my diabetes. It's one of those.

My bankruptcy hearing is today, so if I never blog again it's because I was found guilty and am locked away in debtor's prison (I assume they still exist).

Why I'm an Idiot

What would you think about a person who couldn't afford something, so they bought it on credit. Then they couldn't afford payments, so they took out a loan. Then they took out more credit cards, began transferring balances, and at the end had nothing but debt as they stood there wondering "Why don't I have any money?" Idiot, ね。

So how about someone who feels sick, goes to a hospital, is still sick upon leaving, goes to another doctor who sends him to another hospital who in turn sends him to more doctors and hospitals and at the end of it all he has no knowledge of what he had to begin with and no understanding of why he has new symptoms that the original illness didn't carry, plus he's still sick. (in case you're a little slow or under-caffeinated, I'm talking about me) Sure, I was following doctors' orders, but the only thing I actually got from the last rounds of treatments was a need to file for bankruptcy. After all the times I've said that doctors are not necessarily good people with your best interests at heart, I still followed their instructions until it became abundantly clear that all I was doing was shelling out money so that they could take actions that made my condition worse. Idiot.

The good thing about filing is that I thought I would finally get them out of my life. I had already canceled all future treatments and by filing I finally managed to get them to stop billing me for procedures performed a year and a half ago. Except the problem is that I never really got them out of my life completely. I'm a diabetic and I need pills, insulin, and syringes to stay relatively healthy. Unfortunately, the clinic I use never gives me prescription refills, forcing the pharmacy bunnies to call and ask for a faxed update. (the clinic apparently thinks diabetes is like acne and could clear up at any time) Now, for added fun, they take longer and longer to respond, sometimes calling me to say they are sending the new prescription when they really don't, sometimes calling to ask how much I take daily because they obviously don't write those unimportant things down. Last time I needed insulin, it took five days to get a refill and I ran out. This time I thought I out-smarted them and ordered over a week early, but it's now day six and still no word from them. This is either another case of medical blackmail (schedule more unneeded tests and visits or you don't get your meds), or they've decided to support the local retarded community by employing them at the clinic, or they're just incompetent at a level that would get them fired from their first shift at a McDonald's. How long do you think a fry cook would last under this scenario?

Cashier: Are the fries ready? Are the fries ready? Are the fries ready? Are the fries ready?
Fry Cook: Here they are.
Cashier: Where?
Fry Cook: ...
Cashier: Are the fries ready? Are the fries ready? Are the fries ready? Are the fries ready?
Fry Cook: Okay, now they're ready.
Cashier: Those are hamburger buns. We asked for fries.
Fry Cook: You should have them soon.
Cashier: Really?
Fry Cook: No.

So now I have to find yet another doctor in the hopes that this one will allow me to have my meds. I did an online search and found a hot looking Vietnamese woman in a nearby clinic which would complete my set of Western Asian professional hotties (lawyer, dentist, doctor, and two pharmacists), but 一番 drug bunny recommended a boring old white guy, so I'll start there. She says he actually gives refills and when he's not available, he has nurses there who actually respond to phone calls. Shocking! Wish me luck. If I don't update soon, I didn't survive my initial visit.

Totally boring update

I ordered the Wii Fit Plus from Amazon today because it is $14 cheaper than Best Buy, shipping is free, and I won't have to fight my way across a crowded store before standing in the checkout line, paying taxes, and waiting for the register to spit out a receipt the length of a mortgage contract. Amazon says their estimated ship date is December 14, but they also estimated a lengthy wait that didn't occur when I bought the Wii. It's probably due to Hannukwanzaramadamasux. Who knew it would occur in December again this year?

***Update***

I forgot to mention that Amazon offered me $40 off if I got their credit card. I had one before, but I used it to pay medical bills and the account has just been closed due to my filing for bankruptcy. Next time I order from them, should I attempt to get another one? I'm not worried about misusing it, I just wonder how that will look on my credit report (especially since I haven't had my day in court yet).

Continuing stuff continued

So now I have a Wii which rhymes with squee which I'm sure is no coincidence.

Last night I did my required online bankruptcy education which is boring and generally useless except that the credit company confirmed what the bunny lawyer said, which is that using a credit company to try to manage debt is usually a bad idea and will further reduce your credit rating. I say useless because, instead of dealing with modern reality, it reinforces all the old assumptions such as creditors are eager to work with you and will not send a bill to a collections agency if you agree to make payments and uphold your end of the bargain. The 2005 law requires that you spend two hours reading this drivel, which is hard to do in over 30 minutes if English is one of your first three languages and you have an IQ rated higher than "artichoke". In order to do the mandatory 115 minutes (you need a legal degree to understand how that equates to two hours), I read a chapter, took a test, played some Wii Sports, then repeated until they took my $50 and said I've now learned how to stop spending my money on worthless crap.

If you ever have to endure this form of education, the quizzes are easy to answer if you ignore common sense and just think fluffy clouds and rainbows and puppy kisses and all that shit. For example, budgets are not based on an accurate assessment of your income and expenses, they are based on your goals. Unfortunately, I'm not making that up. They also claim that everyone's take-home pay is about 80% of their gross pay after deductions (mine is actually about 65%). I think if anyone seriously tried to use their "education" as the basis for their finances, they would quickly and cheerfully become homeless.

But it's Friday and I have a weekend of Wii exercising ahead of me, so I'll close with a J-bunny.

Miina Yoshihara, age 22 - for all you dumb rednecks who are going to claim she looks twelve.

Quick cultural note - I don't know why they named it the Wii since the wi (pronounced "we") sound doesn't naturally occur in Japanese.

Things continue to happen

My third and last credit card acknowledged my filing and has canceled my account. That's over $25,000 worth of medical debt gone. Plus my court date is set for the 23rd of this month, which is good because a) I have more vacation to burn before I lose it, b) the downtown Atlanta traffic will not be as bad, and c) getting this crap over is the best Hannukwanzaaramadamasux present ever.

In other awesome news, I used some of the money I'm now allowed to keep to purchase a Wii from Amazon, which is scheduled to arrive tomorrow. I need exercise to help manage my diabetes (my blood glucose levels have been high recently despite insulin and pills), but I've gotten so bored with the treadmill that I can't stand to get on it any more. With the limited speeds I move at these days, it requires about two hours for me to get the amount of exercise necessary to lower my blood sugar. I decided I need a form of physical activity that can be performed in my apartment and can be adjusted to my weak health, and computer golf and bowling sound about right. If anyone knows of any other worthwhile Wii games, let me know, or better yet, just buy them yourself and send them to me. Bear in mind that I'm doing this mostly for exercise and don't want anything that doesn't require movement. Also bear in mind that I can't run, jump, or in general move faster than the speed of fart.

Why Asia is cooler than your continent, reason #23865

Condom Santa Claus.

Also, another credit card has canceled my account due to filing for bankruptcy. That's another $10k+ of debt gone.