Friday, July 23, 2010

Real Doctor, Fake Doctor

Or Health Care Update, part the Latest (as if you cared).

Optometrist:
Provides a known and measurable service. Prices reasonable. Provides free (thus far) follow-up support for goods sold. Attempts to send patients to another specialist and to return in three months, but doesn't press the issue. Friendly and competent office staff. Verdict: despite the attempt to drag me through the system, not a real doctor.

High-res photo of me and my newly repaired sunglasses is below.
(former) Bunny Dentist:
Provides a known and measurable service. Prices expensive, but quality of work is exceptional. Provides follow-up support for goods sold at a price. Considers sending patients to another specialists, but settles for return visits in three months. Dental hygienists more miss than hit. Office staff's incompetence has risen below stupidity and should be considered as a valid art form (hence the "former") Note - they tried to twice bill me for work not done for an office visit previously paid regardless of bankruptcy status. Verdict: real doctor, but only because the surrounding team members drag the quality of her care through the toilet.

Current doctor:
Provides services difficult to measure. Prices reasonable. Schedules some follow-up visits with expensive idiots in the same health care system, but drops the issue when improvements made despite their "care". Provides prescriptions for necessary medications. Office staff (including those in referral offices) hit or miss. Wears lab coat well. Verdict: real doctor, but only because of the lab coat. Otherwise, kindly old drug dealer.

Previous doctor:
Provides services difficult to measure. Prices reasonable. Schedules some follow-up visits with expensive idiots in every health care system but the same one, insisting the added injury is part of the process. Provides prescriptions refills only after weeks of harassment. Office staff (including those in referral offices) mostly incompetent. Wears lab coat well. Note - his office continues to contact me for follow up visits a year after being told he's not my doctor. Verdict: real doctor, seriously real medical staff.

Local Chevy Dealership:
Ostensibly provides real goods and services. Tends to "forget" repair items, but remembers them when creating the bill. Ignores calls and e-mails requesting assistance. Won't lose phone number or e-mail addy when spamming potential clients (HA! - as if). Verdict: sales and service run by top flight neurosurgeons.

11 comments:

Jay said...

Maybe you could go to a Chiropractor sometime and let us know if he/she is a real .. oh nevermind. We already know they aren't real doctors.

Maundering mutterer said...

Oh cool! I know one or two 'neurosurgeons' too: I think I'll call them that. Pity they won't know the full extent of the joke!

GreenJello said...

I think you should go to a faith healer next.

Whitemist said...

neurosurgeons I know well - a Chevy dealership indeed!

Captain Dumbass said...

All car dealerships should be carpet bombed.

Tragic said...

I will heal you. I'm horrible at that sort of thing but apparently I'm better than most doctors.. I was far better off when I was just quietly dying, now they've gone and muxed up the whole process..

Avitable said...

What about Doctor Pepper?

Robin said...

How about Dr. Strangelove?

Ricardo said...

I'm waiting for you to resort to acupuncture.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Are psychiatrists real doctors?

Grant said...

Jay - they could gain more widespread acceptance if they would only charge more and randomly attack other body parts.

Maundering mutterer - hit them with a cattle prod after delivering the insult to ensure they don't miss out.

GreenJello - I'm in the market for a bunny shaman.

Whitemist - so far, the Toyota dealership appears to just employs competent humans. How odd.

Captain Dumbass - how would dropping carpets on them help?

Tragic - I think I've temporarily escaped their grasp so I can go on with quietly dying. It's less painful.

Avitable - contributes to people being labeled diabetic, but affordable and you know what you get and the vending machines don't keep billing years after you drink it. Not a doctor.

Robin - nearly incomprehensible speech coupled with mass destruction - chief surgeon.

Ricardo - I do that every night, but I call it an insulin injection.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter - they're expensive, unclear at times, and they can prescribe drugs, but I've heard rumors of some of them actually helping their patients. I'd say yes, but they're on probation.