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Grasshopper ice cream.

Real Doctor, Fake Doctor

Or Health Care Update, part the Latest (as if you cared).

Optometrist:
Provides a known and measurable service. Prices reasonable. Provides free (thus far) follow-up support for goods sold. Attempts to send patients to another specialist and to return in three months, but doesn't press the issue. Friendly and competent office staff. Verdict: despite the attempt to drag me through the system, not a real doctor.

High-res photo of me and my newly repaired sunglasses is below.
(former) Bunny Dentist:
Provides a known and measurable service. Prices expensive, but quality of work is exceptional. Provides follow-up support for goods sold at a price. Considers sending patients to another specialists, but settles for return visits in three months. Dental hygienists more miss than hit. Office staff's incompetence has risen below stupidity and should be considered as a valid art form (hence the "former") Note - they tried to twice bill me for work not done for an office visit previously paid regardless of bankruptcy status. Verdict: real doctor, but only because the surrounding team members drag the quality of her care through the toilet.

Current doctor:
Provides services difficult to measure. Prices reasonable. Schedules some follow-up visits with expensive idiots in the same health care system, but drops the issue when improvements made despite their "care". Provides prescriptions for necessary medications. Office staff (including those in referral offices) hit or miss. Wears lab coat well. Verdict: real doctor, but only because of the lab coat. Otherwise, kindly old drug dealer.

Previous doctor:
Provides services difficult to measure. Prices reasonable. Schedules some follow-up visits with expensive idiots in every health care system but the same one, insisting the added injury is part of the process. Provides prescriptions refills only after weeks of harassment. Office staff (including those in referral offices) mostly incompetent. Wears lab coat well. Note - his office continues to contact me for follow up visits a year after being told he's not my doctor. Verdict: real doctor, seriously real medical staff.

Local Chevy Dealership:
Ostensibly provides real goods and services. Tends to "forget" repair items, but remembers them when creating the bill. Ignores calls and e-mails requesting assistance. Won't lose phone number or e-mail addy when spamming potential clients (HA! - as if). Verdict: sales and service run by top flight neurosurgeons.

Good news if you happen to be named Tracy

The Internet is made of cats.

Key quote: "God kills a kitten every time he sees you masturbate." RIP Fluffy (x several times per day).

Fellow glass people

I'm new to the whole wearing glasses thing and as such I've had to try to develop new habits, such as leaving them in a place I'll remember since I can't see where my glasses are when I'm not wearing my glasses. Last week I fell asleep while wearing them, and then awoke to find them bent. I thought about asking what to do from someone with more glasses experience, but I figured that if I bent them one way, I should be able to bend them back if I'm careful enough and CRAP I broke them. Sort of. The right side feels loose and it looks like the screw may have come un-screwed, but I'm not sure since I can't clearly see them without my glasses. They do actually fit better now, but they feel like they're about to fall apart.

So, now what? My vision plan says I'm not eligible for a new frame until May, 2012. How do you handle these issues? Tape? Suck it up and pay full price for another pair? That could get expensive considering the first pair only lasted a month. Do optometrists offer glass repair services? They should, considering how flimsy and cheap their products are. Leave your suggestions in the comment box. Please use a large, clear font in case my glasses have totally disintegrated by the time you respond.

* * EDIT * *
Conversation from a couple of weeks ago:
Me: There's a gap between the lens and frame on my expensive new prescription sunglasses. Does that mean the lens is going to fall out?
Friend: Nah, don't worry about it.

This morning:
Expensive prescription sunglasses: Ping! Clatter clatter clatter.

If you need a visual:


Hopefully the optometrist's offers some kind of warranty. Next time I'm going to the mall like everyone else.

Now I know how the settlers felt

The condenser on my a/c unit fried, which is the thingy that makes the air cold. Now my a/c only blows hot air, which is not really useful in July in Georgia. Having no a/c is like losing a loved one in that you keep wanting to turn to it only to remember it's no longer there, except that when a relative dies people bring you casseroles. When your a/c dies, everyone avoids you until you get it fixed. Also, relatives hate it when you refer to them as "it".

So, last night as my every thought turned my beloved a/c, I sweated and toiled through the evening - eating my fresh pineapple chunks, having several cold beers, and playing video games and watching Farscape via online viewing from NetFlix streamed to my Wii. It occurred to me that this must be what it was like to have lived during the dark ages, or possibly as a settler to our shores fleeing the religious persecution of England so we could force the natives to convert to xtianity. It's comforting to know that I, unlike you, have not become soft and can still survive under such adverse conditions, at least long overnight before I climb into my air-conditioned car and spend the bulk of the day in my climate-controlled cubicle.

And, no, I didn't try opening the windows. When you live in a populated area in the South, the humidity is generally around 12,856% and all that water in the air helps to trap things like pollen, heat, and smells from the foliage and roads. Imagine that someone opened a tar factory in the middle of a swamp and you'll have some idea.

In closing, I am awesome and I will now leave you with a picture of how last night felt.

In other news, I discovered I can't draw sweat drops emanating from me that don't look like unidentifiable splotches. I guess I can't be perfect at everything.

Edumacation

I recently overheard some people talk about the useful things they learned at college (uni), and that made me think. I'm an IT professional, but I can honestly say I've only learned one thing through higher education that I was able to use in the workplace. In my first Assembly class, the instructor informed us that with mainframe systems the enter and return keys have separate functions. Sometime later at an off-hours dead-end computer operator job, my trainer told me the same thing and I was able to proudly and honestly say that I already knew that. $40k+ in student loans - totally worth it.

But if you really want to learn some useful skills and/or life lessons, then clearly you need to go to a more obvious and respectable source - video games. Here is what they've taught me over the years in no particular order.

• Random killing is fun and you will receive no come-uppance whatsoever. (Wasteland)
• If you kill someone because they are annoying and in your way (which is why they don't fall under the random kill scenario above) and the local guards (police) start chasing you, you can always leave the room and re-enter and all will be forgiven. (Ultima V)
• It's okay to drive head-on into a school bus at 230 mph (about 370 kph for you Klingons Canadians) behind the wheel of your million dollar ride as long as you're willing to pay the ultimate price - namely, starting your trip over from the beginning. (Need for Speed)
  
• Seahorses are beautiful creatures of nature and to harm one is a sin which will adversely affect your life. Squid, on the other hand, are fucking evil and should be destroyed on sight. (Ultima IV)
• You can never have too many backpacks, even though they often cost more than precious gems. They're both affordable and necessary due to all the time you'll spend looting corpses. (Dragon Age)
• The most powerful economic force in the universe is fish. (Utopia)

Yes, I have been playing video games since before you were born. Admit your jealousy and move along.

Another Japanese Improvement

The Hello Kitty Ferrari.