Monday, March 15, 2010

Bankruptcy is OVER

I got my official ruling from the courts - w00t! Under the 2005 Consumer Buttrape law, the courts are allowed to take up to six months before issuing the final ruling, during which time the creditors / hospitals / financial rapists are allowed to keep reporting your accounts as delinquent. I assumed that "up to six months" meant "at least six months, if you're lucky", but they surprised me a few months early. I enjoyed closing out over $25,000 of debt I left open in my MS-Money program. Plus it's good to know that the legal bunny provided all the info I needed to join the bankruptcy club (under the current law, you can file and have all the bad stuff happen to you but if you miss a step and don't give the secret handshake then you can still be left owing all the debt). In case the court notification was not official enough, I also received several offers to buy a new car, which is the sure sign that you have successfully filed.

The bad thing is that I will no longer have a reason to see the legal bunny. This comes at a bad time as I had to drop Dr. Bunny as my hot dentist. She was the best dentist I've ever had (which is kind of like saying I just ate the best broccoli ever), but she surrounded herself with such incompetents that I felt the price to get to her was now too high. Literally too high, since her office just tried to bill me for work they didn't do but claimed they did eight months ago (I overpaid for what they actually did at that time). I wrote her a nice letter and explained that I appreciated her care but could no longer tolerate her substandard hygienists or the front desk idiots and I would not be paying for care I didn't receive, plus I mentioned the bankruptcy and said she would have received an official notification from the courts of my intent to file if the office tards hadn't taken eight months to over-bill me for the second time. So now I'm down to only the two drug bunnies at Target, which is a distressing trend.

So, now I have to find an optometrist and a dentist, and I prefer for them to be Vietnamese-American women (I've had great luck with those). For some reason, the doc-finder web sites don't include an option for "hot Asian woman", which is such an obvious oversight. Maybe I should just approach Asian women at random and ask them to look deep into my eyes and sell me drugs.

13 comments:

GreenJello said...

Glad you have your discharge. You can now commence breathing. :)

Captain Dumbass said...

I think you need to move to either San Francisco or up here to Vancouver. I think the overabundance of bunnies would be good for your health.

Jay said...

Maybe you can find a reason to sue your Hot Asian Dentist™ and your Hot Asian Lawyer™ will be able to help you.

Muskrat said...

congrats! who'd you use? i know a hot asian bankruptcy lawyer in buckhead...wondering if you're her client.

Avitable said...

I bet you could think of other reasons to call the lawyer. Assorted bankruptcy questions, to tease her about being friend with Muskrat, etc.

tiff said...

Your plan simply cannot fail - I say go for it!

Grant said...

GreenJello - time to get a bunch of credit cards and max them all out.

Captain Dumbass - the overload might be too much for my fragile state.

Jay - breaking up is hard enough. I couldn't stand to sue her, unless I got some court-ordered sex out of the deal.

Muskrat - it's probably her - I used the office of Bunny & Millard.

Avitable - she'd probably bill the shit out of me if I did that.

tiff - may all of my plans be as flawless as this one.

Muskrat said...

Yep, I forgot that you're the person Avitable asked me to help with a referral! Going out drinking with her tonight, actually. We're going to be sharing a suite in a few months...feel free to drop by.

Grant said...

Muskrat - there's a shiny new nickel in it for you if you get her liquored up and drop her at my door.

SJ said...

Congrats on becoming officially bankrupt!

Grant said...

SJ - I was already morally bankrupt, so now it's good that my finances match as well.

metalmom said...

Bankruptcy rocks!!

Robin said...

Great news!