More than you wanted to know

On November 10, I posted an intermediate level quiz about me (results are here). The questions and answers are below, the correct answer denoted by an asterisk. Take the quiz first if you haven’t already. Warning – cheaters will be killed in a variety of nasty ways. Let me know if you want slow, lingering details.

Concerning Grant - Intermediate

Okay, let’s try the religious thing again. Grant’s ethos:
Satanist – I don’t worship anybody, although he does look pretty cool on my CD covers.
* Unbeliever (because he rejects the xtian terms Agnostic and Atheist) – obviously this was the correct answer because it was the longest.
Mormon – formerly; see here and here and below.
Taoist – I read and enjoyed the Tao te Ching, but I’m still skeptical about the existence of any god.

The vehicle Grant wants:
* 2005 Harley-Davidson Fatboy – what I plan to get before I’m 40.
2002 Chevrolet Malibu – what I have now.
1969 Ford Mustang – what I had in high school.
M1E1 Abrams Tank (any year) – I was assigned to a Bradley, not a tank, although I was in an armored division that had a lot of them.

For money, Grant works as a:
Customer Service Representative – ha.
Writer – not for money. Not yet.
Professional Hitman – I wish. In fact, I wrote an essay in the eighth grade about my desire to be a Mafia Hitman when I grew up (see below).
* Database Administrator – correct.

When forced by his junior high school to pick three careers, which one did Grant NOT list on his official record?
* Firefighter – although I did apply for this as an adult. I tested well and passed all the physical requirements with flying colors (although I almost fell off the balance beam whilst running across it with a coil of hose), but I moved on to Corporate America before they could call upon me.
Green Beret (U.S. Army Special Forces) – because you get paid to kill people.
Stuntman – well, at least it involves bodily harm.
Mafia Hitman – because you get paid to kill people.

Grant’s favorite band / artist:
King Diamond – favorite in high school.
Charlie Daniels – I hate country music.
* Slayer – current fave and correct answer.
The Spice Girls – I would like to sacrifice them to Satan, even though I don’t really believe he exists.

How did Grant leave his last job (not counting his in-house promotion to his current position)?
He quit showing for work and wondered how long it would take for them to notice. – this has always been a fantasy of mine, but I’ve never done it.
He found a new job, put in a two week notice at the old one, and stepped away proud. – more fantasy.
* He said he hated his job and was escorted out by security in violation of the Zero Tolerance Policy (part of that is in this post).
He set the building on fire. – I wrote a story about this, but didn’t actually do it.

How did Grant leave his post in Germany when cycled back to the United States?
He did his patriotic duty and stepped away proud. – so close, and yet so far.
* He broke into his platoon sergeant’s office and super-glued his boots to the sergeant’s desk. – correct. I’ll tell the story in a separate post.
He stole a Hummer and abandoned it at the airport on his way out of the country. – somebody else actually did this, although I didn’t know him.
He set the building on fire. – still not true.

Which of the following is NOT a true adventure from Grant’s Army days?
He was asked to join a mystic cult as a seer so they could sacrifice someone to gain magical powers. – I was asked, although the guy got arrested before I could say no. The full story is here.
In protest, he crashed an armored vehicle injuring all soldiers inside including himself. The full story is here.
He twice set the record with a machinegun and got in trouble with the same shooting up a warning sign. – also a true story.
* While attempting to light a gas-burning stove, he caused a fuel leak and set the tent on fire. – correct answer since it’s a true story but it actually happened to somebody else.

Grant left the Army:
With a chapter 13 Bad Conduct Discharge (BCD) after a court martial.
* By stepping away proud with an honorable discharge and a good conduct medal. – surprisingly, yes.
With a Section 8 Under Other Than Honorable Conditions (UOTHC) discharge after a bad psych eval. – Most people probably thought this one was true.
He’s actually Absent Without Leave (AWOL).

The following statement is NOT true about Grant:
He has been excommunicated from at least one religion. – by my request, I was excommunicated from the Mormon church some years after I left the religion.
His pistol permit was revoked after a college incident. – the full and embarrassing story is here, here, and here.
* He cannot enter certain countries in Europe under pain of arrest for crimes against humanity. – I’ve actually never been caught doing anything wrong.
He has never been arrested as an adult. – Arrested, yes. Convicted, no. For that matter, never even charged.