Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Wewigion part II

Last night's religious post kind of wandered off the high-dive. Sorry, but I can't fulfill my promise of anger because I wasn't angry then or now. I just started to tick myself off while I was reviewing my religious upbringing, because it's important to my actual point, which I will get to eventually.

To sum up, here is a list of my sole parental unit's current beliefs, which I am (unfortunately) not making up:

  • The catholics are right in that god, jesus, and the holy ghost (the holy trinity) are one.

  • All catholic priests are scum who only join the church to get easy access to altar boys.

  • Abortion is so wrong that it is good when a devout christian blows away a doctor who works at a woman's clinic with a shotgun. And his driver. And his driver's wife (this actually happened, although I think the wife survived).

  • Anyone remotely associated with an abortion clinic should die in the name of jesus, who is love.

  • It's not sinning if you get someone else to do it for you.

  • You, personally, are going to Hell.

  • There is no god, wait...the mormons are right, wait...the baptists are right, wait...the other baptists are right, wait...only I am right.

  • All beliefs subject to change with no warning.
As for myself, I think Firm Non-Believer is the best way to describe me.

Anyway, what started this whole thing was an anonymous comment I received a couple of days ago that told me "I KNOW WHAT YOUR DAMN PROBLEM IS. YOU NEED TO FIND JESUS" The funny thing is that it was in relation to a
post that had nothing to do with religion.
First off, let me set the proper tone. I am not the least bit upset because I love getting comments and I love angering christianic whack jobs, so that was a two-fer. For fun, I checked out the web site and found it to be very well designed, but fruity as a nutcake. Then doubt began to settle in and I wondered if it was all a joke. If so, it's very funny, but funnier if these people are actually serious.

All two of the people I talked to about this seemed to think it was obviously a joke, but I'm not convinced (yes, somehow I manage to be cynical and gullible at the same time). After all, I only have to go up one branch of the family tree to find a profane religious extremist. The web site has a reference to Mark 16:15, to which I was told that only the bibles belonging to snake handlers go beyond Mark 15:13. I consulted my King James version, which is obviously the one true immutable word of the lord (ver 2.3) since it is translated into olde English, and it encompasses Mark 16:20.

I still haven't made up my mind on this one, and would appreciate some help. Go to and browse around. The non-christian intro is fun since it informs us that we are all guilty of breaking every commandment and will burn in Hell without their help. As an added incentive, ladies, Kirk Cameron is their spokesman. Please let me know what you think, silly or serious? List reasons. Don't give them any credit card numbers or eat anything they hand you.

Holy crap, out

1 comment:

Ash said...

Ha ha ha... Patrick used to be an altar boy.