Day of Sevens

I thought about posting the story of the first time I cursed and got into trouble, but I’ve said enough about my parents recently and I don’t want my site of evil to degenerate into a whiny blog. Then I thought about mentioning a woman who used to work at my gym who I found very charming and attractive (this was the pre Ninja Bunny Dentist days), but she quit so the story had no end. Finally I decided to steal this meme of Sevens from Sarcasmo.

7 celebrity crushes:
Alexis Bledel
Alyson Hannigan
Jodi Foster
Jennifer Jason-Leigh
Catherine Bell
Lauren Graham (that’s right, I want to sleep with the mommy and the daughter from The Gilmore Girls – preferably at the same time)
Joan Severance
See more comments about my top five here.

7 things I'm good at:
Causing trouble, even when I’m not trying
Writing
Reading
Eviscerating
Dismembering
Decapitating
Recycling

7 things I plan to do before I die:
Get published, preferably before I turn forty
Buy a Harley-Davidson Fatboy
Move to the Pacific Northwest
Tour England, Ireland, and Scotland
Destroy the Catholic church
Patent the Flamesaw
Commit suicide (I don’t like the idea of fate deciding when I go)

7 things I cannot do:
Spell “occasionally” without the aid of a spell checker
Eat at KFC without severe gastric distress
Look at people without wondering what they’ll look like dead and rotting
Live without my Ninja Bunny Dentist (I love her so)
Accept any one religion as the true faith
Lick my eyebrows
Care about the plight of the poor suicide bomber

7 things that attract me to the sex to whom I am attracted:
Sense of humor (note – she doesn’t actually have to be funny, but she must be able to appreciate my dark sense of humor)
Inherently evil
Beautiful smile
Expressive eyes
Preferably Asian
Dentistry skills are nice
Ninja Bunnies are the best

7 things I say often:
Feck off!
Twenty pieces of chicken!
Death to the shitters of the world in (insert year).
Jumpin’ Jehosephats!
Giant Atomic Chickens on a Random Killing Spree.
We can’t stop here – this is bat country. (I’m into non sequiturs)
Jebus Harold Crast on a fucking rubber crutch, Mary and Joseph the Carpenter, hanging off the fucking cross, for crissakes goddamnit shit!