Friday, September 02, 2005

Zorzan, episode 1:

The weirdness begins.

Sometimes I see images that don’t exist, stationary or moving, usually for just a split second or two. I guess the technical term for this is hallucination, but I prefer to think of them as waking dreams. I’ve been able to turn a few of these into stories, mostly by analyzing the mental video clip and asking myself what it signifies or what, exactly, I had seen in my mind’s eye as the waking dreams are not often clear. I had one of these just last week:

I was sitting in my dentist’s chair, reclining like a good little masochist while awaiting the arrival of my cherubic pain technician. Out of nowhere she leapt out in full ninja regalia* and lightly dropped on her feet by my side. In that outfit I could only see her eyes – those lovely, caring, chocolate almond eyes – but I knew it was her because I would recognize those eyes and the flawless golden skin surrounding those eyes and that slim figure anywhere. Like a flash of black lightening, she implanted a crown in my open mouth and then vanished behind a nearby potted plant. The whole sequence lasted about one second, but I replayed it in my head as I tried to make sense of the event.

Accepting my dentist as a ninja is not a stretch – she’s not only of Asian descent, but well skilled in the arts of pain and torture – but as I watched the clip over and over, I began to sense something was amiss. I noticed that she had no obvious weapons on her outfit, but there was more. Then it hit me – perched atop her head was a pair of black bunny ears, definitely not standard ninja issue. This was no ordinary dentist, no ordinary ninja. This was…Ninja Bunny Dentist. That title works best when chanted to the tune of Crocodile Hunter.

And so Zorzan has his first super-powered encounter, which I envision as follows.
Panel 1: Zorzan enters NBD’s lair (a.k.a. the dental office) and shouts “I need a battle cry.”
Panel 2: Zorzan sweeps her into his manly, masculine, muscular arms (although not too muscular since Zorzan got lazy this last weekend and read instead of going to the gym), gazes longingly into her eyes, and says the magic words all women love to hear: “Yarr, prepare to be boarded.”
Panels 3 through 71: At this point the comic gets extremely pornographic, which should made it easier to render. Panels three through seventy-one are dark with a large red X drawn over them.
Panel 72: Zorzan and NBD lay entwined on the dental chair beneath a tangle of their uniforms, sharing a cigarette.
Panel 73: the nearby oxygen and nitrous oxide tanks ignite from the shared cigarette.

Is this the end of Zorzan and Ninja Bunny Dentist? It all depends on how many issues you people buy. Nobius, I’d like you to help get this project rolling. If you could handle a few minor details like the writing and drawing and inking and production and delivery, I’ll do my part and cash the checks.

And to appease a certain candy-flavored blogger who keep insisting I should ask her out in the real world, I could include the following short in the back of issue one demonstrating what would happen if I actually approached my dentist for a date.

Me: “Will you go out with me?”
Her: “Ewww. Ick. Get out of my chair. Get out of my life.”

So I will not be ruining our relationship by approaching her. A lifetime of love and passion is a good thing, but it doesn’t compare to having a talented dentist (kind of like finding an honest mechanic).

* I think the ninja outfit is called a Shinobi Shozoku, but I’m not sure. I fell asleep during that part of my lessons. Later, I had to leave the dojo in disgrace after I assassinated my sempai for accusing me of falling asleep during my lessons.


Butterscotch said...

If the cosmos leads you to another dentist, you had better say goodbye to this one with an attempted hello.

What? Yes, of course that made sense.

Valkyrie said...

I think Grant likes torturing himself.

Nobius said...

Personally, Randi I think Grant loves himself a little too much.


Libélula said...

You're right. The uniform is called a Shinobi Shozoku...

I day dream all the time and I've never had one so vivid...You have got some imagination, Grant...

Weary Hag said...

Yeah, I googled it too and that's the right word for the Ninja thingamajig.

Doncha hate it when someone reads your entire post (or supposedly) and they comment on like ... one word in the whole thing?

I totally loved the imagery you supplied with the nitrous tank exploding while you're enjoying the post hooch cigarette.