Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Interview Meme, part Joe

So I did a couple of interview memes and Joe asked to be interviewed and he posted his answers and then I asked to be interviewed and now I have questions from him. It’s kind of like bloggy incest. Reprint of the rules:

“The only rules are that you have to link back to the original post and you have to put these rules in your post. Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.”

1. If money were no object, what would you spend your life doing?
I would travel to Japan, abduct some hot J-bunnies, kill people at random, then hire a team of lawyers to get me off (the criminal charges – the J-bunnies will get me off the other way). Then I would club baby seals, torpedo endangered whales with an atomic sub, fire the rain forests, introduce great whites into penguin territory (to see if the cold gets the sharks before they get the pengys), cannibalize the J-bunnies and floss with their intestines, then hire a team of lawyers to get me off. Then I would buy the space shuttle, build a home on the moon, start my own J-bunny ranch colony and build a giant mass driver device to obliterate the Earth, starting with the bastard lawyers who got me off.
Or if you’re asking what would I like to do realistically if I didn’t to worry about making ends meet, I would like to write and travel and experience other cultures and continue my Japanese studies, hopefully with a live-in Japanese girlfriend to help me practice.

2. What do you consider to be the best decision you've ever made?
Severing contact with my mother, the last relative in my life. Bad relationships drain and twist everyone involved and tend to drag down all they touch. Whether you are victimized, in denial, Catholic, or just plain stupid, the only real solution for a poisonous relationship is to completely end it. Despite people bitching at me by saying things like “But she’s your mother!”, I never looked back and have felt much better since.

3. If Ebi-chan promised to marry you in exchange for you funding and being fully supportive of her receiving breast augmentation so that she'd resemble an Asian Anna Nicole-Smith (though living), would you accept her offer?
That’s tricky. I don’t have the money and don’t like women who are too materialistic and make ultimatums, but then again I don’t have any other action going on in my life, so if I can borrow the money from question #1 then I’ll go for it. If the marriage doesn’t work, I can always divorce and/or kill and dismember her later. If I don’t like the boobs, I can flip her over and go for anal (the breasts will make comfy pillows for her). Seriously, although I don’t object to large breasts, I think most women look best in their natural state. Japanese women are normally thin with almond shaped eyes, round noses, and glossy, straight black hair.

Exotic Bunny!

When they try to Westernize themselves with breast augmentation, eye and nose jobs, and lightened hair, they lose their exotic appeal.

Western bunny

(although I would still do them, but just because I’m so nice)

4. If two immortals had a fight to the death, how would it end? Bonus add-on: Please estimate the total pay-per-view revenues from the battle.
It would be a never-ending slugfest with no possible winner. Imagine any fight you’ve seen. Exciting, ne? Now imagine that going on forever. Initial ratings would be high, but then the American public would wonder what else was on and the whole thing would eventually be relegated to ESPN72r3, sandwiched in between the Weather Channel and Basket Weaving Network. People would flip through the channel every so often and at one point would wonder when the immortals decided to stop fighting and instead debate the classics. “Next week on Immortal Smack-down – Moby Dick vs. Jane Eyre!” After advertising, publicity stunts, kickbacks, licensing fees, and lawsuits, I see a total profit of about $1.72 if the immortals do go for the leather bound hardbacks, in which case I hope your credit is good.

5. On your blog, you refer to yourself as "The Grantichrist" have you ever considered something more child friendly, like "GrantiClaus"?
My blog template and title are deliberately unfriendly. Whenever I use a standard template and don’t head the page with plenty of Voodou cannibalistic psychotic Satanism, I draw some mommy kitty xtian bloggers who comment a couple of times, then slowly realize I’m not normal when I leave a few comments in return talking about sodomizing Asian schoolgirls, then the inevitable e-drama ensues involving a lot of people deciding to move and hide their blogs (and in some cases being so stupid as to leave me on their distribution list when they tell everyone their new site because they had to escape me), so I figure this way you’ve all been warned.

BTW, this is post #1,100, bitches.


NYD said...

"Japanese women are normally thin with almond shaped eyes, round noses, and glossy, straight black hair."

Man that shit just cracks me up.

Hope you enjoy the New Year's Eye candy. It ought to keep you busy throughout the year.

P.S. I kept the lingerie one for myself.

SJ said...

1. Good that at least you have a plan ... unlike me.

2. I decided not to kill myself many years ago.

3. Ditto.

4. ??? Immortals ???

5. I like the template.

SSC~ The Domestic Diva said...


# 1 & 5 I don't know if I should be frightened as I might be defined as in #5. I didn't know you were on that distribution list!

#2 Bad relationships drain blah blah blah...end it....I couldn't have said it better!!!! Well done.

#3 Again I was okay and then you frightened me .

As with the looks and altering I see your point with the pictures. The top girl was the hottest. Like the quote that you would still have sex with her to be nice, you are a pig. But I guess someone has to do it right?

#4 Funny!!!

Oh and congratulations.....

April said...

I wanna come live on the moon too. Would you build me a house there too, since money's no object? Maybe send over a bunny for me from time to time. I promise I'll give her back when I'm done with her.

You know, I would die if my son and I didn't have a relationship when he grew up. However, I'm not a shitty mom. So there would never be a reason for him to cut ties with me. I had to cut ties with my dad, so I know where you're coming from. Just because they're your parents, doesn't mean they aren't shitty people. And who the hell wants shitty people in their life?

April said...

Oh and interview me too, bitch.

Grant said...

nyd - if the reality is that Japanese women are naturally blonde fatties with big round eyes, keep that info to yourself. I like my fantasies as they are.

sj - feel free to adapt my plan to your needs (but save a few bunnies for me).

ssc - pigs is tasty.

april - for some reason, people who haven't been there think all parents must be somewhat good people, as if the production of eggs and sperm cease if you are a total dickbag.

april - I don't have your e-mail address, so I dumped the questions in your blog.

Leon Basin said...

You blog is freaking awesome! Thanks for sharing.

metalmom said...


Just because "mom" is in my name, don't go getting all judgy on me!

LMAO @ Granticlaus!!

SSC~ The Domestic Diva said...

Pigs is tasty, you have to do more that that. I am slow what does that mean?

Captain Dumbass said...

I saw a jbunny this weekend who was too perfect. It was abnormal. I still stared, but still, she was just too perfect.

I like #1.

Real Live Lesbian said...

LMAO @ Granticlaus! It's just so YOU!

Anonymous said...

I'm proud not to be a mommykitty xtian thank you! And I think "Grantilicious" would be hot too ;-)

Monogram Queen said...

Happy 1100th post Grant!

So... you scare off the mommy kitten xtian bloggers eh? I guess only the STRONG survive!!!!!!

Grant said...

leon - thanks.

mm - the metal part keeps you cool.

ssc - it doesn't mean anythihg except that I like bacon.

cda - bunny! I hope you captured her for me.

rll - I'll use it next xmas.

jgrrl - the bloggysphere has enough of them already.

mq - as long as the template doesn't scare the bunnies it's doing its job.

Joe said...

So when you said "cannibalize the J-bunnies and floss with their intestines, then hire a team of lawyers to get me off." I noticed you didn't specify how, and I assume that's because you'd just cannibalized the J-bunnies that got you off (the other way).

And is this why you kill the lawyers later? To keep them from telling?

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