Interview with the jGrrl

Since my imagination went into hibernation (although it is now showing some signs of eventually waking), I’ve been unable to write or post anything entertaining so I’ve just stuck with J-bunny pics and memes. This is sort of a meme, but one personalized by a fellow blogger. The meme rules:

“The only rules are that you have to link back to the original post and you have to put these rules in your post:

Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.”

Now onto the questions:

1. If you had three wishes (impossible or otherwise) what would you wish for and why?
a. J-bunny. Preferably Ebi-chan. The reason is obvious.

b. A new, undamaged body (preferably one pleasing to J-bunnies)

because I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and my previously unsick body didn’t reflect my generally healthy diet and the amount of exercise I threw at it. I got gypped in the womb.
c. Three more wishes. With never ending wishes, I wouldn’t have to save them for special occasions. “I wish for slightly more mayo.” I know I could wish for an infinite number, but it’s more fun to draw out the process this way.

2. If you could personally customize one of your J-Bunnies to your specifications (describe her ie; measurements, appearance, skills, etc.) what would she be like?
Despite my drooling over Ebi-chan, she would be a lot like my Japanese teacher – over thirty (but she looks about twelve), about five feet (1.5 meters) tall, under 90 pounds (about 40 kilos), cute, funny, cheerful and at least accepting of my dark sense of humor even if she doesn’t have a dark side of her own. So far that perfectly describes sensei, but we leave her behind here. She would also need to be upfront with issues if my intuition fails me and has to be able to accept kindness without getting spoiled or taking it for granted. Head games are totally out. Anal sex addicts and killing power are bonuses. Psychotic J-metal bunnies who own their own liquor store will be worshipped as gods.

3. If you could go back in history to any time at all - where would you go and what would you do?
I don’t like history because too much of it doesn’t have air conditioning, but I guess I would return to that year the Atlanta Falcons underdogs beat the favored Minnesota Vikings and would bet my house on the outcome of the game, return to my present time and then use the money to get the fecking medical community off my back for good.

4. What is your favourite superhero and why?
I kind of like the Punisher because he dresses cool and shoots people, but my all-time favorite is Spider-Man. I never identified with DC comics because the heroes seemed boring and too powerful and they lived in such a fantasy world. Spidey is strong but not invulnerable, has girlfriend problems, and lives in New York which is unfortunate because he has trouble paying his rent on his meager earnings. He should move to Atlanta.

5. What would be your ten commandments if you were the leader of your own religion?
Are you saying I’m not the leader of my own religion? I guess Floobertism is too cool for the common masses.
I. Thou shalt have no other god before me. That one stays even though it seems redundant, kind of like a rule ordering people to obey the rules.
II. All attractive men and unattractive women will be gay with no exceptions. Therefore, any hot women who want hetero sex will be stuck with me.
III. Exception: hot Asian schoolgirls willing to make out and post videos on YouTube are allowed.
IV. Thou shalt not kill, unless the person really deserves it, like if they’re rude or can’t get your order correct or if you really don’t like them and their death would improve your life or at least provide a cheap laugh. Under those strict circumstances, go to it and good luck.
V. This commandment is to repeal the last commandment because it’s stupid. What was I thinking?
VI. Anyone caught trying to organize my religion will be summarily executed with a chainsaw to the face.
VII. Any consenting adult can marry any other consenting adult(s), but don’t expect the government or society to subsidize your relationship.
VIII. Any marriage which turns out to be a mistake or devolves into a hurtful relationship will be terminated. That’s right – your new religion insists on ending poisonous relationships instead of forcing you to stay together to the detriment of yourselves and everyone around you. (just get a divorce already, people – you know who you are)
IX. It is perfectly okay to end every sentence with the phrase “until the world is destroyed by Giant Atomic Chickens™ in accordance with Satanic prophecy”.
X. Blowjobs are an acceptable alternative to handshakes and hugs. Every business meeting should conclude with them.