Who has the Voodoo?

I do. I have finished reading my book on Voodoo, and so Zorzan the Splendiferous has a new weapon in his arsenal. Fools! I’ll destroy you all! Wait, I’ll need a lock of hair from each of you before the magic works. Just send it to me and in five to seven business days (fewer if you use priority mail) I’ll destroy you all! Fools!

Actually, it’s really a humorous coffee table book with as much factual information as Colonel Sanders has military experience. I only paid $4.49 for it, so I wasn’t expecting much. The Voodoo doll is still kind of cute, and if I focus enough energy upon it while stabbing it with pins (included), who knows what will happen?

This reminds me of a time when I was in junior high school. While at the public library, I decided to look for books on witchcraft, because that’s what guys like me do. Most of the books I found had misleading titles – for example, Satan is Alive and Well on Planet Earth is seriously disappointing – but I did locate a couple that contained actual spells. One had a Native American spell (it didn’t say which tribe) for rain. All you had to do was place a stool in your back yard and sit in it naked until the storm began. I bypassed that one and a few others going for the chewy caramel center – the Death Spell. I don’t remember all of it, but it was a very elaborate ritual that involved, amongst other things, 1) procuring a jewel encrusted gold box, 2) fashioning a bar of gold to represent the victim, 3) burying the bar inside the box next to a running river and leaving it there forever, and 4) performing a sacrifice with some kind of expensive dagger. I decided that if I wanted somebody dead, I’d just skip the early steps, go straight to the sacrifice and stab my intended victim. It seemed easier.