- Sick of living off beans and applesauce for weeks, force myself to go to the grocery.
- Feeling too ill to cook any of the new food, grab dinner from McDonald's.
- Debate with employees at both windows about who will provide a receipt (final decision - neither).
- Spend hours having menopause hot flashes and constantly turning the a/c down.
- Fever breaks, periodically turn a/c up again and fall asleep on futon watching reruns of Scrubs.
- Awaken in the middle of the night to discover I am nauseous because I am in mid-vomit.
- Consider running to the toilet, but decide it is too late to not puke on the futon and floor and decide to contain the damage to that area.
- Note that regurgitated fries look like watery oatmeal, scoop vomit into the futon covers then race them to the washing machine.
- Realize too late that the machine was already almost full.
- Mop up remaining bits of vomit, turn washer on, go to bed.
- Awaken too late to check status of vomit - rush off to work.
- Enter apartment to realize that the day's heat did not cause the sour vomit smell to dissipate.
- Discover that the washer was indeed overloaded and that some of the vomit was more solid than first appeared.
- Unload washer, shake clothes to dislodge larger chunks into the trash, place in piles.
- Spend evening doing several rounds of trying to clean the barf juice from the futon cushion while disinfecting the air with Green Apple Lysol while washing a load of clothes followed by scraping the leftover vomit out of the washing machine.
- Out of bed by the crack of five PM. Notice apartment still smells of vomit.
- On the advice of Tracy whose Puke-fu is strong, go to Publix to buy Oxy Clean, aka Barf Begone (not a real slogan, but it should be).
- Consider buying a box of Friday's Bacon and Cheddar Potato Skins because they're half off.
Q - how can you identify what is on sale at Publix?
A - look for the empty spaces on the shelves.
- Having learned my lesson, have burger and fries from Krystal as the day's meal instead. (note - this time, pass on barfing since I'm still dealing with Thursday's upheaval)
- While cleaning futon again, decide to name this weekend Vomitmas 2011.
- Awaken and note that Sunday will not in fact be the first day of Vomitmas that will not revolve around stomach issues.
- Look at new food, decide I can't stomach anything stronger than beans and applesauce, then eat them on the futon that no longer smells like a fraternity carpet while watching Scrubs reruns.
- Back to work! (at least I have permission to work this day from home)