Tis the Season

Last Sunday was a very sacred day to me, a day I shall forever remember as "after two days of vomiting and sharting and farting and only being able to hold down an English muffin and two glasses of water, finally feeling well enough to eat something but having no food since I haven't felt well enough to go to a grocery for weeks and so I went to Pappasito's for some Tex-Mex takeout and spent fifteen minutes in the parking lot trying to escape wondering why they were so busy at 3 PM on Sunday" - um, mas. Then I got home and ate my taco al carbon and replayed some of the images I had seen in my mind, the gridlocked traffic in the parking lots, the bored children waiting for a table wandering after every passing stranger, the dressed-up old women in obvious discomfort being helped in and out of cars, and I remembered - it was Dress Up and Take the Family Out to Someplace Packed and Crowded Oh What Fun Day! Some antiquated calendars still list it as Mother's Day.

I'm not against holidays. I'm all for the claims that we should remember to celebrate things on a daily basis instead of just once per year, but I still think it's nice to set aside a special time to reflect and celebrate certain events or concepts. I'm just saying that we've gotten lazy and / or stupid (where we = you) in that we've decided that every holiday must be celebrated in the same way at the same time, usually by consuming a certain product or service. Blame Corporate America all you want, but unless they're marching into your homes and forcing you to go to KFC* at gunpoint, you're a willing participant. So, next holiday, how about you actually give it some thought first, then decide to do something that is both fun AND actually celebrates the concept behind the holiday.

This public service announcement is brought to you by the foundation for Father's Day is coming and I may want another taco and I don't want to get stuck in my car again because the parking lot is full of unhappy old men mopping the sweat from their bald heads with their ties as they edge into hour two standing under the hot July sun waiting for an available table.

Proper way to celebrate Valentine's Day.

* Seriously - I once had a coupon from KFC that said "not valid on Mother's Day". Then I drove by one that day and saw the parking lot was jammed, the dining room and drive-thru were packed to capacity, and cars were lined up in the street waiting to get in. KFC? For real? Wouldn't it be easier to just give dear old mom a five dollar gift certificate and say "Thank you for not making me an even bigger emotional wreck."?