Friday, February 25, 2011

So that happened

Last night I went home after a long day of work and rested on the futon. Then I farted and the noxious gas was smelly enough to make me want to flee the room. Then I made several emergency shuffles to the bathroom to explosively expel diarrhea. Then I got into one of my coughing fits while on the toilet which caused me to shart in sync with every cough. Coughing shakes my belly, which is like shaking up a Dr. Pepper before opening it, so then I started belching and eventually had to barf out my dinner oatmeal. I didn't want to get off the pot and put my face in a bowl of toxic shart, so I leaned over and vomited into the shower. Several times. Then I gasped for breath and wished I had air to breath that didn't smell like puke, toxic shart, and blue toilet water. Then it occurred to me that, although I knew I would recover, at that moment I was not happy to be alive and was in fact looking forward to death. None of this stopped me from working last night or from returning to the office today. I am ridiculously awesome.

But I'm sure you don't want to hear about any of that stuff, so here is a bunny.

Current crush - Rika Satou, 24yo race queen bunny.


April said...

I once drank so much that the next day when I had diarrhea, the smell of it made me vomit. But I was still squirting water from my ass. The sink was right there (it was a very small bathroom) so I turned my head toward the sink and starting puking in it. I, too, was shitting and puking at the same time. And I, too, remember that I wanted to die at that moment.

It was very, very sad. And disgusting.

Jay said...

That's a pretty shitty night. I caught a 24 hour bug once that had me doing the same thing. I prefer not to relive it ever.

He, at least the Bunny is cute.

PAMO said...

Yep- sounds awful.

Charlotte Ann said...

lol...cause I've been there, done that and would never have had the nerve to publish.....

Kira said...

You live the life I want, Grant. Wanna trade?

Grant said...

April - fortunately for me, alcohol is one of the few things that does not negatively impact my condition.

Jay - I think it's an experience I too would prefer not to repeat.

PAMO - it was.

Charlotte Ann - those days are the high point of my life.

Kira - never! I've worked too long and hard to get here.