Thursday, December 16, 2010

What I Have Done

Since the holidays are a time of quiet reflection in addition to the greed, wild partying, booze and hookers, I've been thinking about some of the things I've done in my life. The following is a list of unusual things I have done. I'm sticking with unusual so I don't bore you with things like "ate a cheeseburger" or "just wrote these words". I'm also omitting things that could get me prosecuted.
  1. Illegally crossed two borders in Europe.
  2. Been asked to leave a church.
  3. Been asked to leave a shopping mall.
  4. Personally apologized to a chimpanzee.
  5. Played the trombone (successfully) and the harmonica (poorly).
  6. Paid for sex (legally).
  7. Seen a UFO.
  8. Jumped out of a helicopter.
  9. Worked 120 hours a week while maintaining a 3.9 GPA at uni.
  10. Eaten an entire octopus.
  11. Destroyed a ceramic chicken while dressed as a ninja.
  12. Had a pony.
  13. Had my first two cars stolen, one by each parent.
I get the feeling that I'm forgetting a lot, but I can't remember what it is I don't remember. I'll add things later if I feel like it. And of course we can top that off with the one thing I (regretfully) haven't done.
  1. A bunny.
Feel free to ask for elucidation in the form of future posts, but I warn you that the details behind the incidents are probably less sordid than you'd like.


Jay said...

Let's see ... I've only done one of the things on your "have done" list and only one of the things on your "have not done list."

Lady Tragic said...

I would share a list of interesting things that I have done however I'm not completely sure of the statute of limitations for some things in my country so perhaps I should just leave them for coffee and quiet chats over still warm cadavers..

Captain Dumbass said...

A most impressive list. I however, have done a bunny.

Avitable said...

I would like to hear about the UFO unless it's some shit like it turned out to be a military helicopter or something. Plus, the ninja story has to be relatively interesting, doesn't it?

Knight said...

I started a list of things I've done but the first 13 were elderly men and I felt redundant. After reading your list I'm I know you?

Maundering mutterer said...

I will wish you a bunny for 2011 then.

metalmom said...

I NEED to know.... had a donkey...Is that like "You OWNED a donkey"? or more like "You FUCKED a donkey"?

Grant said...

Jay - was it Kobe Tai?

Lady Tragic - just post pics of hot Asian women then. Everyone loves that.

Captain Dumbass - I see no evidence on your blog that you've had bunny sex at least three times, so you're probably trying to cover for the fact that you've only done the other things on my boring done list.

Avitable - actually it probably was military aircraft since I was near an air force base at the time, but I'm calling it a UFO because it was a flying object and I never did identify it.

Knight - I've only done twelve elderly men, so I doubt we travel in the same circles.

Maundering mutterer - I can't wait that long. Mail her now!

metalmom - my family had a pasture and a pony when I was young. I don't know where you got donkey from. Apparently you just have them on the brain.

Prata said...

Things I have done:

bunnies <--- note the S. Yes, several of them.

Several of them are in the same family. ^_^

Dude...we should meet up. I may be traveling in that direction with Indian meat. Wait, that's not right, let me clarify that....well no that's probably accurate. I'll send you an e-mail!