Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Holiday Drama

I'm lucky enough to have no family and very few friends, so I'm usually spared any extra drama around Hannukwanzaramadamas time. This year, however, reality is giving me a candy caning.

First, Deathstar hospital continued their attempts to bill me. Their latest communique states that because they are now billing me under a slightly different name, my only recourse is to pay them or petition the courts to add the new billing name to my list of debtors. Since you should never take legal advice from lawyers retained by companies trying to screw you, I turned the issue over to the law bunny. No response from anyone recently on this issue which is fine since I'm trying to cut added drama from my life (HA!), but it's nice to have this hanging over me like mistletoe made of poison ivy.

Since I only had two takers on the "who wants an xmas card from me?" dealy, I decided to kick things up a notch and go with presents instead. I tried to Amazon some cool Lego Star Wars toys to a Canadian blogger, but this is not allowed. I can only imagine it's because Canada is nearing success on their nuclear program and tiny plastic toys will give them what they need to finally invade and nuke NY city, which would be bad because there could be tourists from decent parts of America harmed as well. But screw them - I decided to ship the toys to myself, then reship them to Cannuckland, patriotism be damned. Amazon contracted one company to send these items and another company to ship these three items. FUN GUESSING GAME - guess which package got lost in the mail? Yes, you guessed it - it was the package with the three cool items.

So thus began the fun of tracking the missing package. The tracking web site simply said "delivererd". After much clicking, the only support I could get was by phone (which I hate, btw). This led to an automated system asking for my tracking number which said the package could not be tracked and that I should contact the local post office for help. Tired of dealing with the postal system, I returned to Amazon for help. Their site told me to call the postal number. After further digging, I was finally able to open a complaint via e-mail and was asked if I would like a refund or a replacement. I asked for a replacement. Apparently they lost the last Assassin Droid / Shadow Stormtrooper / Mace Windu's in existence because they said no more were available, so they went with the refund.

Now flash back to late October when my bank was overtaken by another bank. As part of the fun of transitioning I had to destroy my old debit card, activate a new one, and update all of my accounts. Shortly before the fun with the post office ordeal, I reconciled some old payments and discovered that my new account was still honoring claims against my old debit card, three of which were made to a vendor I didn't recognize. I looked for online support, discovered they only handle these issues over the phone (grr) and began the fun process of having my debit card canceled (which makes no sense because it was the previous card being charged, but they insisted it was the thing to do), living off cash for a week (which felt like touring a foreign country), and then doing all the fun activities with debit card yet again. Plus I received paperwork from them to fill out with a bunch of neat categories from which to select, none of which covers my situation, and a phone message asking that I call and talk to them again (whee). And although they honored claims against the old card they told me to destroy from the old bank, they're very efficient at not allowing refunds to their first debit card.

So, to my Canadian blogger pal, I say sorry that you will only be getting two really cheap toys that will have cost me around $50 in total payments to have some shipped to me, other toys lost in the mail, and then reship the remaining ones to you, and if you ever visit our superior nation then I will most likely attempt to kill you for your involvement in my latest round of drama.

And now I understand why people add booze to their egg nog. It's time to nog the rest of 2010 into submission.


April said...

Do you constantly have a black cloud, raining on your head? Because you have the worst.luck.ever!

Captain Dumbass said...

Maybe we're being punished for sending you Justin Beiber.

PS. I saw a bison today and ran away screaming.

Jay said...

I would feel bad about this, but part of me enjoys you having to deal with drama during the holidays like the rest of us.

Okay, no I don't. I feel bad.

Maundering mutterer said...

Yus and I got my 'Xmas card' day before yesterday in perfect order - a brilliantly funny book about Democracy 'Inaction' and a mouth wateringly presented (lots of pics of wars and stuff - drool)history of the United states.

Who sent this? Who the fuck is Grant? How the heck did he get my address? And then I remembered the Xmas card thing. Some Christmas card, dude - thankyouthankyouthankyou.

What you forget, Grant, is that I have YOUR ADDRESS NOW! Mwahahahahahahahahah! You will see what I will do with that!

dr.alistair said...

grant, i dislike bureaucracy as much as you do, but i did laugh at the horrid circumstance you described in dealing with the banks.

i refuse to carry plastic of any sort since my divorce and use cash only to defeat many of the banks three-lock-box games of holding/stealing funds and giving my money to others to avoid liability on their part.

it is an on-going struggle for me to be able to not project my anger at past fuckups by the banks onto current arrangements, but i simply refuse the plastic game. it solves many problems.


merry christmas...the one with the three wise men, mary and joseph, the baby jesus, single malt whiskey, presents, too much food and family jammed into a small living room with more whiskey and my loving wife.

oh yeah and my new pup jake...who eats everything, including my triathalon glasses...but i love him anyway.

my fault for leaving them within paw distance.

tiff said...

What April said. Your life would make a most excellent soap opera. Sorry about that.

Lady Tragic said...

I'm waiting anxiously on some stuff that I ordered for myself but I'm terrified that somehow the US customs will think I'm some kind of dissident or something because I ordered a camera USB cable, some Pagan jewelry and a T-Shirt from "It Gets Better" you know that stuff totally means I'm going to overthrow your government, for reals.

Avitable said...

But wait, am I getting a damn Christmas card or not?

Grant said...

April - my black cloud rains hammers.

Captain Dumbass - those bison are everywhere. It's too bad the government prevented our early attempts at rubbing them out.

Jay - if you're into schadenfreude then I'm the eternal giver.

Maundering mutterer - somewhere between those two view points, the truth must lie.

dr.alistair - I ran into several situations wherein people were not in a position to deal with cash. I'm surprised nobody called for a manager to approve a cash transaction.

tiff - what I said to April.

Lady Tragic - those items can be combined to make a nuclear weapon. Or possibly a smoothie.

Avitable - let me recheck the list of two people who signed up for cards who don't live in the US to see if you are on it.

Avitable said...

I was pretty sure I signed up, too. Or emailed you and told you that I already knew you had my address and that I would send you bunnies if I got a card. Or something.

Grant said...

Avitable - I don't remember any of that happening, but if it will make you feel better let's say that I sent you a present and it got lost in the mail. In fact, I sent you the Mona Lisa. No, wait, I mailed the entire Louvre. Check to see if your neighbors got it.