Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Kicking Avitable up a notch

Adam created an ingenious way to collect names and addresses so that he'll have plenty of blackmail material when the revolution comes and his back is against the wall. Not to be outdone, I'll play along and pretend that I'm celebrating Hannukwanzaramadamas this year by sending cards and/or gifts as a pretense for discovering your true identities. Send me an e-mail or leave a comment with the following information and I swear upon various bibles and/or gods that I will not invade your house, eat your cookies, dump canned salmon into your heating vents, set fire to your toiletries, replace your mayo with Jergen's lotion, and subscribe to Adam Sandler movies with your on-demand service.

1. Your real name.
2. Your address.
3. Your alarm code.
4. Number and type of guard pets and the amount of chloroform you think it will take to knock them out long enough for me to invade your house, eat your cookies, dump canned salmon into your heating vents, set fire to your toiletries, replace your mayo with Jergen's lotion, and subscribe to Adam Sandler movies with your on-demand service, not that I would do any such thing.
5. Whether or not you are a hot Asian woman.
6. Answer question #5 first.
7. Trace an outline of your house key in the space below.




8. Dates and times when you are typically away.

Happy greetings, y'all!

8 comments:

Lady Tragic said...

If you promise to come personally then it'son! I will totally kidnap you forevs! Come to Canada, we have bacon.

P.S: my city has an amazing abundance of gorgeous bunnies due to our university having a deal of some sort overseas..

Pearl said...

My real name is unpronounceable so I go by "Pearl".

I'm pretty sure I'm just down the street.

All codes are rather alarming, don't you think?

The cats have agreed to keep quiet in exchange for the good shrimp.

I am not now nor have I ever been a hot Asian woman. I have, however, been hot. :-)

I've left the doors open. Promise you'll take the renters with you...

Even when I'm there, I'm away.

:-) I love your blog and have added you to my blogroll.

Rock on.

Pearl

tiff said...

Thsi sounds like SUCH a good idea.

Avitable said...

By a weird coincidence, all of my information is identical to your own! Just fill it out for me, will you?

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

I don't want a card, I want a stripper. Promise that and I'll send you my addy posthaste. Pinky-swear.

Captain Dumbass said...

Don't bother with the canned salmon because most of it comes from here anyway. And I'm related by marriage to several bunnies.

Grant said...

Lady Tragic - bacon is my kryptonite (along with potato salad, fried chicken, and chocolate milk). But I might be willing to risk it for bunny.

Pearl - I know where down the street is. It's just up the street from that place further down the street.

tiff - it's even better than getting rich by helping all those Nigerian royals.

Avitable - does that mean you're living with me now? No wonder I'm always out of socks, beer, and toilet paper.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter - will I get bonus karma points if I can get Adam to be your stripper?

Captain Dumbass - for you, I'll switch to live crawdads. It'll be a Southern treat.

Muskrat said...

I almost fell for it...until I read the one about tracing keys.