Thursday, August 12, 2010

I'm probably a cheap date also

When I bought my awesome new car, hereafter dubbed the Bunnytroller, I was happy to get the salesman that I did - helpful and personable, but not trying to sell me a bunch of junk I didn't want. He asked what I wanted, which was basically a station wagon that's not called a station wagon, not too small and sits up higher than a regular car, which lead us straight to the RAV4. That experience is the complete opposite of the first dealer I ever visited. I went to Hyundai, a brand new to our shores, and asked to see something cheap with air conditioning and a cassette player. The salesman was adamant that I look at this one lonely car sitting that he insisted was perfect for me - a tiny red piece of crap with black vinyl interior and no a/c. In Texas. In July.

Question - why do you think a tiny car from Korea, a country not associated with car production at that time, with no a/c and black vinyl interior would fail to sell in the Jesus-intensive republic of Texas in July? Was it maybe infested with robot ninja monkey mice? Discuss.

So, I didn't buy a Hyundai in '91. This time when I went to get a Toyota, the sales guy asked what sort of amenities I wanted - Bluetooth, leather, moon roof, heated seats, nav-system, etc. I asked for a cloth interior, CD player, and a/c. "Base model," he said. Apparently I'm easily satisfied. They had a sport model without the spare tire on the rear, but I actually think that adds to the appearance. Leather makes me sweat and is hot in the summer and cold in the winter. I don't have or want a Bluetooth. Nav-system sounds neat, but I rarely travel and I can already find work, the grocery, the library, and home. I don't see the appeal of (or know the difference between) a sun and/or moon roof, but I bought a car so I could be shielded from the environment (read: heat, light, bugs, humidity, and stench) and I have no desire to add ways to let in outside air. I sat on heated seats once, and the feeling of warmth spreading from my anus to my butt cheeks left me with the feeling that I was soiling myself. I will pay extra not to endure that. I wonder, if I pay them an extra grand, will the dealership offer to remove the a/c and punch holes in the body?

I just said all that to remind you that I have a new car and you don't.

12 comments:

Avitable said...

I'm jealous. It will probably be 2011 before I can get a new one.

Maundering mutterer said...

Beast! All I ever get are second hands already ten years old and then I ride them for another ten or more or until they fall apart. Tell you what though: my Mazda Rustler Circa 1994 ROCKS (especially when you push it from the side and then let go)... and the rust? Mad Max never had anything so funky AND it makes for good ventilation!

Fernweher said...

haha...classic car salesman funniness. i still have 0 cars..

Jay said...

My car only has 157,000 miles on it. But, I think you've inspired me to get a new car. Except I'm going to get a big Toyota Land Cruiser. Which will be bigger and shinier than your Rav4. That way the hot Asian chicks will be more impressed with me.

metalmom said...

You only reminded me that you're a dick.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

My husband once had a Ford Expedition (GAH! HATED IT!) that not only had heated seats but also seats that would cool. Basically, there were little, tiny holes in the leather from which cooled air would come out. The first time I turned them on, I thought I had pissed myself. Of course, the first time I turned on the heated seats, I thought I was going through early menopause.

Yeah, I have short-term memory issues. Just issues in general.

Monogram Queen said...

NOT jealous because I have a bad-ass Dodge Charger - and you don't!

Ha ha! (j/k i'm glad you've got a nice car Grant - you of all people deserve it for the shit you have had to endure)

Robin said...

My car is nearly 5 years old and I have 2 more years to even pay it off. I want a new car but with my husband out of work it's not a smart idea. My husband used to have a car with heated seats, I LOVED it but then we live in the Northeast.

Grant said...

Avitable - if possible, could you buy my old car so I can continue to feel superior. There's a good chance it will still be sitting at the dealership next year.

Maundering mutterer - I thought you had rhinos and elephants on your continent. Why would anyone want to drive a car when they could have their own rhino?

Fernweher - with luck, that number will double in the coming years.

Jay - now I have to buy a Japanese tank and outfit it with chrome and Hello Kitty stickers to retain my status as America's top bunny magnet.

metalmom - you needed reminding?

Coal Miner's Granddaughter - I think you have Ford's advertising slogan right there. "Now with added accessories that make you feel like you're ready for adult diapers!"

Monogram Queen - Asian women are not at all impressed by American muscle. Trust me - I tried mentioning my awesome '69 Mustang, and they were all "Eww...why?"

Robin - I noticed Chevy has been advertising seven year loans on cars with three year warranties. That's scary. I'm in no shape to deal with an unreliable car, so I went the other way.

Ricardo said...

Leather seats suck. They are of no use in a car and are designed to torture you for the duration of the trip.

Grant said...

Ricardo - but they cost more, and must therefore be better.

Martini said...

Nicely said - I also dislike heated seats and these ridiculous quantities of "amenities" manufacturers are forcing on us in their "packages". I don't WANT power windows. I don't WANT to pay extra for these kinds of things. I want a REAL base model with roll up windows and no gimmicky shit. Want fog lights? Those only come in the $3,000 "technology package" No thanks! Just give me the $100 fog lights dammit!