Thursday, March 18, 2010

Brief Spoiler-Free Patriotic Movie Reviews

The Red Shoes
A lackluster gorefest from Korea without even a single Asian booblet to offset the muddled plot. The shoes are actually pink.

A boring "thriller" featuring parka-clad hotties and Tom Skerritt looking more like Kris Kristofferson.

The Blue Kite
Slow paced drama about the suckage involved when a right-wing military movement overtakes your country. No Asian booblets. The kite is actually blue, though.


Jay said...

But, "Whiteout" does have Kate Beckinsale in it. So, it can't be all bad.

Well, actually it can.

Captain Dumbass said...

I'm going to go play with my wife's Asian boobs. Of course, then she'll probably punch me in the junk because they're all swollen and painful from being pregnant. Maybe I'll just look at some porn.

Grant said...

Jay - it had one brief shot of her entering the shower (no real payoff, of course) and the rest of the time she's in a parka. The sequel definitely needs to be set on the equator.

Captain Dumbass - you could compromise and check out some Japanese horror. That would combine the classiness of foreign film with the hotness of Asian boobs.