Monday, September 21, 2009

Top 10 Movie Characters

This idea was stolen from Jay who ripped it from Avitable who took it from somebody else because celebrities have not been dying fast enough to provide him with adequate blog fodder. I don’t know how the meme started, but I’m modifying it to suit my needs. Instead of just listing who I believe to be the top ten movie characters of all time, I’m changing it to be the ten that resonated with me the most. Also I will be spreading it out over time because, as my attorney pointed out, I’m lazy.

In no real order, we start with:

#1: Darth Vader.

"Nice buns, lady."

The good: he’s bad.
The bad: he’s not that good at it.
The ugly: he “progressed” from being played by David Prowse to Hayden Christensen.
Best line: “I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

Okay, so maybe he’s a tad cartoonish, but he was the ultimate baddie in a movie which defined a decade. Every decade has had its defining cultural moments. The 60’s had Woodstock, the 50’s had – well, the 50’s, and the 40’s had WWII. The 70’s had bell bottoms, cocaine, aging hippies, disco, and (thank the zombie jebus) Star Wars. Darth Vader may not impress now (especially after the lame origin stories in episodes I – III), but to an eight year old boy he’s impressive. To an eight year old boy who has been raised in isolation in rural Kentucky and has never before seen a movie on a real movie screen nor has he even heard of the concept of science fiction, he’s totally awesome. He quailed in episode VI and George Lucas lost some of his magic by the time he got around to episodes I – III, but he kicked ass in Empire Strikes Back and showed how a true hands-on leader deals with the failures of underlings – FORCE CHOKE! One advantage to working for him - instant promotions.


Robin said...

the worst part about him: he's a white guy with a black guy voice.

Mighty Hunter said...


Really, there isn't anything else to say after that, is there?

Jay said...

Darth Vader was pretty awesome. And it's still an acceptable Halloween costume.

tiff said...

Vader is the best Darth by far.

Kathy B! said...

Can your attorney come and help me out over at my place?! I'm feeling lazy, too.

And Darth is the perfect start to the meme.

SJ said...

Hmmm when I see a 70s film I find the bell bottoms (*shudder*) more villainous than the villains.

Captain Dumbass said...

I always wondered why, if he could force choke an admiral on a different star destroyer, why couldn't he have done that to Han when he was chasing the Millenium Falcon? Aside from fucking up the story line.

April said...

And here I thought you liked him because he looked like a giant black dick! Guess I was wrong.

Avitable said...

Yeah, I think he's kind of pathetic.

Monogram Queen said...

I have never saw Star Wars movie.
and Grant, you are now blocked at work, can't look at your blog. Have no idea why. :( I will try to keep up at home though.

Hit 40 said...

Harrison Ford was hot!! in Star Wars as Hans Solo. I probably spelled it wrong. Too damn lazy to google this late at night.

Just admit it... you wanted to do the princess.

Grant said...

Robin - would you prefer him with a German accent?

Mighty Hunter - no, that pretty much sums everything up.

Jay - I've never dressed as him because I didn't want my fat body making my childhood hero look bad.

tiff - true, but only because George Lucas rejected my offer to play Darth Shart.

Kathy B! - I can guest post for you if you don't mind J-bunnies and Satanic imagery.

SJ - the bell bottoms help balance out the afros and other long hair so the people don't topple over.

Captain Dumbass - maybe it's a line-of-sight thing. It's probably why Han didn't try to bring him up on the communication screen to laugh at him.

April - no, that's why YOU like him.

Avitable - he can whip all ten of your top movie characters. Okay, maybe not Martin Blank, but Juno is definitely going down.

Monogram Queen - your work is obviously anti bunny and Satan. Execute subliminal command 014 Red Platypus - kill everyone in the building.

Hit 40 - yes, she was an adolescent fantasy for many boys, but I've moved on to bunny now.

dr.alistair said...

i never found that arrogant little bitch attracive.

hans solo was a pussy for getting played by her.

Grant said...

dr.alistair - I thought she was hot, and more plucky than bitchy. Padme, on the other hand, was just a whiny wuss.

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