Tuesday, June 16, 2009

RIT – Random Illness Tuesday

When I was in the good hospital, the nurses asked what goals I wanted to achieve. Although I appreciate being allowed to participate in my treatment, I couldn’t help but think “I’m in a hospital – what do you think my goal is? To get the hell out of here and hopefully never see you again. No offense.” And even though I said “no offense”, they always got offended. So I changed my answer to the generic one I give out in any situation whenever people ask my goals – “To increase my killing power.”

My right foot stinks. Every Tuesday they numb it, flay the flesh from my heel, then cover it with various gunks. It has a loud medicinal smell for the next twenty-four hours. After that, the stench of old blood and stale sweat overpowers the goo. By the end of the week, I’ve really got my reek on (I’m not allowed to change the bandage or clean the area). I’m sure this impresses the bunny pharmacists (yes, there are more than one) when I go to see them. “Look – it’s Ol’ Stinkfoot.” Sounds like a pirate name. At least it’s better than my previous nickname / condition – Ol’ Shartbucket.

I’ve noticed my blood pressure tests are worse when the nurses repeatedly check it. They put the pressure cuff on my arm and activate the machine, which says my blood pressure is very healthy (it’s always been naturally low), then the nurse acts like she can’t believe I could possibly have normal blood pressure, resets the machine, keeps reactivating it and driving the pressure in the cuff up until it feels like my arm is about to break, then finally announces that I have high blood pressure. Is it possible that the added pressure and repeated tests cause a backup which increases my BP? Naturally, it’s at the bad hospital that this happens, not at my regular doctor’s office.

10 comments:

GreenJello said...

Dude, I really really HATE automatic blood pressure cuffs. They hurt! And when they have to redo a test, my blood pressure goes up. Maybe it's because I'M IN PAIN, you idiots!!!

SSC~ The Domestic Diva said...

I am thinking of you and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

Tracy Lynn said...

They are supposed to wait five minutes.

Jay said...

Next time a nurse asks you what your goal is, tell her it's to make lots of babies with her. Either she won't ask that again, or you'll get lucky.

Your BP is probably going up when they redo your test because you're getting aggravated that they keep testing it.

Robin said...

I like the way you think, I think my answer will be "to hone in on my mind reading skills" or something like that. I hope to at least get an eye twitch out of whatever it is.

Hit 40 said...

You have said in several posts that your feet still work? Why would the nurses not know this? Are you in a wheelchair :-(

Grant said...

greenjello - I think they deliberately cause you pain so they can sell you pain pills.

ssc - to which god are you praying? I think I need some Voodou now.

tracy - bastards!

jay - I wonder if it would be cool if I asked them to put the pressure cuff on my penis.

robin - tell them your goal is Pyrokinesis. If they ask further, tell them you want to be able to set and control fires with your mind.

hit 40 - not in a wheelchair, but one of the complications of diabetes is that it can make your feet go numb. They just assume that since I have an open sore, I've already reached that point.

Hit 40 said...

thank heavens!!! ty

SJ said...

My goal would be to get all the nurses to have sex with me before I am cured an leave the hospital.

Ricardo said...

This all sucks. What is the time frame for the wound to heal? Do they know? And what kind of stupid question is that they ask you. Answer should be obvious.