Friday, June 12, 2009

Health Stuff

I’ve been going to the wound care center of the local mega hospital, which is the one I don’t like. The nurses are competent, but the hospital seems more interested in advertising products and keeping patients around as a long-term meal tickets than actually curing anyone. The weekly procedure is that they remove the old bandage, apply a numbing agent (thank the zombie jebus – the doctor worked without it since no diabetic has feeling in their feet), and scrape the dead flesh away. I think they’re trying to amputate on a five year installment plan. Then they put stinky gunk on my foot, cover it with a new bandage, and I get to go back to work. And all is well for an hour or so, then the numbing agent wears off and it stings like I’m walking on fire ants because (as I tell them repeatedly) MY FEET STILL WORK AND HAVE FEELING IN THEM!

The reason I find their treatment methods suspicious is that they do the same thing unscrupulous mechanics do, which is to ask you a question then claim your answer, whatever it is, is the bad one. True situation – a mechanic was trying to convince me to have my wheels realigned every 6k miles instead of when they actually needed it. He asked if my car pulled to one side or not. I said no, and he replied “That’s the worst kind of misalignment – that means it’s locked in a groove.”

So, when the hospital asked what foods I ate and I said mainly miso soup, green tea, rice, and vegetables, they said that was bad and that I needed bacon, eggs, and dairy products (but not skim milk). I followed their advice, and viola! – I gained weight (that’ll help the diabetes). Plus I felt sluggish, like I had been dipped in axle grease, so I returned to my old diet, none of which affected by blood glucose levels at all. Then they asked about my blood sugar level and I reported that it’s now hovering around 180 (it was lower, but all my answers to “What kind of exercise are you doing?” were deemed bad and I had to stop), to which they claimed that 180 is the level that everything shuts down and begins to die. I have the feeling that if I said my level was a constant zero, they’d claim it needs to be a negative number. “If cookies within a five foot radius don’t get sucked into your body as you walk past, it’s unhealthy.”

If you’re a lazy fatass (you know who you are) and you have to go to the doctor but are looking for permission to keep your bad habits, just tell them that you’re into steamed broccoli (unsalted and without cheese), purified water, and jogging up mountains. That way they’ll tell you that you need a six pack of beer, a bag of Doritos, and to sit on the couch watching TV, stat! I get to consult with my regular doctor next week, and I’ll ask if all this wound care stuff is really necessary. I tried asking how long they estimated until my foot heals (I knew better than to expect a straight answer), to which they made vague references to the stuff we’d need to do after the first year passed. WT health F?

As a reward for enduring all my words, here is a bunny - one with breasts this time, for all you whiny women who are fixated on boobage. Why can't you be more enlightened like us men and appreciate women for how they are? Pigs.


April said...

Before I had my leg cut off, they used sterile maggots (who knew you can get them sterile) on my foot to eat away the dead flesh. I made them put me to sleep first, of course. But I was awake for the leeches. Oh the leeches. Disgusting!

I truly hope your wound heals quickly. You might also want to ask your doctor if there's a wound care specialist anywhere else other than the hospital, if you've not already thought of that.

Beautiful boobied bunny!

Anonymous said...

Diabetic ulcers are mostly due to peripheral vascular problems made worse by diabetic conditions.

If you have a pretty serious wound, it shouldn't take more than 60-90 days, providing they're doing the right treatment. I'm not a clinical person or a doctor but that's what I've heard from people who know.

There are tons of wound centers in Atlanta. Most of them are awesome folks. Good luck with that wound.

Whitemist said...

That is one hell of an adventure and not a good one Grant! I sure hope you find a rational doctor. 180 would be considered high. When I was in the hospital for 6 weeks they took my blood sugar 3 times a day before meals and declared me diabetic. Of course, I was on steroids to reduce the swelling in my head and that elevates, yes, you guessed it, blood sugar levels. Every time it was over 140, they would shoot me with insulin. Now while there they took me off the pre-diabetes med my regular doctor had me on, which was doing fine controlling everything. long story short once I was off the steroids, my blood sugar went back to normal (below 90) and the nurses (yes, those wonderful angels who seem to know so much more than doctors) stopped taking my blood sugar before every meal. best of luck with everything and thanks for the picture!

Hit 40 said...

I know nothing to help you here. Good advice from your other bloggy friends.

I would agree with a new doctor if you can go to someone else. I hunted down a good one a few years ago who fixed my vertigo issues.

This doesn't sound like it is working? How long have you had the wound?

Captain Dumbass said...

Thanks for the medical advice and breasts.

Jay said...

There's something funny about tiny Asian girls with big boobies. They look out of proportion and I think 90% of their weight is above their waist. I wonder if they have balance problems with such leetol bittee feet when they're so top heavy?

I'm gonna get hate mail for that comment, aren't I?

GreenJello said...

I think you should fire your hospital and find a wound care center! Or come to Utah to get good health care...

Anonymous said...

Have you been sneaking around and visiting my doctors again?

Ricardo said...

“That’s the worst kind of misalignment – that means it’s locked in a groove.”

WTF kind of answer is that? You should have clocked him.

The overall level of stupidity with these docs is beyond belief. I think you'd be better going to a witch doctor.

SJ said...

We patients are all mere experimental studies.

Robin said...

This all scares me, I wish I had the strength to do more for my health. I keep trying though.

Grant said...

april - I asked, and he only knew of the one. I'm sure there's another place somewhere around Atlanta, but they said the hospital I liked didn't have one so I'm taking my chances with the other one. This time I'm forcing them to tell me what's going on, however.

anonymous - thank you.

whitemist - the hospital I don't like has their own standards for blood sugar levels. Over 125 is high (even immediately after eating) and you need to inject insulin immediately. Under 100 is low and you need to drink a soda or take a fructose tab.

hit 40 - it's been growing since I got sick and couldn't exercise, but it reached critical levels in about February. I've been treating it since April.

cda - there was medical advice?

jay - I agree, when they've been artificially enhanced and are out of proportion. That one, however, has hips to go with the breasts. I'll post another pic of her later.

greenjello - the wound care center is at the hospital. I'm keeping a close eye on them. As long as I make progress, I'll stick with them.

samtagious! - no, we have our own supply of rotten doctors.

ricardo - I'll have to see if my regular doctor can recommend a good Voodou practitioner.

sj - the least they can do is provide me with hot bunny nurses while they experiment on me.

robin - use the fear to do something before you get too sick.

tiff said...

Where'd the bunnay go?

Jeez, Grant - you need a hyperbaric chamber, and fast! All that wound care talk is icky.

Martini said...

I have encountered these exact asshole doctors in my quest for health in my feet! Wow. Before they discovered what I had (small fibre neuropathy) one specialist claimed I needed orthotics because my feet pronate (tilt outward). Another specialist said I needed orthotics because my feet suponate (tilt inward). How can I do both? That's right. I can't. Assholes!