Things Redux

Recently I did a meme about 10 Things I Wish I Could Say because I was bored and couldn’t think of anything else. Then I started thinking it might be more interesting to talk about the things I’ve heard. So, here it is. And because I don’t like long memes, I’m cutting it back from ten things to three. Then I’m doing three sections of three each, so technically it’s more like nine. Deal with it.

3 Things I’m Glad I Heard
1. “The hospital is going to write off your entire bill…” (see below)
2. “Yes, I will go to a movie and dinner with you tonight.”
3. “You’ll receive a medal for your actions during Dessert Storm.”

3 Things I Wish I Didn’t Hear
1. “…but you still have to pay all the individual departments and physicians, who will also bill the shit out of you.”
2. “Sorry that you’re standing on the sidewalk in front of the theater waiting for me, but I’ve really got to clean my apartment tonight.”
3. “A certificate showing your name and position is as good as a medal. What do you mean you’re in the infantry and not a typist? And that your name isn’t Harley?”

3 Things I Want to Hear
1. “It’s not an infection, you’re just developing super powers. By tomorrow you should be like the Hulk and Flash combined, plus Asian women will find you irresistible.”
2. “Even though you never buy tickets, you won the lottery this week. Through a legal loophole, that also puts you next in line as the emperor of Japan.”
3. “Why, yes, I am an eighteen year old Japanese schoolgirl who is addicted to anal sex. How did you know, handsome?”

I don’t do tagging, but either do this meme or you’re unmitigated scum.