Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Survival Update

For those of you feigning concern over my condition, I had a follow-up visit with the clinic today. Things are progressing slowly, but in the right direction. My daily insulin fix was upped, but my antibiotics were switched to a less sharty version with a smaller dosage. I'll shoot insulin into my eyes every hour before I up my antibiotics, so I approve of this change. This necessitated another trip to the local Target pharmacy, but I didn't mind because they are efficient, friendly, cost-conscious, diligent, and above all, two are hot Asian bunnies. Being the IT pro that I am, I hacked their security cameras and am posting two totally real pictures of the bunny pharmacists. One looks / sounds Chinese,

Pharmacist Bunny!

and the other sounds American born but is still as cute and tiny as can be.

Pharmacist Bunny!

The first time I bought drugs there, the ultra mega tiny hot bunny took care of me, but it was apparently the old bait and switch - after the first time, I had to settle for one of the other hotties on duty (seriously, everyone who works in their pharmacy is a young attractive woman). I should write a letter of complaint to the state pharmaceutical board, assuming such a thing exists. "Everyone in the Western Hemisphere (which includes Atlanta, GA) knows of my predilection towards tiny hot Asian women, and yet the local pharmacy insists on having friendly, knowledgeable, beautiful non-Asian women cater to my needs. I demand immediate action. Hard labor in prison would not be an unreasonably measured response." But I can at least watch the bunnies work and walk around (they do that a lot) while the others keep me alive.

Besides, it's not like I'm going to ask one of them out. "That's right, I need antibiotics AND insulin. There are two things in my body trying to kill me. Also, use generics whenever possible because I have no insurance. And now that I've proven myself to be a good provider and gotten you hot, let's go out. After I pay for this I may be able to afford Wendy's if you don't get too extravagant."

Although I could make some extra dough if Target accepts my new advertising campaign for their pharmacy. First, we have a 30 second commercial of Ebi-chan doing nothing related to whatever it is she's advertising today:

Followed by the tagline "Target Pharmacy - now with added bunny." Proper men will begin snorting sugar to get on the diabetic list.


Jay said...

Maybe you could make some extra money by starting a prescription pick up service for anyone who uses that Target pharmacy. You can go in and flirt with the ladies, and then deliver prescriptions to the old people and get paid.

Wait. Delivering to the old people would totally negate the good feelings you would get from seeing the bunnies. Never mind, it won't work.

Anyway, I drove through the Chinese place just down the road from me yesterday and when the sweetie working the drive through handed me my Crab Rangoon I thought of you. Maybe next time I'll get a picture for ya.

And oh yeah, glad they cut down on the antibiotics. Hope you get off those things permanently soon.

Hit 40 said...

Oh my heavens you have to go to Michele's... it is too funny.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Well, I could feign some more concern, but Grant, I really care!

I have no opinion about the bunny advertising. But I think Jay is onto something.

NYD said...

See. There is a silver lining to all your problems. Now if you can get one or both of the bunnies to rub the tarnish off of it then you'll be fit as a fiddle again.

Leesa said...

I laughed at the bunny quote, was going to share something j-bunny related, but then read Jay's comment and I was a tad disturbed.

Did you notice that Jay saw hot j-bunny, presumably became aroused, and then thought of Grant. Something is off here.

Oh, J-Bunny-related thought is back in my head. I was at the Jacksonville Zoo (nearest zoo to me is in FL, not GA), I saw a hot Asian couple - looked very European in their dress and both were so attractive. And then she speaks with a completely Georgia accent. My fantasy of sharing her with her husband completely vanished at that point. It was like watching a low-budget movie, shot in Asia, and then dubbed in the US by b-movie-type Atlanta talent.

SJ said...

Let's see now, you need bunnies who aren't materialistic and think diabetes is sweet (in a non-punny way)... hmmm there should be a way.

Gib said...

I'm totally concerned about your condition. I'm totally not using that as cover for checking out a blog that has pictures of hot Asian chicks.


Kerry said...

Love your sense of humor! HA

You should work in marketing. I'm sure you could come up with some real attention grabbers. haha

Captain Dumbass said...

Holy crap! Target pharmacists dress like that? We don't have Target here but I'm crossing the border next time I need a prescription. Wait, you live in the land of privatized health care...

Grant said...

jay - maybe the old people could e-mail me their orders, then I could get them filled via bunny and deliver them by flinging them out of the car window as I drive by.

hit 40 - she's not Asian.

eotr - bunny advertising will definitely work with me.

nyd - there's bound to be a knob-polishing joke in there someplace.

leesa - heavy Southern accents kill it for me, too. They belong as much as the funnel cake stands at the Asian festivals.

sj - With the hundreds of millions of bunnies in China, there has to be one suitable for me. I'd better begin sleeping with all of them right away.

gib - I totally believe you.

kerry - I'm usually the restraining order type of attention grabber.

cda - couldn't you have them bill you before you cross the border? Or maybe deliver? If the second one works, let me know and I'll pay extra to have the drugs and bunnies delivered.

GreenJello said...

So... is the bunny in the second photo wearing Target work approved clothes?

Glad they're slacking off the antibiotics. Nasty things, those. Not quite as nasty as dying from infections, but nasty nonetheless.

dr.alistair said...

so, your pharmacy has all the hot women working there. i knew it. ours is staffed by lumpy gorillas.

feigning concern....

Monogram Queen said...

Just sneaking by to check up on you, I mean, "feigning interest in you" :P

Grant said...

greenjello - it's the summer uniform.

mq - good job, ninja blogger.

tiff said...

shooting insulin into your eyes is HARDCORE, man.


Anonymous said...

You must be just about the meanest man on earth, my damn pharmacists all look like either Mrs Butterworth or damn Nurse Ratchet. If they ever give me antibiotics again--I swear I'll fucking use my Jedi mind power to set their underwear on fire, while they're wearing them.