Friday, September 12, 2008

Bunny Update

Some people get the feeling that I'm obsessed with Asian women to the point that I wouldn't consider dating anyone else. Nothing could be further from the truth. Just because they're much more beautiful and perfect and in every way superior to you feckin' round-eyed uptight Westerner thunder-thighs doesn't mean I still wouldn't do one of you, provided you ask nicely enough and cook for me (I prefer Japanese food) and clean out my car while I'm sleeping after we finish.

Actually, the truth is that I don't routinely encounter any single women other than Asians in my daily life. My work environment does not have a social element. The people in the cubicles next to me might as well be on Neptune for all the interaction we have. I've tried joining a book club, but I can only find online groups and feminists. The only organization I have joined is the local Japanese / American group, which has been a total disappointment. When I eat out, I generally pick Asian restaurants since I can cook most other things myself. That's why almost all of my romantic interests the last few years have been waitresses. That's also why I haven't asked many out. Unless they send me a clear signal that they're interested, I'm loathe to make them feel uncomfortable at their place of work and my place of eat. Note - by clear signal, I mean something like falling on the ground at my feet, ankles hoisted behind their ears, screaming for me to ravage them in one or more languages. Anything more subtle and I'm likely to miss it.

So, here is a summary of the last couple of years of my (lack of) love life:

えみ: possibly older than me (but who can tell with Japanese women), tiny, lightened her hair, beautiful eyes, some freckles, warm smile. I wondered if she was sending me signals, then I brought a friend (older, shorter, fatter, more married) and she immediately showed a preference for him. He liked to mimic her accent to her face, which she found endlessly charming. Then she got pregnant and dropped out of sight for awhile. The last time I saw her she said hello to him and then asked me if I needed a fork. I'm guessing this is not my true love.

かおる: a sushi chefette this time. She's plain looking but funny, sarcastic (a rare treat in a Japanese woman), and she had three distinct smiles - snarky, polite, and beautiful. I started chatting with her regularly, then one day she abruptly forgot how to speak English and only liked other Japanese. Nobody has been able to figure that one out. We all guess she must have been badly dumped by a white guy. Now she's moderately polite with we palefaces, but she pretends not to recognize me. *Bunnysigh*

Chinese liquor store owner: very tiny, much older but hot if you don't mind a few wrinkles and gray hairs (I don't). She sold her business and moved back to China before I learned her name.

Miss America: so nicknamed because her English was perfect despite being Japanese born, plus she was tall for Japanese. She was a psychology major in uni, but waitressed for a living. I had begun chatting with her, but she disappeared before that went anywhere.

さち: much older (her son is closer to my age), but totally hot. She showed poor judgment by getting married long before I came along. We're still friends, although she stays very busy and I only see her on special (usually Japanese-related) occasions.

めぐみ: tiny and cute, but she looked like a schoolgirl. Turns out she's 31 - yay! And married - boo! When I asked her out it just happened to be shortly after her wedding and she didn't yet have a ring. We're still friendly, but now she's several months pregnant and getting ready to quit and she doesn't like e-mail, so I think it's good-bye to her.

C-bunny: Chinese cashier who is very friendly with me, but I have yet to learn her name. She looks and dresses very plain, is older than me, has slightly protruding eyes, and is utterly charming. She held and stroked my hand once when she saw it was injured, but I don't know if that was just a normal friendly gesture or an invitation for Mr. Fleshrod to make an appearance. I only acknowledge those two extremes. I put chatting with her on hold due to my recovery. I don't think she'd be very impressed if we go out on a date and she has to carry me home. We'll see, by which I mean I expect another crash and burn / total disaster in keeping with my history.

Because I don't blog about Asian women often enough.


Avitable said...

I think you need to go the mail-order bride route.

Kira said...

Actually, mail order costs too much. I vote for tranquilizer gun and rope.

~Deb said...

Or he can just get one of his J or C gals that are in a desperate need of a visa. Not the 'card'. ;)

Anonymous said...

I love Sushi, and I cannot say no to a good green tea latte - the gorgeous little Japanese girl uptown who does mine always makes hearts in the foam for me and giggles and bats her eyelashes...

We share a Hello Kitty passion and she seems to like skinny pale Canadian girls as well... My darling hub doesn't mind her flirting but he's truly envious that she chose little cheeky me over towering manly him ;-)

Your tastes may seem limited to some hun but - the taste you have is very good, they're all beautiful!

I'm finally medicated if you couldn't tell, its been a wonderful day too!

Crys said...

so what i hear you saying is that you're coming onto me?

thought so.

SSC~ The Domestic Diva said...

round-eyed uptight Westerner thunder-thighs ~~~~ Yeah okay what a romantic!!!

Dick head!

But you know I love you, I laughed so hard at your post. Especially when you mention the waitress and subtle hints. You remind me of a cleaner version of Tom Leykis

SJ said...

When I was visiting Chicago I dined at a Japanese restaurant once. The waitress was the cutest thing on two legs I've seen. I totally get the spell they wield over you.

Grant said...

avi - I actually have a site bookmarked, but with the hospital bills I'm a little short on cash now.

kira - that costs too much too. I'm going with lead pipe and new locks on the walk-in closet.

~deb - I would love to take advantage of one that way, but I have yet to meet any that desperate.

jgrrl - if you and latte girl make out, be sure to post pics on your blog.

crys - that's why this blog was created. I knew you'd be by eventually.

ssc - thanks for your love. But you're not Japanese, so I'm giving you to Joe. :p

sj - you should have bagged her and taken her home with you.

Monogram Queen said...

"you feckin' round-eyed uptight Westerner thunder-thighs" Oh Grant - you silver tongued devil, you!

All I can say is don't give up .. and i'm so glad i'm not single!

Tracy Lynn said...

This explains so much.

metalmom said...

I want you now.

Grant said...

mq - you're one of the few who make marriage sound like it's not pure torture.

tracy - it's not my fault. The universe is against me.

metalmom - okay, but try to suck in those gaudy boobs.

Joe said...

Thanks for passing SSC back my way. I was wondering why she kept calling me Grant. Now I know.

Erm...isn't every occasion that you see さち Japanese-related by it's very nature?

tiff said...

You should date an Irish woman if all's you want is to get laid.

I should know. ;)

Otherwise, maybe some doped lychee would work on your behalf?

Grant said...

joe - さち is actually fourth generation American born, so she's more American than me.

tiff - unfortunately, dating an Irish woman wouldn't help me have sex with a Japanese woman. Lychee sounds expensive - I'll just stick with the lead pipe.