Sunday, August 03, 2008


Saturday I exhausted myself shopping. I planned to buy some teas - Mandarin Orange, Genmaicha, and Mango and discovered it's being reformulated, being discontinued, and they were out, respectively. I dropped off some Godiva chocolates at sensei's office, hoping the people she works with will actually pass them along, then I went home and took a nap for about fifteen hours.

Sunday I planned to visit my beloved Chinese bunny at the Chinese food place I buy Chinese food so I could finally ask her name, a critical step in my plans to eventually marry and / or have sex with her. People who know me know that I fear approaching women more than being in combat, so if you don't know me let me just say that I fear approaching women more than being in combat (copy and paste rulz!). Despite my ravings about Asian hotties, I don't really care that she's Chinese. I care that she's nice to me and doesn't wear a wedding ring and is currently alive (my big three, although I'm flexible on one and three). The last time I saw her she asked where I had been, and when I told her about the surgery she advised me to drink a lot of milk. I expected to be told to drink tea, but her idea sounds sound. So, on advice of my waitress, I've been drinking milk (in between cups of tea). Anyway, after over-sleeping I exhausted myself doing housework and once again missed my opportunity to see her.

Monday I plan to finally see Hellboy II after work, then I'll pick up dinner and hopefully see C-bunny, although I only know for certain that she works on Sunday. In anticipation of our meeting I am planning my opening gambit, by which I mean pick-up line. Which of the following do you think will work best?
  1. In the name of Lord Wysterion of Planet Horgafloff, surrender your name immediately or prepare for disintegration, pitiful Earth female.
  2. You know my name, but I don't know yours. What is it?
  3. Look out behind you! *thud*
  4. (your line here)
As always, any advice will be useful unless it is extremely stupid (I have that covered). Failure to get me bunnysex will bring the Voodou wrath of Zorzan upon you.


SJ said...

Your lines are better than anything I can think of.

~Deb said...

What does milk do? You didn't list the medicinal wonders of it my friend. I hear that Chinese people know most about medicinal remedies and Chinese medicine is supposed to be the best in the world and consistent instead of changed and altered and all that jazz. That's why they live to be 120.

Why are you afraid to approach women? Women sense that a mile away. Stop it. ;)

I laughed so hard when I saw, "I took a nap for 15 hours."

Miss ya! It's been hectic here but I wanted to at least read and comment so that you would have fan mail in your email box to brighten your day! haha!


Crys said...

the second one shows the most potential. maybe add, "wow, you look pretty tonight". that might border on creepy though. wait, yeah, it will. don't say that. GOD, WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME? i'm bad at this. i always freeze when guys approach me. OH I COULD TELL YOU STORIES.

Monogram Queen said...

Uh i'm going to be "vanilla" and go with Two!

tiff said...

#2, for sure. That's a line that would get me interested.

15-hour naps must be what you need right now. Even MORE than getting laid by a Chinese hottie. That's saying something!

Grant said...

sj - if that's true, you're probably as single as me.

~deb - If I approach a woman and talk to her, she might hurt my feelings. Then I'll have to make the news again.

crys - should I ask Moose what he recommends? "Woof, baby."

mq - I have vanilla covered and my target is butterscotch. Can you do mayo?

tiff - you wouldn't prefer "Say, didn't I see your right breast at the water park?"

Melinda said...

Yes, I have a good line and it should lead into some other discussion rather than a smack in the face.
Try... Do you work here on other days than Sunday? (insert girlie giggle from her and she dishes the information.)
Then perhaps you could say... Oh that is great. I look forward to seeing you when I come here. (make eye contact not breast contact, and don't lick your lips)
She giggles and says that is very nice of you to say so.
So then you open up the conversation and say that you have been drinking milk as recommended by her and it seems to just make you sleepy but you are feeling a bit better.
Tell her thank you for the idea because you wouldn't have thought of it on your own.
She giggles a bit more. are on your mate. Delay the dirty talk for way later. Try to be interested in everything she says.
Cheers: The Love Doctor

Joe said...

I was all set to help, but who needs the threat of wrath hanging over one's head.

You can always do with I did with SSC. Stare at her from across the room until you work up the courage to talk to her, then keep getting her drinks in the hopes that they'll cloud her judgment and she'll allow you to keep speaking with her.

messiah said...

I'm going to assume that they don't print the waitress/waiter name on your bill, or make them wear nametags.....

Keep it simple. Make it sincere. Be polite.

Maybe just apologize that in all the time you've been eating there, you've never gotten/can't remember her name.

I think Melinda has it down.... thank her for the advice with the milk, tell her it seems to be helping... use that as a lead in.

That being said, don't listen to my advice. Approaching women scares the crap out of me. I'm the guy that starts drooling and can barely get out "uh... uhh.. mmmmmm....." even though I'm normally smart, witty, and humble ;)

Grant said...

melinda - eye contact may not be advised due to my patented Creepy Vibe™, but I'll give it a shot. It may not be until this Sunday that I return.

joe - they serve no alcohol there, so I'll have to befuddle her with oolong tea.

messiah - if she had a nametag, it would probably read something like 湯子. Maybe I should just offer her money.