Thursday, August 28, 2008

Bat Review

I rewatched The Dark Knight last night, which actually lives up to all the hype, but I won’t bore you with my review. Instead I’ll comment on the movie Bats, which is a low-rated horror flick about killer manatees. I’m kidding – it’s the story of genetically engineered rotten bats who infect other bats and make them kill people and are super smart and stuff. When asked why they were created, a character exclaimed “I’m a scientist – that’s what we do!” Create a race of giant evil superbats? I regret my career choice.

Anyway, the movie is stupid and nonsensical and pointlessly violent and has bad dialog delivered by actors who seem to be mentally reviewing their grocery lists, all of which I mean as a compliment. If you can relax and enjoy the badness, this movie is for you. It only has two failings. The first is that they should have gone further over the top. Sure, every time the bats raided the town they grew smarter until they seemed more intuitive about human behavior than clinically trained psychiatrists with telepathy, but they could have done more. How about having the bats evolve to the point of developing their own form of martial arts? “OMFG – they’ve developed Bat-Fu!” Further scenes / sequels can be created by continuing to evolve the bats. Repeat until ticket price is justified. “Now they’re packing Uzis and chainsaws!”

The second blunder is a lack of naked Japanese women or musical numbers. That’s a serious artistic digression. End result – I give it 3 out of 5 bats.

Today’s post is brought to you by the letter Satan.

9 comments:

Crys said...

that reminds me of this movie. you should watch it drinking whiskey. in fact, that's the only way to watch it: drunk on whiskey.

jGrrl said...

See, thats where the fun of fan fiction enters... Have you read some of the insane tales that the fan threads have "added" to their favourite movies? Just look at some of the Star Trek tales! HAHAHA!

Batman is my favourite hero ever but I've been afraid to see this film because I only like one or two of the actors and I'm terrified that the sheer irritation of seeing the people I don't like may be of detriment to the real idea of the story...

This though, described as so deliciously pop campy cheese - it now sounds almost worth viewing...

P.S you should write fan fiction, I bet you'd kick a metric f**kton of @$$

tiff said...

Holy Shit. Skeeter is the name of my DOG.

I just knew there was something wrong with her!

SJ said...

But... but ...evolution is a myth. Bats were just created that way.

Bat-fu could be a good martial art more so since it sounds like bat-poo.

Monogram Queen said...

Leave it to you to take diabolical twist on Sesame Street!

Crys said...

why don't you ever comment back to ppl who love you? why so much hate?

Grant said...

crys - still sounds better than Carnosaur or Dinocroc.

jgrrl - I've heard of some ST tales of gay porn (Worf and Wesley are a common pairing), but I haven't read any.

tiff - my former dog was fond of blood. Vampire puppies!

sj - our high priest Jebus W. Bush also doesn't believe in evolution, so it must not be true.

mq - Bert is evil.

crys - I always comment back (eventually). You're just ignoring me.

Crys said...

when i ignore (or hit), that's how you know i love

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

The very first dog I ever had was named Skeeter.

She was cuter than the one on the cover of that DVD box though...plus she played a mean game of fetch.