Friday, August 08, 2008

888 is the new 666

On this most unholy of days (08/08/08), my illness has firmly moved into a new phase which I call the "I know I'm gettin' better because it hurts so much" bit. I'm past having to sleep fifteen hours a day, but my bones and muscles ache constantly due to months of inactivity. I haven't worked a full 40 hour week since May 9, not that sitting in a cubicle requires much activity, but I barely have the energy to manage that. I have found two things that bring relief, other than the brief moments I can stay unconscious.

1) Exercise. This relieves some of the pain for a short while, although it forces me to use my atrophied muscles to expend the little energy I have. I won't tell you how many pushups I can do, but if you can't count them all on your fingers then you took too many shop classes (and, yes, I am doing them girly-style). I can walk a whole quarter of a mile now as long as I don't put the treadmill on an incline. Starting next week I plan to start using the stairs instead of the elevator again in the hopes that one day I will become so rugged and manly that I can stand without wincing. Go me! Ultra-mega-studmuffin.

2) Booze. I'm not big on wine and beer messed with my stomach while I was on antibiotics, so Wednesday night I did shots of Ancient Age with Diet Dr. Pepper chasers (I'm still watching the sugars while I heal). Problem solved! All the pain went away, I felt better than I had since getting sick, and I slept through the night without interruption. And then I woke up. Problem unsolved! All the pain returned and it brought a massive hangover along for fun. Since getting ill I've neglected my exercise, Japanese studies, and boozing. I could cope with the alcohol in my system if I did it more, but this occasional drinking bites.

So, I have to choose - become a gym rat or a raging alcoholic? Can I do both? Does anybody know a buff drunk? Would my Chinese honeybunny prefer me sweaty or swilled (I'll smell either way)?


Enemy of the Republic said...

Go for buff.

Monogram Queen said...

I'm going to buy a lottery ticket today my numerology number is... hold on now - 8!

Um I say alcoholic but i'm a fat lazy bitch so that's no surprise!

tiff said...

you can do both. Really!

Work out until 8, then commence to drankin'! It's a good way to keep your body surprised, which bodies tend to like a lot.

Crys said...

speaking for all women with supreme confidence, your bunny will prefer you buffed.

but jesus, Grant, take it easy. it's not been that long since you left the hospital. two or three weeks after i got out i could barely walk down the hall with my physical therapist. it takes time, honey.

Gib said...

Keep in mind that when you and she are together, you will do things as a couple - to wit: excercise or drink.

So, how would you prefer her? Buff and able to kick your ass, or drunk?

Kira said...

I vote for alcoholism. If you keep drinking, you'll never feel the hangover, either.

metalmom said...

Dude! Smoke!!

Opiates help the pain, let you sleep and keep the nausea away.

Then you won't care if you can't climb the stairs or get off the couch.

You're welcome. I'm here to help!

SJ said...

Yes there are guys who can do both. There these tough types who can drink barrels and also lift the barrels.

Joe said...

Why the rush? Just try to ease back into whatever you do. No sense getting ill again from overexertion.

As for the buff vs. drunk debate, the buff thing will give you the confidence you need to talk to her, but being drunk would give you the courage. Why settle for just one?

Grant said...

enemy - right now I'm just trying to do stairs without clinging to the rail.

mq - if you win, half is mine for the inspiration. :p

tiff - can't I just surprise my body by jumping out of the closet and screaming?

crys - hopefully she has no confidence. I'm praying for desperate and self-destructive so she'll date me.

gib - I prefer her in a semi-conscious daze, so booze it is.

kira - I need my I/V pump back so I can keep the booze drip going in my sleep.

metalmom - plus it's a traditional Chinese pasttime, so she's bound to love me even more!

sj - I can drink and lift cans - does that count?

joe - that will be my next approach - totally drunk. Because vomiting is sexy.