Monday, May 12, 2008

Post 999

Which will read like post 666 if you do it standing on your head.

Thank you all for the lovely suggestions. As promised, I am ignoring them completely. Instead I think I’ll blog my itinerary for this week. I believe the gods of irony are in ascension– see of you can spot their influence in any of the following:

月曜日: private 日本語 lesson, followed immediately by group lesson. Possible dinner at Chinese restaurant with Chinese waitress who might be sending me signals of interest, or who is possibly just being nice and I’ll make her seriously uncomfortable with me if I ask her out. I have all the dating instincts of the average serial killer, so if a woman isn’t holding her ankles behind her ears and screaming for me to ravage her I generally have no clue how to proceed, if at all. Don’t forget my Creepy Vibe™ - people and animals don’t always react to me as they do you ordinary humans.

火曜日: my monthly dinner with the local Japanese/American group. I’ll be dining at すしよこ with a lot of Japanese who, if they react like in the past, will work very hard to avoid interacting with any non-Japanese who show.

水曜日: time to finally see Iron Man in the theatres in celebration of the fact that I will still be 38.

木曜日: 私の誕生日です。In celebration, I will be spending it completely alone (natch) cleaning my apartment. This I do in preparation of the weekend when I will have friends visiting and can actually do something fun for a change.

金曜日と土曜日: in belated celebration, two friends from out of town and my 日本語の先生 will be dining at two restaurants (AFM and MFS), both fancy and expensive and featuring cuisines that don’t really appeal to me. I’m paying. 先生 is undergoing a bitter divorce* and will not be accompanied this time by her soon to be ex-husband, so for once it will appear I have an actual date and am not the odd wheel. I’m going to enjoy that for all it’s worth.

And that’s it. Tune in Thursday for my 1,000th (and 39th birthday) post, which in honor of the auspicious occasion I promise will be incredibly lame. You think I’m kidding.

* Everything is in her ex’s name – she has to borrow her own car from him until she can afford a new one.


Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

So you'll be hitting the eternal 39 on Thursday, huh? Congrats.

I need to get on the ball...I'm 39 already and if I don't get that goat sacrificed by June 30th of this year, I'll be turning 40 in December (at least that's the deal the devil made with me a few weeks back).

Keep your fingers crossed for me. ;)

Leesa said...

I am looking forward to my 39th birthday - for years to come. And I will have my 1,000th post in, maybe two years.

Avitable said...

Dude, you're fucking old.

Tai said...

Evil doesn't have an age. You must remember that.

Kira said...

Man, those stupid friends of yours are so fucking lucky to get all that good food with you paying! You totally rock.

グラント said...

pq - 40 is only old if you're a woman. :p

leesa - just post a bunch of pictures of hot J-bunnies and you'll reach #1,000 soon.

avitable - you're only as old as you feel, so just call me Mum-ra.

tai - I'm declaring this the age of evil until I get hit by a meteor and die.

kira - little do they know that I have roofies and will do them anally after they pass out.

Monogram Queen said...

Have a great time, the japanese/american thing where the japanese avoid the americans always kills me!
I thought it was "29 and holding". heh heh....

Gib said...

You're only as old as you feel - so if you grope a teenager, you'll feel young again.

*obligatory legal disclaimer - groping a teenager may be, and probably is, illegal in your jurisdiction. Please consult local authorities prior to groping a teenager in your area. If you are in fact old, and maybe not in as good a shape as you used to me, groping a teenager may get your ass kicked. Author of this comment assumes no responsibility for any consequences that may result from your groping a teenager - if you get arrested or beaten up, you're on your own.

metalmom said...

39? Dirt in my yard is younger than that!

I heard bunnies won't fuck anyone 40 or older. Get a move on!!

Joe said...

So how often does that holding her ankles thing happen anyway?

グラント said...

patti - the Japanese outdid themselves this time - total shutout.

gib - I'm sure they'll forgive and forget once I tell them I'm doing it on advice from my lawyer.

metalmom - that's very true - the young ones in Japan often think of 40 as the big cutoff. I'll have to rely on my gaijin charm.

joe - not as often as the porn industry led me to believe. I'm beginning to think adult videos are not reality-based.