Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Battle Plans, Phase Ichi

Note – forgive me for using this faux military terminology, but I think the concept of approaching a woman for a date will be easier if I express it in terms comfortable to me, such as treating it like an act of extreme violence.

Objective: Score a date with my current crush, Emi-san – Nihon no chiisai usagi and waitress supreme. She would probably be the head waitress if Umezono had that formal position. All waitresses work the entire floor, although she is the one to whom they defer and call for support when they have a surly customer, or a dumb redneck who didn’t realize sukiyaki is cooked by the customer.

Phase 1: establish rapport. By the end of phase 1, the invading force (me) will have secured the target’s name. Yeah, I already know what it is. But I need to ask her name, and possibly how she’s doing in Japanese before proceeding to Phase II.

Difficulties: target is fast moving and doesn’t linger. Target is surrounded by actual Japanese-speaking Japanese people, who will notice any attempts by a haku-jin to speak their language. Also, aggressor is a know pussy when it comes to initiating contact.

Battle plan: cull Emi-san from the herd and ask her name. After careful examination of the target’s movements, the best chance for success will be to take a late lunch and pay my check at the register. Emi-san frequently operates the register, so there is an above average chance that I can get her alone for a few, fleeting moments. At that time, I will strike. By which I mean, say “O-namae wa nan desu ka?”

Note 1: Emi-san is no longer working lunch. The target is onto my scheme. Now, I will need to eat dinner early and try to separate her from the others before the rush strikes. In the meantime, I will use my lunches to get to know Yamada-san’s daughter better, both because I like her and she seems to be Emi-san’s closest friend.

Note 2: Yamada-san’s daughter was also absent at lunch today. Curses – foiled again. Japanese women exist to vex me.

Hardcore, out


Tony said...

Hardcore this is pondog, prepare to copy,

Be advised that your 1200 OP may be observed as a flanking movement on objective Yamada-san’s daughter. Advance with extreme caution. Apparently counter-intelligence is aware of your intent and my view your own intel operations as a sign of advancement.

You’re current FEBA located at the register provides a limited avenue of approach and little cover and concealment. You’re window of opportunity is limited in this area of engagement. It may pay to investigate other avenues of approach.

Your current ‘divide-and-conquer” strategy will be put to the test since communication within the OPFOR is strongly encrypted and evasive/defensive maneuvers against such an aggressor as yourself are well indoctrinated.

Proceed with caution.

Out here.

patti_cake said...

Don't give up, Grant! Don't!

doc-t said...

Clearly this is not a one man war. You need someone to create distractions for you, sort of run interference. Two people would be best.

I volunteer my services. Ensign doc-T reporting for service SIR!

Seven said...

That's a lot of danged strategery as Bush would say.
Watch out for surveillance cameras. Most restaurants have them. Maybe snip the chords to them covertly.

Tracy Lynn said...

If I needed any more proof that you A)think too much and B) aren't stellar at it, this is it.

Be friendly and personable with all the staff, and slightly more so with Emi-san. It's ok to seem a bit awkward with her, as everyone will easily realise why.

You should also resign yourself to the fact that there is no way in hell that you will manage this without looking at least kind of like a doofus. Upside: some chicks find that appealing and she will give you points for making the attempt with a language and culture you admire but obviously do not master.

I have done all I can for you, padawan. May the Force, or at least some sort of force, be with you.

Kira said...

Ok, but I bought this tranquilizer gun just in you need me for the plan?

Tai said...

I had an unhelpful thought, but I won't share it.

Good luck, Grant!

Toad734 said...

Divide and conquer.

mal said...

Ok...color me dumb,,,everytime I have ordered Sukiyaki it has come cooked...

BTW,,,,,I approach some things as an engineering design usually fails though.......

SJ said...

Ohhhh!!! ***biting finger nails*** Watching your progress with bated breath... best of luck mate.

PBS said...

She's playing hard to get!

Angie said...

Would it be possible to glean information from the sushi chef's daughter? Use her as a pawn in this op?

It kind of sounds like you still find the sushi chef's daughter attractive....decide which front you're fighting this battle on. Otherwise, they'll attack from both sides and you'll be dead in the water.

Doug Murata said...

Good luck, man! Have you been watching lots of shojo anime or reading shojo manga? You want to appear "cute" and "adorable" in your attempts to be serious. If cartoons have taught me anything, it's that the J-girls eat that up!

Leesa said...

You know, this is scary. I had no idea men thought so much about "the approach." It really has opened my eyes.

Grant said...

tony - I always proceed with caution - probably part of my problem.

patti_cake - don't worry, I won't. At least not yet.

doc-t - you and Angie and Kira can gang up for that one.

7 - the surveillance cameras should be nullified by the EMP after the detonation.

tracy - brute force is with me, and I think I'll use it to score a date instead of all that "friendly and personable" crud, thank you.

kira - yes, you can handle crowd control with one of your "No speeding ticket" shirts.

tai - no fair. Share, share.

toad - but if I cleave her in two, won't she be upset?

mal - the menu said cooked at our table (it is traditionally done that way in Japan), although it didn't say I would be doing the cooking.

sj - thanks. I'm beginning tonight.

pbs - she doesn't have to - I already make it too hard as is.

angie - yes, I still like the sushi-chefette, although I want her more for a friend. I may eventually approach her if things with Emi-san don't work out.

doug - this is more of a 40-ish J-woman, so I hope she's over the cutesy phase. If not, I'll know how to handle it.

leesa - I suppose there are some who give it no thought, but most of us who care about the person we are approaching are very cautious because we don't want to blow a good thing in the opening stages.

messiah said...

behind and catching up (as usual)...

but at least you'll be well fed during your battle.

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