Monday, August 07, 2006

Lost in Translation

For those of you too lazy and / or stupid to look up the phrases in Saturday's post, here is the translation:

1) Sumimasen, watashi wa bakana Amerika-jin desu.
Excuse me, I am a stupid American.

2) Isshou ni sekusu o shimashou.
Let's have sex. Note - in this form, you are not asking permission but assuming it has already been granted.

3) Watashi o warawanai de kudasai.
Please don't laugh at me.

Japan has been incorporating more English (Americanized English) into their language, so I think it's only fair we do the same to them in reverse. The next time you see a Japanese tourist and he or she asks you to take a picture, look them straight in the slanty eye and say "Watashi ga wakarimasen."

For everyone who doesn't happen to be Ayako-san, that means "I don't understand." If you are lucky enough to be Ayako-san, please refer to #2 above. And, I suspect, immediately refer to #3 as well.


poody said...

You so funny. I think I told you I once worked at a Japanese hospital in Honolulu and we had to take a course in Japanese for communicating with our pts. I love the culture too.I have some antique kimonos I bought at a swap meet. They are beautiful. Bento means take out.See I told you I spoke Japanese. I love the characters in writing and no I do not know how to do that.

Kira said...

I will memorize #2. That way, I will make friends in Japan. At least, a woman could probably make lots of friends using that one. A guy will probably get smacked.

Tai said...

Why salt on watermelon?
How does it affect the flavor?
How do you say Grant in J-speak?
Why are you assuming sex has been 'granted'?

(Like that last one...pretty funny, eh?)

SJ said...

Go "sekusu" yourself.

Ayako said...

Can't. To both #2 & #3. Teeheehee. =P

*Sniggers some more*

PBS said...

Those are some useful phrases, especially #2 and #3.

The Stiltwalker said...

the only thing I know how to say in japanese is sapporo.

~Deb said...

I have one word for you: toppyoushimonai...

All that Japanese shokumotsu you eat has tore up your chinou.

I think you need to see a hakushi... meireiikka!!!!!!!!


patti_cake said...

What deb said..... LOL

Kerry said...

um, can you post some audio files of you saying all that?

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Oh I already know I'd be using #3 a lot. ;)

Grant said...

poody - わたしが わかります。

kira - I think I can avoid any smackage if I emply #3 quickly. I'll try #2 at Umezono sometime.

tai - try the salt on watermelon - I think the flavor is completely different, and much better. I said assuming because the verb form was "let's" instead of "shall we" or "can we". And according to Ayako-san, Grant is best pronounced as ガイジンノヤツ.

sj - just finished. I was picturing you at the time. Bend over, boy. :p

ayako - okay, if I allow #3, can we proceed with #2? Remember #1 - subtle discouragement doesn't work on my kind. :p

pbs - #2 should get you whatever you need.

stiltwalker - add Asahi to your vocabulary, and now it is doubled.

~deb - I suspect someone of using an online translator, which never works when converting Western to Eastern languages, or vice-versa. One of the many possible translations for what you said is:
I have one word for you: Exorbitant...
All that Japanese foodstuff you eat has tore up your intelligence.
I think you need to see a PhD...directive 1!!!!!!!!

patti_cake - please see above.

kerry - I don't have an audio input for my computer, but I've been thinking about getting one.

pq - you'll get better results with #2.

annush said...

If I were going to learn any of those phrases I'd memorize #2... too bad i am not all that enthusiastic about people who can't speak languages I can already speak :)

Cocaine Jesus said...

obviously the only one that i am interested in is number two but then again i am quite used to getting my face slapped.

doc-t said...

number 1 should come in handy...

number 2 would probably get me arrested.

number 3... well, i'm used to people laughing at me

~Deb said...

Haha!!! Well that was rude of me, wasn't it? I gotta stop using those damn translators!

"...foodstuff you eat has tore up your intelligence."

Yeah, there's intelligence at its finest, huh?


~Deb said...

P.S. I meant for that translator to say, "All that sushi is eating up at your brain..." ;)

Liz said...

The order presented makes perfect sence.

Leesa said...

Everytime I try and translate using those free translational sites, I get weird results.

For instance, #3 was, "Don't laugh at Grant."

hellbunny said...

I've just through your posts for the last few days.I think i'd be locked up in prison by now if i took all my blogger comments and acted on them.The only thing i can say is that i find you regret more the things you didn't do .I you at least ask the woman out if that is what you really want to do.Then all she can say is yes or no.Better than spending eternity wondering what she might say.

AVA said...

You are too funny!, tell us how it works out when you do say it to the first japanese tourist you run into.

mal said...

as regards #2? In sales it is referred to as the "assumptive" close

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