Sometimes you get the bear...

...and sometimes it’s a security guard from the university. You may have heard this story as I’ve mentioned it in some of your comments, but so the rest of you can share in my wisdom (and so I don’t have to write an intelligent post) I’m now going to relate the story of my friend the security guard, a bear, and the local media in Birmingham. If you’ve already read it – suck it up and read it again, you pussy.

I had long labored under the popular assumption that the United States has one of the least restricted presses in the world (if not the most free) but I’m beginning to believe that is more American arrogance. We did have much less government interference a few years ago, but incidents under the current administration have conspired to drop us from 17th to 44th place worldwide. That’s right – Bosnia, Japan, Korea, and Hong Kong are all ahead of us now, although we’re maintaining a slim lead over Bolivia and Uruguay. That’s too bad, because the American media already has problems unrelated to the federales. I think the biggest problem with the American press is that they’re not America’s truth hounds as they would have us believe. Their primary goal is to make money, which means they need high ratings, which means sometimes the unvarnished truth just isn’t enough to get the job done. To quote Jane’s Addiction, “the news is just another show with sex and violence.” (guitar riff)

I once temped at a local CBS affiliate in Birmingham. A lot of conservatives wouldn’t watch their news because they viewed them as rabble-rousers, but I respected them above the others because they had the grit to report abuses of power by local politicians and the tenacity to follow up unlike the other stations which had the attention span of a newborn puppy. I worked in the sales office which I quickly discovered outranked the news room. When a local company with a big advertising budget sponsored Prom Promise (some kind of thing to get the drunken kids home safely on prom night, which was nice), they called their sales rep and asked that the station mention it in their nightly news for some free publicity. The sales rep called the news room and simply ordered them to include the story in that night’s broadcast – not a request, just a simple command: “Do a story about” (nameofcompany). Likewise, a story about a student abused by a local community college came to the attention of the sales team, but the college also advertised with them so they had that bit of truth axed. Mind you, I saw these two incidents while I was filling in for the regular secretary who was out less than a week.

Some years later, a sick bear (authorities assumed it was sick due to its odd behavior) wandered into town; several sightings were reported on the East side. It was eventually trapped in a fenced-off pipe yard by animal control, the police, and my friend who was guarding the yard. After the bear had been tranqued and taken away, the reporters interviewed my friend. When asked, he told them he was a security guard working for a private company. The reporter for either ABC or NBC asked “Oh, can we say you’re from the university? It would sound better.” The CBS reporter rolled his eyes and said “So much for realism”, but my friend laughed and said he didn’t care. Later that night while watching the CBS news, my friend noticed they too altered it to say he was from the state University (a source of serious cash). Like he said, if they’re willing to lie about little details like that, there’s no telling what they’ll do with a major issue.

Which brings me to today’s questions about the immigration boycott on Monday. The American press started to do their usual thing which was to blow it out of all proportion in order to turn it into a more important (and better selling) story, but by Tuesday they became strangely quiet and moved on to other news. I didn’t think the boycott would work since they never do and, if there’s any effect, it’s generally the opposite of what was intended (endangering your job and hurting your education isn’t the way to further a cause, people), but I wonder if they made any impact at all. Despite the reports of protests and businesses shut down in the news, what I saw was – nothing. Every place was open and running at full capacity, none of our immigrants even called in sick, and the morning and afternoon commutes felt the same. My questions for all of you are: What effect did you see? And what did your local media tell you?

If you’re wondering, I don’t support making it a felony to be in this country illegally, although I do support immigration reform (especially requiring immigrants to learn our language and culture) and not letting just everybody in here. I don’t like the idea of stuffing our already overcrowded prisons with more people we have to feed and clothe using the public’s tax dollar. Our government would do better to require all immigrants to become legal and also to fine the crap out of organizations that make money from extorting them. Personally, I think it’s great that this is such a wonderful place that people risk their lives and jail to get in here. Take that, most of the rest of the world. =)