Thursday, May 04, 2006

In Honor of National Prayer Day

Dear Lord: protect me from your followers. Amen (read: take that).

I don't know who originally said that, but I read it in a Tim Dorsey novel. Funny guy - think Dave Barry with a serious edge.

19 comments:

keda said...

heeheeeheeehheee!

messiah said...

bwahahahahahahaha

after ~deb's latest post, i must say i love it.

Doug Murata said...

I've seen that on bumper stickers! Hilarious!

I'm pretty cool with most of the "followers" I've met. I've had friends who've invited me to pray with them and when I declined they just went on their way and bore me no ill will. I've had other friends who are very adamant about their faith, but believe that I can only "save" myself. Given that, it's pointless for them to try and push religion on me. The few people who've railed on me for not believing in their god are the ones I just don't associate with. (They still piss me off, though!)

I pray for the end of the zealots.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

There's zealots of all kinds out there. I just try not to draw their attention and sit back and watch their antics. (Preferably while imbibing some form of alcohol or another. It's ever so much more amusing that way.)

;)

Grant said...

keda - thanks.

messiah - Dani is the poster child for that prayer.

doug - I'm a little conflicted because I hate hypocrites more than anything else, but I'm fine with xtians who don't try to convert me. However, there is a passage in the new testament (I can look it up if you want, but I won't now) that instructs all xtians to go out and spread the word, which kind of makes the xtians I like a bunch of hypocrites, which I hate. Religion is a problem.

pq - as long as they're not crashing planes into buildings or shooting abortion clinic doctors, I like to laugh at them too. When they start to act on their beliefs, I pray they get caught in the gears of a combine.

Doug Murata said...

Are they supposed to try and convert you or just spread the word? Assume that I'm Christian (I don't really know what I am, but bear with me,) and I tell you that Jesus was the son of God and he died for our sins so that we might live forever in paradise. Now that I've done that, I've spread the word. It's up to you to use that information as you see fit. If you convert, great! If not, oh well, you'll just burn in eternal Hellfire. (I don't believe that such a powerful God would create creatures with free will and punish them for not believing in Him when the very universe He created provides enough doubt to suggest that He doesn't exist. That sounds pretty petty for an omnipotent being.) There's no point in mincing words once everything's been said. If your friends already know that you know about what the Bible says Christ has done for you, there's no point in them telling you, because it isn't spreading anything. It's more like slamming a hammer into a nail that's already been driven into a plank.

That said, I make the claim that your Christian friends are not hypocrites.

SJ said...

Good one! I will prya for the same thing...

PBS said...

I've seen that as a bumper sticker, too.
Paraphrased: Dear Lord: Please lead your followers "home." A-gain.

Nah, I like the original better but just had to try to rewrite.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Funny! I'll have to check out the author you mentioned, since I adore Barry!

patti_cake said...

Protect everyone from the Fred Phelps Nuts!

Ayako said...

Grant said...

"Is there really such a thing as Children's Day? In America we have Mother's Day and Father's Day, but when we ask why there is no Children's Day, our parents always respond with "Why, every day is Children's Day."

I hate that answer. Those old fogies are going to spend their twilight years alone in a nursing home slurping back lime Jell-o (unless I can find a flavor worse than lime)."

There is in Japan. The 5th of May in Japan is called "Tango no Sekku" and it's a special day for families to celebrate their boys and pray for their health and happiness. It's characterised by those Koi flags/windsocks that I posted on my blog and each fish represents a generation of the family. The highest are grandparents, then parents, then tne boy. I called it "Children's day" because "Boy's day" just sounds wrong =D And before anyone cries "sexist!" there is a girl's day. It's celebrated on the 3rd of March and is called "Hinamatsuri" or "Momo no Sekku". In English it's referred to as "Girl's day" or "Dolls Festival".

China also has a Children's Day, and it's a real national holiday (although there's really no holiday). It's on the 1st of June. =)

The Stiltwalker said...

FYI May is Old People Month so be nice!!!

Just Some Gal said...

LOL, someone has that on a bumpersticker at work.

Grant said...

doug - I think that debating the semantics of the bible is both very American and Christian, so as a Japanese heathen I won't go for it. My basic stance is I hate hypocrites and I like some xtians like ~Deb, therefore to complete my syllogism, ~Deb and the others are not hypocrites. Besides, I learned from another devout xtian that the passage I mentioned isn't even in every translation of the bible, although it is in the King James version, the one written in Jesus' original English. :p

sj - and don't forget the killings. :p

saur kraut - he's more of a high-testosterone guy type of writer, but you may like him if you're looking for humor and action and don't mind a lack of romance or deep discussion of the characters' feelings.

patti_cake - we should protest with signs reading "God hates you, Fred."

ayako - thanks. Once again, we Japanese outdid you dumb redneck Americans.

stiltwalker - May is also my birth month wherein I take another step closer to joining the senior citizens.

blondie - if you have to have a bumper sticker, it's better than what I saw on one soldier's car: "What is a fart but the lonely cry of an imprisoned turd?" Of course, he had that on his dashboard in front of the passenger seat.

SJ said...

Vote on this post. It has the words Japan and Japanese in it :)

http://jsridhar.blogspot.com/2006/05/japan-here-i-come-not.html

~Deb said...

Awe Grant, it's so nice to see you praying. I'm so touched by this! hehe... I do want to check out the author you mentioned too---I believe I heard of him through Saur a while back in her posts.

Enemy of the Republic said...

You would be fun to talk to about this subject. I consider myself a Christian who is a renegade because so many other Christians still think I am so steeped in sin. I guess I embrace the forbidden too much. I also loathe the uptight, in my face religious instructor who lets me know how far I have fallen short of the glory of God. Then they tell me that it is out of Christian love. So I understand your resentment; I too share it. But there are some fine honest Christians out there who really are trying to walk the walk. You know them by their fruit. The zealots, as Doug calls them, are often afraid of their doubts or they just think they are better than you, which they aren't.

I love reading your blog, by the way; you are one of the most honest people I've come across in blogsphere.

poody said...

Really ironic that they can find only one day out of the year to pray...I am Taoist which is actually not a religion but more a philosophy. I am agaist religion on the whole seems to dangerous, Too much faith and people tend to close their minds to other options. Scary!!And very over rated.

Anonymous said...

Amen