Sometimes I wonder if it’s my imagination when I think women sense my inherent evilness and react the way they do, and then I have a morning like today’s which confirms things. Sensei-usagi laughed and joked while conversing with everyone else, and then turned deadly serious when she got to me. She actually flinched a couple of times while I spoke. Maybe I shouldn’t have worn the black t-shirt with the death’s head skull and “Drop Dead” written across it. No, I’m not kidding.
Still, she’s so cute and tiny I can’t bring myself to hate her properly. How’s that for pathetic? Part of me still wants to eviscerate her, but not out of spite. I just think she would leave an adorable little corpse.
Last night I watched Female Yakuza Tale: Inquisition and Torture. It’s basically perfect. Any movie where the heroine gets naked and kills a lot of people DURING THE OPENING CREDITS is okay by me, and it just got better after that. The plot involves loads of J-usagi getting naked and graphically killing people, plus they speak some words now and then but those are just to fill the gaps. Directing that movie must have been easy. “Get naked. Okay, now kill people.” Actual dialog:
Big Tiger (spoken to Ochou, the heroine): Get naked!
Joji (spoken to a room full of gore-spattered naked Asian women): Your pussies are going to catch cold.
When I heard that, I said to myself “Oh, please let that be the closing line” AND IT WAS. A line like that can’t be topped. It really puts that whole “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship” crap into perspective. I thought about giving it five out of five stars on NetFlix, but I didn’t want to give it the same rating I do for high art like Schindler’s List or Fight Club. Then I rethought matters and decided it was better than high art – it was loads of fun. So I give it five stars.
I later discovered it was a sequel to the movie Sex and Fury which I added to my queue. Looks like I’ve got a theme for my next movie night: Asian Bunnies who Get Naked and Carve People into Sushi. Since they’re foreign films, this counts as culture so I can still call all my friends and coworkers a bunch of dumb rednecks.