Saturday, December 24, 2005

Letter Home

The saga with my mother unfortunately continues to continue. I said goodbye to her in October and hoped it would be the end. After a couple of weeks with no contact I relaxed and thought it was over. That ushered in a new period of creativity for me, allowing me to complete the NaNoWriMo challenge (neener neener neener). Even better, I didn’t constantly hear her voice in my head telling me that I’m a loser and nobody likes me. Everything was going well, and then last week I received both an xmas card and a phone call from her.

The card was the typical religious one she sends every year with the dove and the word “Peace” on the cover; inside she simply wrote “Love, mom.” There was nothing unusual about the phone message she left saying she just wanted to talk except that I could hear the strain in her voice as she tried to sound cheery. I had wondered how she would handle our “divorce.” Instead of ending the game, her counter move was to pretend that nothing had happened and so she’ll continue to pester me until she forces a response. If I ignore her or change my number to an unlisted one she’ll most likely show up on my doorstep one night (probably Wednesday when I have company for maximum disruption) and pretend that she was just worried about me. I had hoped she would deal with it the same as when my sister gave her a pink slip, namely by rewriting her memories so that she believed my sister grew up to be a rotten and ungrateful child despite her wonderful parenting skills. Apparently it’s not going to be that easy.

So it’s my turn again. I decided to send her the following letter in order to let her know without question that I want her out of my life and that it’s not up for debate. I decided to skip the greeting since I couldn’t think of anything appropriate. Dear Mom wouldn’t work, and To Whom It May Concern didn’t sound right either. Instead, I just cut to the meat of the situation.

This is to inform you that you are no longer a part of my life. You are a hateful person, a rotten mother, and I have never liked you. Similar to your own situation, I did what I had to do to survive being raised by you until I was old enough to move away. I should have cut contact with you immediately, but I stayed in touch due to some misguided sense of duty. I planned to continue playing that role, but I find I am unable to do that any longer as I have grown tired of the games.

This is not a matter open to debate. Do not attempt to contact me ever again as I will not return your calls or read your letters. Our relationship is ended.



Although I felt it necessary to provide a reason (she’ll pretend to be shocked anyway) I tried to avoid bitter recriminations as I couldn’t afford the postage to send her a printed copy of every problem we’ve had over the years. Besides, wallowing in misery and opening old wounds does nothing to improve the situation. I want her out of my life, period. Hopefully this will end matters.

Unfortunately I have no idea what her next move will be. I’ve known her for thirty-six years and all I’ve learned is to expect the worse. Maybe this time she will alter her memories and decide that I too grew up to be an ingrate despite all her efforts. Or maybe she’ll show up at my doorstop and throw a very public fit. She loves to make a spectacle of herself. She used to claim I owed her money for raising me, so maybe she’ll get a lawyer and try to sue me. I’m not joking – there’s no way of telling what she’ll do. I guess time will tell.

Merry Christmas.

Final note – don’t send me any condolences as I’m not upset or depressed. This really is a good thing, long overdue, and I’m looking forward to finally having her out of my life. Everything has been so much better during the brief period I thought her corruptive influence had ended. So really – Merry Christmas everyone. :-)


PBS said...

Hope this works out for you. I tend to be rather cynical about dysfunctional families--it's nearly impossible to really leave them behind.

Happy Holiday to you!

Just Some Gal said...

I know a few people that had to write their family out of thier lives. My father had to do it with his family. His father was a horribly rotten parent and so was his mom. Dad is rather dysfunctional as a parent too but nowhere near his parents. When my granddad passed...a few eyes misted but I have to admit it was more for the reasons of "How sad that we have no good memories...they are all tainted".

I don't look down on you Grant, you have to take care of yourself.

Liz said...

I hope for you that will be the end of it, but I would have a plan incase she does come knocking on the door. She sounds like she might.

Not sure why people think that just because you are born into a family that means you have to stay with them your entire life. You don’t get to choose so why should some random placement be your fate. Sure that is simplistic and ignoring the DNA issue but if anyone else in your life acted that way, you would cut them out too so why should a relative be any different. Being a relative doesn’t change the fact you’re an ass hole.

Seven said...

I obvioulsy don't know your details.....sounds extreme, but my mom has this undercurrent thing going all the time that I owe her the allegiance of being what it is she wants me to she can brag about mme..."look what a great mom I if her having sex with my father and bringing me here left me with a responsibility to her.....Good Luck Dude.....I kissed mine of this Christmas too! Just wann be me....It's hard.