Tuesday, May 25, 2010

TV Improvements

A lot of people have been blogging their thoughts on various season finales which are apparently happening now. I don't have cable and watch all my shows at my own pace via online streaming from NetFlix so I'm exempt from this issue, but it did make me wonder about the state of the good old ratings booster, the crossover, when series overlap stories or borrow characters for cameos from sister series or unrelated shows hosted by the same network. That made me wonder, just how awesome of a crossover could we create if we didn't have silly limitations on who produces the series, what network owns the rights, whether or not it's technically off the air, or if all the major stars are already dead? Consider the following Suggested Crossovers for TV Shows:

#1 - Gilmore Girls / the L-Word: it's boys night out as all of the female members of the Gilmore Girls cast makes out with all the other female members of the show. Hilarity ensues when Madeline gets more lines than normal because she's way hotter than Louise or Paris, but not as hot as Lane. With a cameo from Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Willow (where cameo = anal sex).

#2 - NFL / MASH: the wacky hijinks of the camp's medical staff are viewed through the eyes of the children trying to survive in the bomb-ravaged countryside; specifically the girl children between the ages of 16 and 50. Hilarity bunny ensues when an army supply snafu replaces all of their drab peasant garb with the uniforms of the Dallas Cowboys' cheerleaders.

Potential extra for NFL / MASH:

#3 - NFL / Friends: the annoying gang of friends awaken to discover their series will be canceled and they will be executed if they fail to win the Superbowl. Hilarity ensues as their bodies are broken and mangled because the opposing team is enraged that their cheerleaders have nothing to wear but drab 50's era Korean peasant garb. This week's celebrity sniper will be Ali Larter because I can't spell Hayden Panna Paneti Panetta screw it.

#4 - Star Trek / Sons of Anarchy: the Mayans and One-Niners join forces to eliminate the Sons only to discover they are protected by red-shirted ensigns who are surprisingly easy to kill despite their advanced weaponry. Fifteen minutes into the show, one becomes invincible after it is revealed that he is the son of Kirk's dead friend. Hilarity ensues as Spock flips out in a pon-far inspired rage and kills all of the expendable extras. With Christopher Walken to maximize the awesome.

#5 - Survivor / every drab mainstream sitcom: the stars of all the lackluster sitcoms will be deposited on an island with nothing to eat but a pile of chainsaws. Immunity challenges will be based on the participant's ability to not get cut into bloody sushi. Hilarity ensues as the winner staggers onto the rescue boat only to discover his or her reward is to be dressed like a seal (aka nature's burrito) and then dropped into shark infested waters.

Before I mail my suggestions in to the networks, do you have anything to add?


Robin said...

I like the first one. If I could combine a show maybe I'd do Skins with True Blood or something like that. All I know is it would be vampires, demons and British teenagers who are high all the time.

Jay said...

Okay, I definitely like the L-Word/Gilmore Girls mash up idea. I actually think Louise was hotter than Lane, but that's okay.

Anyway, even though I loved the Gilmore Girls I can definitely see how Lorelai giving up men and shacking up with Carmen from the L-Word would be a great storyline.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

I would have to make a movie/TV show mashup. Buffy/Twilight. Just as Edward and Bella are about to kiss, Buffy stakes Edward and dusts him. Chaos ensues as the Scoobs fight the Cullens. Hee hee!

SJ said...

Good ideas. I am not going to watch any of them.

metalmom said...

Any reality show/ 30 Rock

Due to crashing ratings, all reality show stars are flown to an island. The plane crashes and the survivors kill off the annoying singers and dancers in an immunity challenge called, "So you think you can live on your rock of love" Liz Lemon's career goes through the roof as 30 Rock is now airing quality television.

Avitable said...

I actually had a dream that Jack Bauer showed up to save the world during the finale of Fringe. So you are raping my dreams for blog fodder. Dream raper.

Captain Dumbass said...

I'm all over one and four.

Grant said...

Robin - I don't know if the world is ready for vampires on drugs, but I'm willing to watch and see.

Jay - that works for me. You can have Louise so that we're not fighting over Lane.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter - I've never seen Twilight, but the comments and reviews alone makes me want to see them all get killed, so I'm all for that idea.

SJ - once the studios accept my ideas, they will be on every network. People will be strapped in chairs and forced to watch a la A Clockwork Orange.

metalmom - how about a reality show called "Who wishes they weren't currently on fire?" Liz can add commentary.

Avitable - I'm starting with dreams before working my way down to anus.

Captain Dumbass - I'm surprised nobody else likes my bunny cheerleader idea. Oh, well - more bunny for me.

Maundering mutterer said...

Ja well no fine (as we say in this country) Maybe I should get a TV?

Monogram Queen said...

Hayden Pantiliners.. .you're welcome