Wednesday, January 13, 2010


For my initial review of the Wii, I'm focusing on the console and the accompanying game, Wii Sports. For the record, this is only my third console game ever. While the Wii is designed to be fun while tricking you into being active, the same cannot be said for my first console, the beloved Atari 2600, and its free game, Combat.

With the simple joystick and single red button, it was possible to sit and play with one hand while the other was free to masturbate and/or eat fried snacks that left orange powder on your fingers. Decades later and with large portions of the world (especially corporate America) engaged in lifestyles that keep them in front of a computer with said snacks at hand, the Japanese decided that we are all fat and smelly gaijin and we need to work off some of that flab before we all drop dead of massive coronaries around age twelve. I believe that was the initial pitch to the Nintendo board of directors.

At first, the Wiimote feels too sensitive, but it doesn't take long to overcome, assuming you don't have DT's or some kind of palsy. (as a general note, the Wii is not designed for people with serious handicaps or missing limbs) Once past that, the interface is mostly intuitive and when not the instruction manuals are reasonably easy to use. It can connect wirelessly to the Internet, or via ethernet cable with the purchase of additional equipment. (additional note - the Wii is kind of like Barbie - generally cheap but nearly useless without a million accessories) The best part about connecting your Wii to the Internet is that you can tell all your friends that you connected your Wii to the Internet, assuming you hang out with people geeky enough to care. Otherwise, the weather and shopping channels are inferior to using a desktop browser and I have no interest in online gaming.

The Sports game, however, is a perfect intro. The five games are simple to play but difficult to completely master. Bowling and golf are so low-intensity that they don't trigger shart attacks if I play, and they allow multiple players with a single Wiimote. Tennis and baseball can accommodate multiple players with extra controllers, and the games are simplified (baseball focuses only on pitching and hitting) to keep the learning curve easy. Besides, there are other titles out there for people who want the full experience of those games. The fifth game, boxing, introduces the user to the use of the attachable nunchaku (included) and is intense enough to tire healthy people.

One missed opportunity - the Wii people allow very few adult titles, which is a shame because the motion-sensitive Wiimote would be great for びしょうじょ games. You could just tuck the Wiimote into your shorts and get busy - fun, and great exercise. Wiimote wipes sold separately.

Total score: 4.5 out of 5 bunnies.

*EDIT* - I created some tiny J-bunny images to enhance my ratings system. I know she's wearing kitty ears - SHUT UP!


Captain Dumbass said...

Holy shit! Combat, how could I forget that? Do you remember Pinball? I could play that game for hours straight.

Jay said...

I haven't had any game system since I got rid of my original play station way back in the day. If I had one of those I would never leave the house. Hell, I probably wouldn't even ever go online.

I would love a WII Fit though.

Grant said...

Captain Dumbass - I always thought it ironic that in the early days of video games they took the time to simulate playing a pinball machine.

Jay - I'll do a Wiiview later, but Wii Fit is more of an exercise program than a game, although it has a few activities that are somewhat fun.

dr.alistair said...

my kids got a wii. crap childish graphics. they played the game for about a week and went back to pounding the shit out of aliens on halo.

the exercise programs make sense though....anything to get you moving.

Grant said...

dr.alistair - getting a Wii for the graphics is like seeing Avatar for the complex plot, although Mad World is a kill game with decent graphics (not the usual Mii characters).