Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Why 2010 is already looking like a huge suck-fest

In bulleted form.
  • this blog has yet to inspire a single J-bunny to contact me with offers of marriage and/or anal sex.
  • I canceled my cable account, which is good, but also means my host site for all the bunny pics goes with it whenever they eventually shut everything down.
  • while looking for more bunny pics, I inadvertently discovered a search term that returns results on scads of sexed-up, scantily clad Japanese girls (but at least not nude). If you have a cute girl under the age of sixteen, she has a burgeoning career as a model in Japan. If you want to know the search phrase, I left it with the FBI so just contact them and tell them of your desire to beat off to an eleven year old girl in a bikini and high heels and they will take care of you.
  • two days before the new year, my employer sponsored the Orlando Citrus Parade.
  • the day after that (New Year's Eve), they canceled all of our future paid time off* (no holidays, sick leave, or vacation now). Employees returning from vacation got to discover that they weren't paid for the previous Friday, but at least the loss of pay doesn't come at a time when credit cards are maxed-out due to a consumer holiday. BTW, if you watched the Citrus parade, you were looking at my vacation time and you now owe me money, especially if you're one of those sick fucks who actually enjoys a parade ("look - more people walking by - w00t!").
  • I rang in the new year on the toilet, having set off a shart attack by eating - a salad. And not a heavy one like a chef or taco salad. It was a mix of greens with rice noodles and a light vinaigrette.
  • despite the exercise and decrease in food and increase in sharting, my Wii reports that I'm gaining weight and wants to know why (I'm not kidding).
  • Crotch bomber.
I'm going back to bed. Wake me before 2011 for a do-over.

* I live in an area of the country that mostly wants government out of our lives, especially in regards to healthcare, and yet when they hear about whatever latest thing my employer has done the typical response is "Is that legal? Why does the government allow that?"


Jay said...

I think you're right. 2010 isn't looking too good.

And you know, now that I think about it, in the almost four years that I've had my blog, it has yet to provide me with an opportunity for marriage or even casual meaningless sex. What a waste of time.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Whitemist said...

The last comment by Grant, sounds typical of the confused way life is presented by the conservative right.
Give us health care and bunnies or give us death!

Kira said...

Anonymous has never seen the Cat Blog. That has to be the single funniest thing I've ever read, regardless of author, and you did that one years ago. I'm actually pretty bummed it's no longer around, considering that Chian is gone now. Would have been cool to have that one to laugh about from time to time.

messiah said...

Ran across this, thought it might give you a chuckle....


Here's to 2011.

Robin said...

Employers are AWESOME *sigh*

Monogram Queen said...

well that just bites the big one, cancelling all paid leave... why not get rid of a few of the fat cats sucking big salaries at the top and ... oh hell never mind.
I hate fucking corporate bullshit

Grant said...

Jay - blogging has netted me nothing but meaningless friendships. I agree - what a waste of time.

Whitemist - I'm sure that's what Patrick Henry originally said before the politicians changed his words.

Kira - the anonymous comment is spam I've seen appear on other blogs.

messiah - in case of porn, I'll check it at home.

Robin - yeah, I was going to voluntarily offer to work ten more days for free this year, but they stepped up and took it without me even having to ask. I want to marry them.

Monogram Queen - I'll be surprised if they stop there and don't do anything else to us.

metalmom said...

Personally, I like crotch bomber.

Avitable said...

I'm with you.

tiff said...

I cannot believe your company threw gobs of money at a stupid parade that almost nobody watches, and then turns around and starts cannibalizing the people who make the money that buys the crown for the citrus queen.

Dang, man. Just....dang.

Prata said...

I can host your imagery dude. Shortly I'll be able to host all your shit on a high bandwidth connection, but if you want to put your images on kuei-jin.org just tar that shit up and send it over.

tar -czvf bunniesandwhatnot.tgz image_direcotry

I'll give you the url for it and have at it.

Enemy of the Republic said...

If government goes out of our lives, will bunny come to clean up the mess.

So far 2010 is not promising.

Grant said...

metalmom - that's a reference to a terrorist with a hidden bomb in his pants, so it may be less exciting than you think.

Avitable - I'm with you being with me.

tiff - I'll honestly be surprised if they stop there. They usually screw us in stages.

Prata - I may take you up on that, but for now I'm just using Google's free blog image service. Thanks.

Enemy of the Republic - bunny solves all.

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