|/end Words||/end Bunnies|
|During my time sick (now 14 months and counting), I’ve learned that there are certain foods I can’t eat without experiencing a shart attack. Potatoes are the one single ingredient that can upset my stomach in any form. I can handle a small order of fries or some bits of potato in my curry, but a large dish of potatoes au gratin or two potato sides in one day might as well be a flaming laxative enema for me.|
I recently ordered a personal sized pizza and order of fries from a local delivery joint. (It was more than I could handle for one meal, but I had to reach a minimum amount for free delivery.) I decided to try reheating the fries for my next meal. I stuck them in the microwave, hit reheat, walked away and heard a sound like a cheesy cartoon effect of Daffy Duck being electrocuted. I looked back and saw flames guttering inside the microwave. I managed to fling open the door and get the Styrofoam container under the tap just as it was completely engulfed. Inspecting the charred remains later, I looked under the fries and wax paper beneath them and discovered a hidden pile of foil ketchup packets. This led me to think of the new tagline for the potato industry:
"Potatoes – turn your back on them and they’ll electrify you and burn your damn house down."
|Has anyone ever seen a packet of non-fancy catsup?|
If you think people have varied and intractable views on politics and religion, try discussing health and exercise, particularly weight loss, then you’ll see true fanatics among you. I’m surprised nobody has suicide bombed a Duncan Donuts in the name of the one true god Atkins.
|Recent conversation overheard in line at Subway:|
Sandwich engineer: What kind of sandwich do you want?
Sandwich engineer: And what kind of meat do you want on that?
Okay, the last part didn't technically happen, but it's only because the laws in this country don't allow you to shoot in defense of the gene pool.