Today I went to the wound care clinic owned by the hospital I don’t like. The hospital I like is large, but not on the scale of the other one and doesn’t have all the specialty centers. You can tell from the maps that the bad hospital started big and expanded over the years, taking over the local streets and buildings like an oozing blob from outer space. Anyway, they looked at my open wound and immediately decided it needed to be bigger.
When you’ve been labeled a diabetic (or anything else for that matter), the doctors tend to forget you are an individual and instead treat the ONE AND ONLY ONE group of symptoms that go with your label. For instance, all diabetics have no sensation in their lower legs, so it’s okay to flay the flesh from their bones without bothering with anesthetic or even asking “Does this hurt?”. Fortunately he was just excising the dead skin from the wound and he left the deep tissue work up to the nurse, who actually paid attention when I told them I can feel everything down there and numbed the area first. Note – the numbing agent is wearing off now. I need beer.
Another dickhead maneuver from the doctor – he asked me to roll over on my stomach. That wouldn’t be a problem on a bed, but they had me in some kind of giant chair. If you’re unable to see the issue here, try it yourself at home.
- Sit in your favorite recliner.
- Extend the leg rest while keeping the back in the full, upright position.
- Roll over onto your stomach.
The good news is that my blood sugar level is under control so I can now bleed with the stuckest of pigs, which will contribute to my recovery. The bad news is that this is largely due to my increased exercise which will be severely impacted because I have to stay off my bad foot as much as possible and wear a Frankenstein boot. The good part of the bad news is that this will help me save money because I will not be eating in restaurants with hot bunny waitresses while I’m lurching around in this thing.
Naturally, they want me back next week. There’s nothing like a fresh insurance card to get the nurses all hot and bothered over you.