Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Two Steps Forward, One Leap Back

Today I went to the wound care clinic owned by the hospital I don’t like. The hospital I like is large, but not on the scale of the other one and doesn’t have all the specialty centers. You can tell from the maps that the bad hospital started big and expanded over the years, taking over the local streets and buildings like an oozing blob from outer space. Anyway, they looked at my open wound and immediately decided it needed to be bigger.

When you’ve been labeled a diabetic (or anything else for that matter), the doctors tend to forget you are an individual and instead treat the ONE AND ONLY ONE group of symptoms that go with your label. For instance, all diabetics have no sensation in their lower legs, so it’s okay to flay the flesh from their bones without bothering with anesthetic or even asking “Does this hurt?”. Fortunately he was just excising the dead skin from the wound and he left the deep tissue work up to the nurse, who actually paid attention when I told them I can feel everything down there and numbed the area first. Note – the numbing agent is wearing off now. I need beer.

Another dickhead maneuver from the doctor – he asked me to roll over on my stomach. That wouldn’t be a problem on a bed, but they had me in some kind of giant chair. If you’re unable to see the issue here, try it yourself at home.

  1. Sit in your favorite recliner.
  2. Extend the leg rest while keeping the back in the full, upright position.
  3. Roll over onto your stomach.

The good news is that my blood sugar level is under control so I can now bleed with the stuckest of pigs, which will contribute to my recovery. The bad news is that this is largely due to my increased exercise which will be severely impacted because I have to stay off my bad foot as much as possible and wear a Frankenstein boot. The good part of the bad news is that this will help me save money because I will not be eating in restaurants with hot bunny waitresses while I’m lurching around in this thing.

Naturally, they want me back next week. There’s nothing like a fresh insurance card to get the nurses all hot and bothered over you.

17 comments:

GreenJello said...

I feel for you. :(

I hate having to do medical stuff. And I work in a hospital.

May all your nurses be bunnies.

Jay said...

And how did you obtain this leg wound? Somebody finally get tired of your comments about Western women? LOL

Hope it doesn't hurt too much and you get better soon. I'm going to try laying on my stomach in the recliner now.

NYD said...

Do the chicks dig the Frankenstein boot?

Hit 40 said...

I know what you mean about a good insurance card. The docs order up all kinds of shit usually they own themselves like an MRI machine!! I will not play these games with them.

I will not allow my insurance company to pay for their fat assed bunny wife's fake boobs!!

Whitemist said...

Typical Western Doctor!
At least with my situation I got the most reputable neurosurgeon in the area to confess he had learn a lot from went on with me. he often said most of what happened was not in the books or literature. I guess he must be publishing it by now.

Prata said...

Oh that place sounds like my hospital, although I believe we have all of the neato keen specialty clinics; as we're quite a massive hospital.

Doctors are dicks. I'm probably only saying that because three of them yelled at me because they have personal PCs (almost redundant there....almost) which will not access the application we use to e-sig properly. Like it's my damn fault they screwed up their PCs.

Captain Dumbass said...

Does the boot make a metallic clank when you walk? That would be cool.

Gib said...

Don't mock the insurance card - it's probably the only reason you got a numbing agent. Without it, they'd have used a hacksaw and a mallet. But it would have only cost $99.95 - so there's that.

Grant said...

greenjello - since you work in a hospital, I imagine you know the reality of dealing with doctors instead of the fantasy most people have built up after watching ER and House.

jay - it's an open sore that came as a result of my diabetes and inability to exercise after my last surgery.

nyd - I'm trying to avoid being seen in it, but maybe I should give it a shot. I couldn't do any worse. Maybe it will play on their sympathy.

hit 40 - bunnies aren't fat!

whitemist - there are some good doctors around here. Unfortunately, most of them do not work at the mega-hospital.

prata - I hope you stabbed them in the eyes with a scalpel. You're in a hospital, so since healthcare is so nearby I'm assuming it's legal.

cda - that would be cool, but it's made of rubber, canvas, and velcro. Maybe I can get a respirator and breathe like Darth Vader.

gib - with my huge deductible, I'm still paying for everything. The best thing about the insurance is that they negotiate a lower rate than the full price I had to pay without it. For instance, they managed to knock off 90% of the charge of my last bloodwork.

metalmom said...

Damn, it sucks to be you. :D

tiff said...

Wait - new insurance card??

Kerry said...

Sorry... but I certainly have to laugh at the thought of him asking you to roll over. IN A CHAIR! HELLO! lol

Do they suggest any sort of physical therapy to help keep you moving!? At least that would be some activity... under supervision. Beats no activity

Grant said...

metalmom - yes, it does.

tiff - yes, I signed up for the work insurance which kicked in May 1. First I had to print a temporary card from their site, then they mailed me a card, and immediately after they mailed me a different card.

kerry - actually, every time I attempt to do exercise, they tell me to stop for fear of aggravating my wounds further. Currently I'm trying to do anything that doesn't involve putting weight on my feet.

Whitemist said...

Grant! you need some Bunnies to help you with that physical therapy! i think it might work out very well, they get paid, you get better!

SJ said...

Couldn't it have been possible that the doctors love you and are trying the "tough love" angle?

Ricardo said...

Geez this sounds awful. I'm glad some progress is happening. No pictures of the deep wound. You wimping out on us here?

Grant said...

whitemist - my pharmacist is a tiny cute Asian-American woman. I call her Drug Bunny (but not to her face).

sj - they have the "tough" part down.

ricardo - my camera committed suicide and I haven't bothered to replace it.