Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Because I have no time to do anything but follow the crowd

If anyone wants a brief example of how a Catch-22 situation works, just use my current predicament.
Doctor #1: “You need to exercise so you can get healthy.”
Doctor #2” “You need to get healthy before you can exercise.”

My company is now doling out all the O/T we can eat. In order to go green (read: be cheap), they cut the a/c and air recycling and other janitorial services on the weekend. The building smells old and musty almost immediately. If an elevator reeks of fart on Friday afternoon, it will not smell clean until Monday morning. This makes the bathrooms exceptionally nasty. On Saturday, I noticed that (based on the look and smell) someone had sprayed diarrhea into the urinal. I’m not kidding. Whenever I have my stomach attacks on the weekend, I go home to let it all out.

If one (and only one) good thing has come from being perpetually ill, it’s that I’ve had to spell “diarrhea” so often that I no longer have to look it up.

It sometimes amazes me how international our business has become. While sitting in Atlanta, I assisted a Korean employee who normally works in Australia, is on loan to Singapore, but is out on special assignment in Japan. It was a Chinese employee who first brought the issue to my attention. I wonder how the Italian food is there.

I’ve always thought things like the Academy Awards, where Hollywood awards Hollywood for doing the things Hollywood does for money, was akin to public masturbation but without the entertainment value, but it’s several notches above on the retard scale compared to bloggers handing other bloggers rewards (no, I’m not saying that because I haven’t won any). I already wrote about it here (and that link will also take you to the one, true bloggy award, which you just one, congrats and all), but to further drive the point home I have decided to award myself the thingy below.

It’s cute and pink and I stole it from another site and you will never get me to take it down until I feel like it. So, there – the system has been rendered invalid.

Bunny!

Bunny!

14 comments:

SJ said...

Hey not fair! Hollywood has a foreign langauge film category. Also sometimes the winners are born outside the USA like Australia for example.

Jay said...

You mean your company still runs the air during the week? Give them time, I'm sure they'll come up with a great and fun idea like Fresh Air Fridays where they turn off the air and just open a couple of windows on Friday. It'll be fun!

NYD said...

Love the bunny. Her bikini bottoms are perfect.

Hugh Hefner needs to display more bunnies!

Put Doc 1&2 into the same room with えびーちゃん and watch them disintergrate.

GreenJello said...

"If one (and only one) good thing has come from being perpetually ill, it’s that I’ve had to spell “diarrhea” so often that I no longer have to look it up."

This made me laugh out loud. I should give you the GreenJello Jiggler Award for that sentence alone.

Hit 40 said...

OK I WILL OUT MYSELF AND ADMIT THAT I READ YOUR BLOG AND LAUGH!!!! YOU WILL SEE TOMORROW AND YOU WILL HAVE YOUR AWARDS AND TAGS!! YOU WILL REGRET THIS STATEMENT!!!

And all of your bunny loving friends will also be tagged and saluted!!!

I am currently laughing so hard that I am crying!@!

Whitemist said...

Awards? Tags? Whats that, I have a rainbow thingy that tells me how whatever C word you can make out of it I am and I think that is about it. I think Hugh H might have some awards for you tho....

Hit 40 said...

I have a tag at my blog for you.

Kathy B! said...

God, Grant... I think I love you.

I used to work for Andersen Consulting before they went all Enron and imploded and I was forever trapped in the basement of buildings (or Caesar's Palace even) where the air was "off" for the weekend. Fortunately, I never ran into any urinals upon which someone had exploded...[shudders]

I can't wait to see the load of tags and awards that Hit 40 is about to drown you under. Hee hee.

Hit 40 said...

Kathy B! is correct but...

I don't think you will play with us :-(

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Found you through Hit 40 - I can see why she enjoys reading you so much! ;)

Isn't it amazing how certain smells will remain if the a/c isn't on?

Happy RTT a couple days late! :)

Kathy B! said...

I believe Hit 40 tagged you over on her blog. I expect you to follow along and play nicley... come on, Grant... get it in gear!

tiff said...

You have posted the one true bunny, dude. She is adorable!!

Health before fitness, not a witness. Fitness before health, will bring you wealth.

You heard it here first.

Grant said...

sj - our pathetic attempts to include foreign films in our award ceremonies is often tarnished by our inability to remember who came from which country.

jay - we have the kind of windows that won't open, so we'll have to do Farty Fridays instead.

nyd - I prefer them without the bikini bottoms.

I don't think modern American medicine believes in the existence of Asian people. Supposedly if you eat a lot of rice, then you will be an obese diabetic.

greenjello - if the award comes with bunny, send it over.

hit 40 - I said nothing about tags. I just think people awarding their peers is silly in any circumstance, and doubly so in the bloggysphere.

whitemist - here is your award.

hit 40 - you have exceeded your comment bandwidth for this post. I fine you a dollar.

kathy b! - if you ran into any urinals at all, you were probably in the wrong room.

hit 40 - and now that's two dollars.

stacy - welcome aboard! I give it a week before you hate me.

kathy b! - I apologize for allowing work to interfere with my blogging. And I fine you a dollar.

tiff - she's cute, but a little more Westernized than I would prefer.

Ricardo said...

the deteriorating situation at your place of work is pretty alarming. There's going green and going cheap and I think they went cheap. Admit it, you sprayed the diarrhea into the urinal.