Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Bunny Dumped

Earlier this week, a woman I’ve known for about a year suddenly sent me the following e-mail: “Please don’t send me anymore e-mail. Thanks.”

It wasn’t a total shocker. Her husband has always seemed controlling and hasn’t wanted her to have any friends, male or female, and now that she’s quit work to deliver his baby it seemed like the perfect time to tighten the noose and cut her off from everyone. I’m sure she didn’t want to do it, but she’s totally dependant on him now.

So, as long as we’re operating in dumpage mode, I thought I would weed out some of the newer readers. I used to have custom blog templates with depictions of Hell that did nothing to signal that I might be a tad abnormal, so people would join in until I said something not to their liking, and then they would act like a puppy who had been promised a treat but got neutered instead. So, to avoid any confusion, allow me to share my basic ethos.

By default, I hate all people, but especially hypocrites. Random Killing Sprees© are a legitimate form of entertainment. All organized religion is bad. Metal. I’ve been into recycling since before green became the new black. The world will eventually be destroyed by Giant Atomic Chickens™, in accordance with prophecy. There is no good reason for anyone to ever get married. Cannibalism is fucking funny. Japanese women are often hot. Satan rulz! I like chainsaws. Purple is pretty, but green is still my favorite color. I want a pet zombie.

If any of that offends you, quietly tiptoe away and shoot yourself. I’ve already filled my drama quota for the week. Seriously – if you don’t like this blog, please go somewhere else. Comments telling me I’m bad and need to find jebus have yet to significantly alter my life.

Also, it’s time to decide whether or not I want to continue being part of the local Japanese group. I joined it in the hopes of making friends. A year later and my new friend count is (let me double-check): 0. The Japanese, who are not nearly as polite as their reputation would suggest, attend in order to meet other Japanese. The locals attend in order to meet Japanese. Absolutely nobody is interested in meeting an American. I think I’ll attend one final dinner to see if everyone is as standoffish as I remember, then make my decision.


Anonymous said...

I'm a professed solitary witch but not a Wiccan, I chain smoke, I guzzle coffee like most folks drink water. I wear boy cut panties and I also like lacey thongs. I put funky neon colours in my hair, I perce weird places and I'm addicted to tattoos...

I wear miniskirts and spandex jeans, I like tank tops and see through blouses. I also wear army fatigues because I think they're goddamn sexy. If you told me that my combat boots looked stupid with my miniskirt I'd laugh at you and walk away...

I swear like a motherfucker and I don't care who reads/hears it. I use the word cunt freely and I hate "feminism" as we know it because I believe in equality rather than femDOMME".

I'm a liberal with certain conservative views but if I were an American I'd fuck Obama until his eyes bled.

I'm not in league with Satan but I'd chat up anyone who was decent to me, Jesus, Allah or the Flying Spaghetti Monster - its all the same to me as long as they're not fundamentalist asswads...

I like girls and I like boys. I adore violent video games and someday I'm going to bag a huge deer and enjoy every single greasy roasted bite...

I won't judge you if you won't judge me :-)

That being said - I think you're a breath of fresh air and I hope your friend gets the hell away from that lobjob because honey - I've been there and that scene never ends well...

metalmom said...

Hey Grant, jgrrl sounds like one of us! I LIKE her!

I was wondering what happened to your chickens of death. I'm glad to have you back!

Satan welcomes you back too.

Crys said...

green is my favorite color too.

there are a lot of controlling husbands out there; is her husband Caucasian? i often find these white guys get these Asian girls and they expect them to be Geisha-like. uncool. but then again, Japanese men often do the same.

i don't believe about half of your basic ethos. the other half, i've taken under advisement.

Crys said...

oh, and agreed:

jgrrl rules.

Anonymous said...

*smiles softly and drifts back into the shadows*

SJ said...

Random Killing Sprees are also a better form of entertainment. The losers get something too ... like a funeral for instance..

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Glad you didn't go hating on's my favorite. Besides, zombies sometimes have lovely streaks of purple just underneath their skin...if they HAVE any skin, that is.

Hey, you can have any one of the zombies I had nightmares about on Monday night as a pet...there were quite a few of them...male and female. See, I'm more a "dog person" myself....:)

messiah said...

man... you are so far ahead of me. i just have trouble getting up and functioning in the morning.

guess i have to work on my coolness quotient.

do you have a preferred colour for your zombie? or are you after a j-bunny sex slave zombie....

just to clarify... you know.

sorry to hear about the stuck up minority group.... pretty sure from what i've read, it's going to be your last dinner.

Joe said...

Love the "Green is the new black" observation.

And I'll add my agreement re: jgrrl

Finally, anyone who tiptoes away and doesn't return to this blog would be missing an awful lot -- as will your friend.

Sorry to hear about that.

Grant said...

jgrrl - I had venison once and wasn't too impressed. Cows are just too darn tasty.

mm - there is no escape from the GACs.

crys - hopefully you're on board with the Satan-y half.

crys & jgrrl - you two need to make out and post a video.

sj - I'm proactively dealing with the threat of overpopulation. Their sacrifices will not go unnoticed. Plus they can be ground into free meatloaf for the poor.

pq - maybe you could get a zombified dog.

messiah - in addition to the other behaviors, most of the Japanese won't show if they schedule it at a non-Asian restaurant. They're okay with Malaysian and Indian foods, but they freak at the thought of being confronted with a hamburger.

joe - thanks. I'm sure you agree that jgrrl and crys need to make out and post a video.

tiff said...

Oh man, that email is scary. I have no DOUBT that her husband is putting the screws to her having any friends at all. Hope she sees the light and makes an escape, and doesn't stay in it "for the children." That just never ends well.

Both you and jgrrl have given me something to shoot for: an incredibly high coolness quotient. I'm about 1/20th of the way there.

Grant said...

tiff - hopefully she'll get it together and escape. I count every bad marriage that ends as a victory for society.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Let's see--I believe in God,maybe Jesus, but I think Satan may not be real. However, I TOTALLY AGREE THAT THE WORLD WILL BE DESTROYED BY GIANT ATOMIC CHICKENS! It has been foretold on tablets with Hittite script, found in Ancient Sumeria.

I get the feeling you are a vegetarian.

I do yoga, pilates and read books.

I wear modest clothing except when I want to look hot.

I've been known to tell people to fuck off when they bother me--I am especially ruthless if they get brave in an email, but refuse to confront me personally. Restraining orders have been used against me.

I don't hate people, but I often find them useless.

I am heterosexual, but I don't find most men to be attractive. Hence my successful long marriage.

I don't remember what else you said, but I think we'll get along fine. And feel free to email me, but give me a call if you want to tell me to go to hell.

Monogram Queen said...

People sending you emails about jebuz etc can Feck Off!
I like you just the way you are.

I feel really sorry for your ex-bunny friend. She's probably in for a really tough time down the road if not already!

Prata said...

Every marriage is a death to normal social graces, in my mind. They should outlaw marriage and reward those who get divorced. And while I'm here:

They should also limit the number of children _anyone_ is allowed to have. It limits stupidity (short of killing people arising from the genetic cesspool, although that would probably be more fun lol) and creates a more manageable resource drain on the world.

Violators would of course be killed along with all of their offspring. I've had a little too much time on my hands lately.