Friday, March 21, 2008

Happy Bunnyday

In case you live in a foreign land such as Croatia or Nepal or Louisiana, and you don’t have things like freedom, ketchup, or Jesus1, let me briefly explain this combined Lent / Good Friday / Easter Sunday concept. A long time ago, possibly before the 1900’s even, a man and/or demigod named Jesus was tortured and killed, and then his zombified corpse rose three days later and people have been fighting over the significance of this ever since2. Based on all the arguments I’ve seen in various blogs, it’s a sin to not be a hetero white person living in the U.S. I was born in compliance with xtianity, but have since voluntarily opted out. My afterlife may be hot, but at least it will include Japanese women.

Anyway, first comes Lent, wherein we make a lot of jokes about what we’ll give up to get closer to god (and don’t say religion, because that’s older than the chicken crossing the road joke), then we forget the whole thing until Good Friday comes along. Then we go to work as usual, and the people who said they gave up religion for Lent make lame jokes about what a good Friday this is. Then we dye eggs and have a bunny-themed Sunday3 because if we don’t then Jesus will cry and the terrorists will have won.

It’s too bad that the crucifixion and rebirth of the xtian lord and savior doesn’t warrant a day off like a major holiday such as Labor Day, but at least after the holiday comes an event of actual significance – the stores sell bunny-shaped chocolates at half price. They need to clear the space taken by the leftover xtian chocolate to sell crap based on the next major event, such as Earth Day or that day that ends with a “y”.

So, in the name of the zombie jebus, Happy Bunnyday everyone.

1 – items listed in order of importance from most to least.
2 – feel free to use this whenever you are asked to explain any religion.
3 – xtians apparently don’t realize that rabbits don’t lay eggs, but far be it from me to criticize their religion as being possibly inconsistent, corrupt, or just plain stupid.

9 comments:

Doug Murata said...

BUNNIES!

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Lent, schment.

Where's the chocolate Easter bunnies???

Tai said...

I dressed up like a j-bunny today and tried to visit you, but your neighbour said you had just run down the street screaming, "BINARY BINARY!!! BLAM! BLAM!"

Oh well, there's always next year.

p.s. I hope that covers the lawsuit issue and sees me free and clear

SSC said...

Hoppy EASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kira said...

I don't care what you call it or how you justify it, if it involves me getting a freakin' basket of candy when I wake up on a Sunday morning, I'm all for it.

グラント said...

doug - not the kind I like, but still cool.

pq - THEY'RE ON SALE TODAY!

tai - post pics of you as a J-bunny on your blog and we'll call it even.

ssc - happy after Easter.

kira - godiva loves Easter, almost as much as arbor day and every other day of the year. But your e-mails were slow last week so you get nothing. :p

Patti said...

You know we used to have Good Friday off but I think it got canned in favor of MLK day. Heathens! Dark-sided!

TigerYogiji said...

Bunnies and eggs are actually symbols of the Goddess of Spring, whose holiday the Christians took over and renamed Easter.

oh, those sneaky Xtians...

messiah said...

so, i can't help but wonder.... are you a tail first, or ears first kind of guy.....

(and just to rub it in, i just returned from a 4 day weekend, having both good friday and easter monday off.)