Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Random Bits of Randomness That’s Totally Random

Last night I exercised near a tiny Asian woman. She was so cute, straining to curl fifteen pounds. She made me want to cradle her in my arms and tell her “Put those heavy weights away, babycakes. Let the big, strong, American guy (read: dumb redneck) take care of you.”

I actually do like mustard on my biscuits.

I’m beginning to suspect the Sims may be a communist plot to supplant our American independence with their heathen ideals. In order to do anything, you have to make friends within the sim community. Feeling unhappy? You need friends. Want to advance your career in the military? You need friends. Attempting to become a movie star? You need friends. “Click here to deny your god and we’ll give your sim a shiny new pony.”

Look at all the fishies at the bottom of the sea. Who would like to join them? Who would like to join them?

The news is reporting President Bush’s approval rating at a new low yet again. Since they’ve already reported that at least a hundred times over the last few years, shouldn’t his numbers be in the negatives by now? How would that be possible? “I hate Bush so much I had myself cloned just so I could vote against him twice.”

I’ve noticed a lot of my blogpals are Australian, and they all seem to be laid back and easy going. Come to think of it, every bloggy person who has freaked out on me has been American born, although some were living abroad. We could stand to relax a little more in America, land of the frivolous yet highly successful lawsuit. I guess when you live in Australia, a land where it’s three billion times more likely to be killed and eaten by snakes than in the US, you learn to relax and focus on the things in life that really matter, such as not being killed and eaten by spiders.

13 comments:

Saur♥Kraut said...

“I hate Bush so much I had myself cloned just so I could vote against him twice.” :D

Yep, the Aussies are pretty laid back. I've got some good friends who live over there, now.

fatty ~ said...

love the quote too. I'm tempted to get an american citizenship just to vote against Bush - afterall, he affected the whole bloody world.

Right on the spot - argh! spider!
everything else is frivolous in light of our plight from snakes.
[seeing we have like half of the top ten most dangerous]

We seem 'happy-go-lucky' but aussies are actually very hard workers. Maybe because hard work goes very far here.
Aussies don't worship heroes, we disdain politicans, and we're not very 'patriotic' in an american sense.

BBB_0202020 said...

I have never had mustard on my bscuits and that little tiny women curls more lbs. than me. damn i have to start going to the gym again

chele said...

look at you, showing your sensitive side ...

Wendy C. said...

That was indeed very random.
Add me to the list of folks who love "the quote"

Take care
Do what thou wilt >:->

Liz said...

I can’t believe you are still caught up in your Sims world. Makes me want to start up my game and get laid for old times.

Your right about Americans, they are way too stressed and up tight.

Ayako said...

Ahahah well I wouldn't say that snakes were abundant here...although some of the world's most poisonous do call this place home =D

Kerry said...

Our flippin website has been jacked up for about a week... so i've been MIA. :)

Good to read you're still chasing asian chicks. gosh i've missed reading bout that ;)

Leesa said...

I thought you were three billion times more likely to be killed and eaten by a lizard or alligator in Austrailia. I thought the snakes just bit you, poisoned you, and left. Austrailian snakes aren't all that hungry.

mal said...

you notice there is no "Columbine" option in Sims?,,mmmmmmmmm

Grant said...

saur kraut - we could use a little Aussie attitude in the US.

fatty - by laid back, I was just referring to the way you guys seem less uptight than us. BTW, if you think the Japanese are anal, it seems to me we're usually worse than they are.

tigerkiss - 15 pounds is good for a woman? Your kind is weaker than I thought, which I find very encouraging. :p

chele - yes, it slips out when I'm not watching.

wendy - thanks, fellow devil person.

liz - I still haven't managed to get my Sim laid. That game's too realistic for its own good.

ayako - I saw a special on TV about the 10 deadliest species of snakes, and all 10 were in Australia. The common brown really freaked me out, just because they made it seem abundant in even in the cities.

kerry - I was wondering what happened. Glad you're still with us.

leesa - some of the snakes are very hungry. That no eating thing is just a racial stereotype, and I won't stand for it here. :p

mallory - the game forces you to get very creative if you want to kill people. Try getting them in the pool, and then remove any way to get out. >:)

Spider Girl said...

The Australians I know laugh in the facy of danger, especially the puny Canadian spiders.

And Australians made the bus tours I've taken the rockin' memories they are.

Grant said...

spider girl - they would laugh at where I live since I haven't had a single snake sighting in years (and it was a dead non-poinsonous one at that).