Thursday, April 06, 2006


Apparently, I’m never going to do a regular post again. I actually did have a post planned for today, but first – more questions answered.

At 4/05/2006 11:46 PM, messiah said...
... are you willing to share your secrets to work better, not harder?

Three things I do to keep my reputation as a speedy miracle worker:
1) I work consistently except for short bathroom and stretch breaks. My typing and data entry speeds are slow (I usually type about 45 wpm, although I can push it up to 60 if needed) but in my data entry days I was able to outwork people with nearly twice my speed because I didn’t get distracted or slow down after a few minutes. Those typing and keyboard speeds only show how fast you CAN work for a short period. They do nothing to demonstrate how much you WILL produce over several hours.
2) I naturally seek out shortcuts that save time, even if they’re just minor things that only shave off a fraction of a second. For example, in older computer systems that delete information if you use the end key, the fastest way to get to the end of a line of code was to drop to the next line, hit the left cursor key, and viola: you’re at the end of the original line. People may laugh and say that’s anal (which it is) (but I’ll still kill them) but little things like that add up. With modern software programs, keyboard shortcuts are your friends.
3) If needed, I will stay late to make it look like I finished on time, and then get my time back by coming in late or taking long lunches or blogging on company time.

At 4/06/2006 12:30 AM, Eternity said...
Are you lonely?

Why? Are you a thirtyish Asian dentist with a Catholic schoolgirl outfit? :p

Sometimes I do get lonely, but I treasure my personal time and private space more. The only way I could ever be in a serious relationship with a woman would be if she could respect my need for privacy (especially when I’m writing) and that sometimes I need to recharge alone. Otherwise, I do wish I had somebody else in my life.

I’m thinking of getting a pet. We’re allowed to have animals in my apartment if they’re small enough to fit in a cage. Of course, my apartment is fairly spacious so I can get a pretty big cage in there. I’m not using the dining room now, which I think is just big enough to house a rhinoceros. Or I could install a lock on my walk-in closet, name it the cage, and keep an Asian schoolgirl in there.

TAGGED by Tigerkiss. I’m going to cheat and only do the first meme because the second was long and I have paid work to do and I’m behind on my blogging anyway, but if you’re interested you can see the rest at her site.

The Rules: you're to write 6 revealing, strange/quirky things about yourself on your blog and then tag 6 people to do the same. As usual, I won’t be tagging anyone since, when I do, somebody always fails to do the post and then I feel rejected and have to do something for my self-esteem which invariably involves making the news and disposal of a severed head, but feel free to help yourself if you’re bored and short on post material.

1) I don’t do rules. I believe in being polite and considerate at all times, but otherwise I live by the combined credos of “Do no harm” and “Do what you will shall be the whole of the law.” I borrowed the second one from Anton Szandor LaVey, who established the modern Church of Satan.

2) Despite all the jokes I make and the fact that I actually have read the Satanic Bible and I agree with most of it, I am not a Satanist, nor do I actively practice Voodou. In the past, I’ve also claimed to worship Zeus, Odin, Thor, and at times pretended to be a Zoroastrianist, but those were all jokes as well.

3) I love irony to the point where I’ll make decisions and pursue goals based on how ironic the outcomes might be. For example, I’m seriously tempted to kill everyone who says I’m a nice person and they don’t feel threatened by me, not out of any malice, but just because of the inherent irony in the situation. “Hey, G, you’re a nice guy.” “BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!”

4) I like mayonnaise, but it looks so much like sperm that I usually can’t stand the thought of putting it in my mouth.

5) I used to shout “20 pieces of chicken” for no reason at all, but I had to quit doing that when I moved from the plant production floor into corporate offices.

6) Despite finding Asian women attractive and my interest in Japanese culture, I don’t really think I have yellow fever (an Asian fetish). I like the appearance of most Asian women, but I don’t believe the stereotype of the Japanese woman is entirely accurate (they never are) and I don’t really care for quiet, submissive women anyway. Even though I think Asian-usagi are the hottyest of all hotties, I really prefer American attitude combined with Brit wit. Bitches rule! Besides, I wouldn’t pass on any woman because of her ethnicity. That’s why I label it a preference instead of a fetish. I have met guys who I think cross that line because they can’t appreciate a woman unless she meets very rigid standards, usually of the “big tittied blonde” variety.

Okay, I’ll cheat and do the last question of the second meme: If God were to whisper one thing in your ear, what would you like Him to say?
“Pssst…I don’t exist.”

Did I mention I love irony?


Nobius said...

I've been tagged for that quirky things too...perhaps before the turn of the century I'll respond. :) ...where do I start?

In my last department I recieved the company work horse award because I never stop. Which I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Even on my new four day a week, tweleve plus hour days I don't take lunch or breaks.

My wife things I'm sick but I'm just doing what I do. :)

Speaking of the privacy thing, I think it's why my wife and I have been together so long because she gives me privacy and breathing room. I do not want to be joined at the hip with someone.

It's not in my nature.

~Deb said...

I wasn't really sure what you sided with -- as far as the Satan and Voodoo thingie.

What things about Satanism do you agree with and why? Just curious, because even Marylin Manson is quite interesting...I always hang on every word. Ironic huh? Christian and listening to people who worship Satan.

Just curious. I would love to see you blog about your thoughts on that. :)

Just Some Gal said...

I want to leave some snarky comment but i'm still laughing at "20 pieces of Chicken". Your co-workers would sh*t their pants if you just got all turrets on them...haha

Grant said...

nobius - most companies would prefer that you work almost, but not quite, to the point of dying. However, I've found that I'm more productive if I balance my life - a little work, a little play, a little reading, a little writing, a lot of booze, and complete evil 24x7.

~deb - mostly I agree with the Atheist aspect of the religion, wherein it views all religions as man-made creations, although I found it to be a little cynical even for me. I'll try to blog more on that later.

blondie - thanks. Your snarkiness is noted and appreciated.