Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Simspiracy

Last night, while playing Impossible Creatures (which I generally call the monkeyfish game, because if you can’t rule the world with hordes of monkeyfish, there’s no point in living), I began to notice how similar the controls are to the Sims – mouse scrolling, clicking icons to select and use, etc. While I was designing an impenetrable perimeter of monkeyfish doom (complete with bramble fences, sonic towers, and sperm whale / porcupine creature called pokey), I began to think the area was too dark and it probably needed a lovely pair of end table lamps to brighten and raise the room rating. D00d, wtf?

Come to think of it, all the people who recommended I buy the Sims were women. Obviously, this is a vaginal conspiracy designed to sap my monkeyfish warrior mentality and turn me into some latte-slurping, sandal-wearing, Northern liberal wussbag weenie. Fortunately I caught it early before the process could take hold.

Almost time to go home. I wonder if my aurcents* will fight better if I buy them a hot tub.

* Sort of an inverted centaur – body of a gorilla, head of a horse. Distant cousin of the tauromin – body of a bull, head of a baboon.

17 comments:

Stephanie said...

just thought i would let you know i was here!!

Just Some Gal said...

Or perhaps that heart bed that vibrates...haha increases the happiness factors.

Honestly, I am a cheater when I do play sims because I only like to cheat for lots of money then build HUGE houses...haha

~Deb said...

Vaginal conspiracy? Too funny. I have no IDEA what in God's name you are talking about, but that last section where you described some weird looking creature....it sounded a lot like my ex...hmmm....

H.E.Eigler said...

Hey - My Sims always seem to light themselves on fire. Sounds amusing, yes? - only for the first 50 times.

(I'm a Big believer in Vaginal Consipiracy - mine's in revolt)


H

fatty ~ said...

women might have advertised it - but you were the wuss who gave in to buying it

ManNMotion said...

Interesting, so what you are saying is that this whole Sim thing might be an underground conspiracy to strip of us our manliness. That's so devious, and probably true.

BBB_0202020 said...

LMAO @ monkeyfish warrior mentality, I used to play SIMS alot.

PBS said...

Hey MF Warrior, I love the SIMs! And it's mocha, thank you.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Never played Sims.

I am so outta the loop...:(

Joe said...

Don't worry about that happeneing, Grant. I understand that the first symptoms are developing an affinity for all things Japanese and you're not anywhere near...uh...Hold on a second...

Seven said...

Now you have gone and done it....you have insulted all the latte-slurping, sandal-wearing, Northern liberal wussbag weenies out there.
Glad I'm exempt from that club!

pink said...

Grant you just need to admit that you do what women tell you.Your just like every other man.Now you can come chasing after me with your sword

Leesa said...

Vaginal conspiracy? I know no women who ever play video games.

Tai said...

I'd fight better if you bought ME a hot tub!

Grant said...

stephanie - your presence is noted. :)

blondie - I tried the vibrating bed, but by the time I got one of the loving couple into it, the other one would wander away. Lots of cursing ensued.

~deb - you don't understand because you have a real life involving other people and leaving your house for reasons other than going to work. You freakin' weirdo. :p

h.e.eigler - I had that problem too. Once I set the house on fire and then invited everyone in the neighborhood over for a party. I think eight people died (including the mommy and daughter), so I'm considering the party a huge success.

aka fatty - as a man who has paid for floral arrangements and bath mats, I can assure you that, although I may own the wallet, I'm not in charge of how it's used.

mannmotion - fortunately, I caught it before it's too late. I recommend lots of beer and violent Japanese horror movies as an antidote.

tigerkiss - now you should play something violent like Carmageddon to balance your soul in accordance with the principles of feng shui.

pq - its addictive, so I recommend going with a nice safe vial of crack as a healthful alternative.

joe - phase II is an interest with all things Canadian and a desire to defect, you turncoat. :p

rick - THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN! And we're long overdue.

pink - yes, I admit that I do everything women tell me, as long as there's a chance we might be able to mate. Especially if they're Asian.

leesa - nice try, but we know what your kind is up to.

tai - you would make an excellent combined creature. I'm envisioning a mix of you and moose. I'll call it the Horney Tai (moose antlers on your head - we'll keep the moose body for charge attacks).

Tai said...

Yeah...but do I get the hot tub!?!

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Crack. Hmm...I'll have to try that...;)