Tuesday, January 03, 2006

2006 is off to a bad start

Yesterday I had my first hangover since the JD experiment. I decided to have a few beers while refining my armies of monkeyfish but wound up listening to music and then going to bed at Lucifer knows what hour and awakening with a stomach full of tadpoles. Upon consulting the recyclables, I discovered I drank thirteen beers the night before. Why thirteen? Because I had thirteen. I’m glad I didn’t have a full case in the fridge.

I thought of calling in sick, but it didn’t seem the way to start the work year, especially since I already had work waiting for me. When I got to work I discovered nobody else had done their jobs and so I couldn’t do mine. I sat around entertaining thoughts of death and destruction, which is normal for me, but not taking any pleasure from it. The voices in my head kept repeating “they should all be killed” but the voices wouldn’t tell me who “they” were. I hate it when I have generalized psychopathic impulses. I need some focus in my life, damnit.

I eventually survived the day, went home and crawled back into bed. After a lot of sleep and one brief interruption for a really bad karate movie (Kill and Kill Again), I was able to return to work today to once again wait for everybody else to do their jobs. At least I can enjoy my psychotic thoughts, although the voices still won’t tell me who should be killed. Looks like it’s time for another Random Killing Spree.

I wonder what enticed me to drink so much. Maybe it was the Sock playing bartender. Well, the joke’s on him. While drunk last night I did the laundry. As punishment, Steve and McQueen are both on my feet today. Dissent will not be tolerated in my closet. Who’s yer daddy now, sockboys?

The culprits:

The Co-Conspirators

6 comments:

Just Some Gal said...

S & M on your feet huh?

My blog is taking ages to load with Internet Explorer...but is fine with Firefox. I resized a photo so maybe that will help. I don't understand what is going on with it. Gmail just crapped out on me too so I'm pissed.

I tried emailing a response but its being b*tchy.

I bet it is the socks!

grayse said...

LOLOL... ok I am so mad at your sock war LOL

Toad734 said...

Dude, forget 13 beers, it was 13 Ice House. That is your main problem. For a guy who wanted to cleanse himself of chemical additives, mass brewed beers from Miller are not the way to go. Ice House has a lot of Alcohol and little water, plus I am sure there is a bunch of nasty shit in there as well. Beers made in Germany and Belgium are the way to go. For one, it doesn't take 13, 2nd, in Germany they have laws governing the beers purity and most Belgium beers are made by monks. Surprisingly Budweiser is relatively chemical free but as for beers like Miller Lite there is a reason you can still get drunk on a beer with no Alcohol calories; it’s called a chemical interpretation of being drunk.

So I am a beer snob, sue me.

Liz said...

All I can think is what 13 beers would do to me, shaking and vomiting times four equals death and hangover in heaven (hopefully:).

Better be nice to S&M, this was just a warning.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Hangovers suck. I had a MASSIVE one last week and was an hour and a half late for work because of it.

I'm glad to hear you have your socks under control. Can't let 'em get the best of you...before you know it they'll not only have their own drawer, they'll take over the whole damn dresser. ;)

Weary Hag said...

I was going to try the whole hangover routine this year for the first time in my life but then realized I'd have to actually consume alcohol, which I don't. Instead I was blessed with years of migraines which, amazingly, would occur on the weekends when I got up in the morning. This, to me, was quite the dirty joke the forces played on me. I didn't even get to have a good drunk on before all that pain and suffering.
My alcoholic sister did suggest once that I drink to alleviate the migraine. Even I, lover of all that is ironic, couldn't take that kind of twist, so I never tried it.

Since I don't seem to get as many migraines anymore (thank you menoferkinpause-onset), I figured I should tie one on someday just for shits and giggles. I'll let you know if I do - I'm going to need your expert advice and reassurance should that day come to pass.