For the next thirty days, I will daily express my love for NBD in wonderful and unique ways. So far I have:
Day One: Surreptitiously leave a chocolate bunny with a candy arrow through its heart.
Day Two: Surreptitiously leave a real dead bunny with a crossbow bolt through its heart.
Day Three: Hire singing dolphins to serenade her.
Day Four: Carve my initials into the dashboard of her car.
Day Five: Kill any rivals for her affection with a heart-shaped sledgehammer. The wound patterns should be really neat.
Day Six: Pet cobra (they’re so cute when they strike).
Day Seven: Dead cats arranged in a heart on her front lawn.
Day Eight: Screaming “I love you and you’ll never be rid of me” as the cops drag me away.
Days Nine through Thirty: Carving ILNBD into various body parts (not necessarily my body) while awaiting trial.
In case I escape incarceration, I may need some suggestions for other days. Please leave your ideas in the comments. Yes, I’m still recovering from my latest bout with insomnia. Why do you ask?
Warning - blog owner is old and cranky and if you leave a comment he will follow you back to your place and return comment which usually leads to drama and debate, so if your blog is particularly Jesus / kitty / kid-intensive, you may want to reconsider.
3 comments:
I think since Halloween will be in your 30 day .You should build up to something really spectacular for that day.Raising the dead,Mass killing spree etc.
You could leave a heartshaped box of chocolates on her doorstep.
And when I say "heart-shaped", I really mean "heart-shaped".
;)
You're obsessed man. :)
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