Disclaimer

Thanks to everyone for your comments and advice. In case you haven’t already guessed, I never actually intended to ask my dentist out. Although my descriptions of her beauty were not hyperbole, we have a professional doctor-client relationship that I don’t intend to jeopardize. In addition to being almost unbearably exquisite, she’s also a really good dentist, and I would hate to lose her in that capacity.

It has been a sort of fun pining for her, a low level ache not unlike the lingering soreness I have after a visit to her office, or a child’s guilt over taking a cookie from the jar. I think of her and it reminds me of the things missing from my life, and I wonder if maybe my life isn’t too easy for my own good. It’s been a long time since I truly hungered for anything except my next meal, which I rarely prepare myself. I’m usually to nice to deny myself any pleasure, kind of like spoiling the family pet into a shortened life of obesity. Maybe I should concoct some sort of life experiment, like eliminating red meat for a month, or going outside on occasion, or greeting all strangers by screaming non sequiturs (e.g. “Is this where you get the Metallica tickets?”, “Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown.”, or “Nuke Jane Fonda in the name of jebus!”). I’ll think of something. More suggestions are welcome.

But I’m not turning off the air conditioning for any reason. Not until November at the earliest. Death before inconvenience!