Friday, May 06, 2005

Science vs. Religion yet again

Having triumphed in my current home town of Marietta (note – Georgia makes the news far too often), the de-evolutionaries have descended upon Kansas in their latest attempt to get science out of the high school science classes and have it replaced with religion – their religion. This time they’re holding a sham of a trial intended to decide what will be taught in science class – the leading scientific theory, or “Creation Science” (i.e. government backed bible studies). I call it a sham of a trial because the three judges have already announced they are pro-creation and anti-science, and the trial will proceed even though the defendants (the scientific community) will not be in attendance.

I used to wonder why the religionists always insisted that science was at odds with religion (being able to rebuild a Ford engine doesn’t prove it wasn’t manufactured in Detroit), but that was before I fully grasped the concept of Fundamental Xtianity. Basically put, FX’s stress a literal interpretation of the bible (which version I’m not sure). Therefore science’s most basic claims – things like matter cannot be created from nothing, the universe is billions of years old, and dinosaurs once walked the Earth – are all blatant contradictions to their flavor of xtianity. FX’s would have us believe the Earth was created in five days, the rest of the universe in one day, our planet is only four to twelve thousand years old (depending on which FX you ask – hey, they’re spiritual leaders, not mathematicians) and dinosaurs never existed since they are not referenced in the bible. Neither are Eskimos, so any you meet are a figment of your imagination.

No joke here – some FX’s actually claim dinosaur bones were created by god as a test of man’s faith. If you believe dinosaurs ever existed, then you don’t believe the bible and are therefore going to hell. I try to give the FX’s an out by suggesting that maybe god created the bones so paleontologists will have something to do.

Now I could do something like rant about how these stupid fucking fundamentalist dickless barrels of half-baked pickled monkey shit morons make my blood boil with their abject stupidity, or ask the FX’s why god gave us a sense of curiosity if we, as a race, are supposed to just shut the heaven up and blindly do whatever they claim the currently accepted version of the bible tells us to do, or ask them to teach science as a religious belief in their churches as a fair trade, but I’ve decided to take the high road instead. To the FX’s I ask, if science is evil and science teachers the enemy, do you really want them teaching your kids about religion?

One thing I’ve learned is if you want to harm an organization or viewpoint, more damaging than boycotting or protests is a lunatic on their side. When they moved Judge Moore’s xtian idol indoors, one of the faithful dominated the sound bytes with screams of “Get your hands of our god!” Why beat them if you can join them, and then draw attention to yourself by acting like a maniac? Instead of arguing against Creation Science, the teachers should willingly teach it, channeling George Carlin at will:
Teacher, normal voice: “Okay, kids, that was the leading scientific theory called evolution. Following is what the school board wants me to teach you about the creation of the universe.”
Teacher, sarcastic voice: “There’s an invisible man, and he lives in the sky, and he created this world so he could test people, and the rest of the universe is there just to provide seasons and navigation points, and he has this list of ten things you’re never supposed to do and if you do any of them he will banish you to Hell, a place where you’ll suffer unending pain and misery for all eternity roasting in a non-consuming fire…but he loves you. And he needs money. God’s a powerful fellow, but not much with a budget, and doesn’t seem to be able to keep a buck to his name, so let’s conclude today’s science lesson by passing the collection plate around and singing ‘Just a Closer Walk With Thee.’”

Needless to say, complaints would follow and the textbooks/bibles would be removed from class. On that day the science teachers could grab some camera time by screaming things like “Get your hands of our god! You infidels will all drown in lakes of blood! In the name of the fundamentalist xtians, let jesus fuck you!” When the hubbub dies down, they can relax and begin teaching science once more.

Evil, out


Weary Hag said...

"...stupid fucking fundamentalist dickless barrels of half-baked pickled monkey shit morons..."
I only wish you wouldn't mince words.

Valkyrie said...

Note to self: Don't have kids. Especially in Kansas.

If there is a all powerful God, why is he so "concerned" that people worship every Sunday and Wednesday...sounds to me like "God" has a low self esteem issue and needs constant validation of Divine (ha!) self.

I have never understood giving money to God, either. Let's face it, church is like the Mafia. You need to pay up or you won't go to Heaven. (I've often said organized religion is a lot like organized crime.)

I do NOT like religion. Can you tell?

A mini rant courtesy of...